paradoxical past

Chapter twelve: paradoxical past

With a sharp inhale Caelum's eyes snapped open, his mind hazy with confusion.

The sensation of weightlessness wrapped around him like a suffocating blanket.

"Where—?"

With his burry vision, caelum looked around. He wasn't in his room nor was he in the cosmos he had created.

Instead, he floated in a vast, pure white void—an endless expanse devoid of direction, depth, or anything remotely tangible.

'where am i? This silence is deafening.'

His pulse pounded in his ears as he tried to make sense of where he was.

As he looked everywhere in a desperate look Something brushed against his leg.

A small blur of movement, dashing past him with the careless energy of youth.

His head snapped down, eyes widening at the sight before him.

A child looking no older than five years old—running across the empty void, his tiny footsteps echoing despite the lack of a ground.

And then the boy jumped into the open arms of a woman standing nearby.

Her hair was tied back in a neat bun, streaks of white peeking through the familiar dark strands.

Her gentle features radiated warmth, her arms wrapping securely around the child as she lifted him up effortlessly.

Caelum stared at the fimilar woman, his breath caught in his throat.

"Mom?"

His own voice came out hoarse, disbelief clinging to every syllable.

"And that child.....is that me?"

It was Caelum, caelum at five years old.

His mind almost sluggish, struggling to process the impossibility of what he was seeing.

It wasn't just a memory. It felt alive, playing out in front of him like a scene unfolding in real-time.

The younger version of himself giggled, squirming in his mother's arms before holding up something small between his fingers.

"Mom! Mom! Look! I caught a ladybug!"

His mother let out a soft laugh, ruffling his hair.

"Cae, you're quite good at bug catching, huh?" she teased, her voice tender in a way Caelum had never remembered before.

Caelum's whole existence froze, he felt like his heart was twisting into an unrecognizable knot.

"This memory....This never happened, i have never seen mother smiling. Let alone smiling at me!"

Caelum felt conflicted, in his memories hus mother was never that warm to him.

She wasn't cruel, but she had always been distant and reserved, as though something invisible always stood between them.

'So why?'

"Is this really a memory…?"

His voice barely escaped his lips, uncertainty gripping his chest like a vice.

He swallowed hard, looking around, only to see more scenes unfolding before him.

One after another, familiar places and familiar voices of familiar figures.

Yet all of them felt completely wrong, but to Caelum's confused mind this wasn't the end.

A new memory formed in front of him, He was walking down a street, tiny hands clutching onto both his mother and father's palms as they strolled along the sidewalk.

His childish voice rang through the air

"Mom, Dad! I want a big robot!"

His father let out a chuckle and His mother smiled.

"Of course, sweetie. We'll get you one."

Then another memory as Laughter filled their family home.

"Are you kidding me? Who is playing a joke on me? Dammmit!" Caelum subconsciously knew he was alone in this place, but still choose to shout his thoughts out.

He saw himself playing with his older sister and brother, the three of them smiling, teasing each other as they played a board game together.

One after another, these happy moments flashed before his eyes.

Memories of warmth and of love.

Memories Of a childhood where he was cherished. A childhood that had never existed.

"What the hell even is this…? Ha?"

His stomach churned, his heart pounding in his chest as the overwhelming contradiction of these memories suffocated him.

"This all feels like someone edited my entire life to look happy. Ha…?"

His voice cracked at the end, disbelief creeping into his tone.

This wasn't just strange or unnerving, it made him feel an unexplainable existential crises.

But Between all those fabricated memories, one scene stood apart, One that felt painfully real.

His mother sat quietly in the middle of the white void. Unlike the other versions of her, this one looked tired.

Her usual elegance remained, but there was something weighing down her shoulders.

A small boy—himself at five years old—lay curled up in her lap, sleeping peacefully as she gently stroked his hair.

Her expression was soft.

Yet, at the same time, her eyes were distant, as though she were looking at the real caelum far beyond the moment.

She took a slow, deep breath, and slowly She spoke.

"Caelum."

The small child stirred, responding with a drowsy voice "Yes, Mom?"

With a small pause and a moment of hesitation. Her fingers stilled in his hair.

"I don't know how, nor do I know why…" she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

"But…"

Her hand resumed stroking his head, this time slower, gentler.

"I have a feeling that someday—someday soon—your dad, me, and even your siblings…" Her voice wavered.

"We will turn our backs on you."

The real Caelum stiffened.

The small child in her lap blinked up at her, confused.

"What do you mean, Mom?"

His mother forced a smile—but there was something painfully fragile about it.

Something cracking beneath the surface.

"I don't know, my child. You can call it a mother's gut feeling… but I feel like in the future, you will suffer a lot."

She took another shaky breath, her fingers tightening in his small tufts of hair.

"And we may not be there to support you."

"We may turn our backs on you." A small drop ran down her cheeks

The small Caelum trembled, his tiny hands gripping onto his mother's cheeks, eyes brimming with tears.

"Waaah! Mom, don't cry!"

His mother let out a soft chuckle, wiping away her tears with one hand as she gently cupped his cheek with the other.

And then.Her words came like a whisper against the void.

"But remember this… no matter what happens in the future—"

Her lips trembled as she forced a warm smile.

"No matter what might change in us—"

A single tear fell onto her son's tiny hands.

"We will… I will always love you."

The moment those words left her lips. The entire void trembled.

The countless fabricated memories shattered like glass, crumbling into golden dust before fading into the abyss.

And all that was left Was Caelum, standing frozen in the middle of it all.

His mind reeled and his body was refusing to move.

The weight of that moment settled deep into his bones, pressing down on his very existence.

His mother's voice echoed within him, haunting and unshakable.

"We will turn our backs on you."

"We will… I will always love you."

"What are these paradoxical memories? Ughh i don't, i don't know what's going on anymore." Caelum's eyes were red with his face lowered.

It was as if a truth was buried beneath unknown circumstances.

And slowly the world around him collapsed.

A sharp gasp left his lips—And he woke up.

His entire body jerked as his eyes snapped open, his chest heaving with labored breaths.

Sweat drenched his skin, his fingers trembling as he gripped onto the solid ground beneath him.

"A dream? But it was so vivid.."

The cold, white walls of the room he created stretched around him.

His body lay sprawled across the floor, exactly where he had collapsed after the willpower outburst from his breakthrough.

"Huguk!" Caelum pressed his hands against the floor, standing up with sluggish movements.

But the lingering weight of that vision was way too clear.

That memory which seemed like a impossible moment left him dumbfounded.

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Caelum stood still, his body tense and his mind racing.

"That paradoxical dream, ugh if it even was one..."

His uneasy thoughts clung to him like a weight pressing against his chest, refusing to fade even as he blinked himself back into reality.

The voice of his mother,.that was almost unfamiliar to him by how gentle it sounded still rang in his ears, each syllable sharp enough to carve itself into his skull.

The contradiction gnawed at him.

'Mother had never been cruel, but she had never been that warm either you know?'

'So what the hell was that? A lie crafted by my own subconscious?Or… something else entirely?'

His brows furrowed with his thoughts spiraling.

'If it was just a hallucination, then why did it feel so real?'

He wasn't the type to dwell on dreams. Normally, he would just shrug it off and move on.

But this. It wasn't something he could brush aside so easily. His fingers curled into fists, nails pressing into his palms.

"Why the hell did I see that?"

It was obvious he felt uneasy. His entire childhood had been painted over with an illusion of happiness, a fabricated warmth that had never existed in his real memories.

And at the center of it all, his mother, smiling, whispering words that felt both comforting and cruel.

The weight of it sat heavy on his chest.

Another thought struck him like a thunderclap out of nowhere. His back straightened almost instantly.

"Wait."

"I have collapsed inside the painting."

"And it felt like my willpower had surged out of control, it was what overwhelmed my body until my consciousness snapped?"

His eyes widening as a realization swept through him.

"Did I… break through?"

The unease in his chest and the lingering echoes of that dream suddenly took a back seat

something exhilarating rushed in to take its place. His thoughts shifted away from the unsettling memories.

" Ahhhhhhhhh, Forget it. Just a useless dream anyways and it's over!"

'Whatever that dream was whatever those false memories meant, i will deal with it later.'

'Right now, there was something else i need to confirm.'

Caelum focused inward, reaching for the familiar thread of willpower that had always existed inside him.

And the moment he did-

Boom!

A massive surge of energy erupted from within. His entire body trembled, his skin buzzing as if lightning had just crackled through his veins.

"This is…holy shit"

His breath shuddered, eyes widening future in awe.

" This feels nothing like before."

"It's as if. If before my willpower had felt like a vague force swirling inside my subconscious mind....now it was tangible."

To Caelum it felt like a presence that responded to his thoughts with sharp precision. It moved—not just within him, but Around him

Like a Thick energy with Layered presence, No longer just a mental force, but something more real.

Caelum slowly uncurled his fingers, exhaling a shaky breath.

"Amazing." He couldn't even describe his feelings in words as small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

His willpower had evolved in a way he couldn't even imagine.

Caelum slowly sat up, groaning as he stretched his back. His limbs felt oddly light, yet grounded as if something fundamental about him had changed.

His gaze landed on the quill lying nearby. Without thinking, he reached for it, fingers curling around its smooth surface.

"Ok, let's test this."

Then like a switch flipping in his brain a new hut strange sensation flooded his body.

"Not only did his willpower feel fully recharged, but—"

"…It feels incomprehensible compared to before," he muttered, eyes narrowing as he tried to grasp just how much it had changed.

"Isn't this insane? it had practically doubled." Excitement flared in his chest, He needed to test this.

With a slow, careful motion, he pressed the quill to the empty space, towards the white walls and drew two large rectangles.

The ink gleamed.

In an instant, two massive windows formed, cutting into the walls like portals. Beyond them, an endless sea of stars stretched out a vast and breathtaking cosmos.

Caelum took a step back. Then another.

His lips parted, and suddenly, a laugh erupted from his throat while admiring the sight.

A full-bodied, uncontrollable laugh that started deep in his gut and spilled out, loud and unrestrained.

"Ha… Haha…!"

His shoulders trembled as he grabbed the edges of his coat, shaking his head in sheer disbelief.

It wasn't just the power boost. It was the fact that he felt Like his entire being had evolved overnight.

Still grinning, he took a breath and let his willpower wash over him completely—inside and out.

He felt Stronger than he had ever been before.

And he wasn't done testing this.

As he focused inward and let his willpower spread throughout his entire body—flowing from his fingertips to his toes, coating every inch of his skin, sinking into his very core.

But only after a brief moment His expression froze.

His jaw slowly slackened as His pupils shrank to pinpricks. His mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out.

Because what he saw broke his brain.

It was his own body.

His muscles. His bones. His bloodstream—all visible to him as if he had been peeled open like an anatomical model.

Caelum's mouth twitched violently, somewhere between a grimace and absolute horror.

His eyes darted left. Then right.

"…You've got to be kidding me."

A bead of sweat rolled down his temple.

He slowly raised a hand—watched as his own tendons flexed beneath his skin in perfect detail.

Then, finally, he found his voice.

"…What the actual hell is this?"

His face twisted into an expression so bizarre, a mix between amazement and mild horror, that if anyone had seen him, they probably would have laughed for hours.