this is what suffering feels like

Zed saw it through Rick's eyes—

The dim flicker of candlelight barely holding back the suffocating darkness. The air was thick, choked with dust and the unshakable scent of damp wood. Every breath felt heavy, laced with something more than fear—dread, despair.

Rick trembled, his small hands clenched into tight fists as Lana shoved him into the cramped cupboard, her entire body shaking. She struggled to control her ragged breathing, forcing a trembling smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Lana—!"

"Shh…" She pressed a quivering finger to her lips, her voice barely above a whisper. "Listen to me, okay? Stay quiet. No matter what happens, don't come out."

Rick clutched the fabric of her dress, tiny fingers curling into the worn cloth. His voice cracked with panic. "But—"

"Zed will come," she whispered, her voice fragile, filled with blind, desperate hope. "He promised. So just wait, okay?"

Her hands lingered for a second—warm, reassuring—before she shut the cupboard doors, plunging Rick into complete darkness.

The wood creaked as he curled into himself, pressing both hands over his mouth. His heart pounded wildly, a terrified drum against his ribs.

Then—

The front door exploded open.

A thunderous crash. Wood splintered apart, chunks flying across the room. The candle flickered violently before snuffing out, swallowing everything in darkness.

Lana gasped.

Heavy boots stomped across the creaking floorboards. The air turned thick with the stench of sweat, rusted metal, and stale ale.

"Where are the rats?" A rough, amused voice sneered.

"Search the place," another barked.

Rick peeked through the tiny slits in the cupboard, his body trembling uncontrollably.

The bandits moved like hungry wolves. Chairs scraped violently against the floor. A table overturned with a deafening crash. Glass shattered, the sound splintering through the suffocating silence.

Then—

A pause.

A shadow loomed.

A filthy, scarred hand reached for the cupboard handle, the grime caked under its nails. The fingers curled around the wood—

Lana moved.

She lunged. A choked scream tore from her throat as she swung a wooden stool with everything she had. The impact landed with a dull crack, barely making the bandit stumble.

For a moment—silence.

Then—

The man laughed.

A slow, wicked grin spread across his scarred face. His greasy hair clung to his sweat-slicked forehead, and his dull, yellowed teeth flashed under the dim light. "You little—"

The first kick sent Lana sprawling onto the floor.

Rick bit down on his arm, smothering the scream rising in his throat. Tears burned his eyes, but he didn't dare make a sound.

Another kick.

Lana coughed, curling inward as pain wracked her fragile frame.

Another.

A sickening crack. Her ribs—broken.

Another.

She let out a weak, strangled gasp, blood trickling from her lips.

Rick shook violently, his fingers digging into his own skin. He could barely breathe.

"That's enough, Ron " one of the bandits muttered, shifting uncomfortably. "She's just a kid—"

"Shut up," the leader snapped, his eyes gleaming with cruel amusement. "She wanted to be brave. Let's see how far that gets her."

The bandit grabbed Lana by the hair, yanking her up like a broken doll. Her body hung limply in his grip, but she forced her eyes to stay open, her lips parting in a pained, shuddering breath.

The man's grin widened.

Then—

The first stab.

The dagger sank into her stomach. Deep.

Rick flinched as warm blood splattered onto the floor, the coppery scent thick in the air.

Lana let out a strangled gasp, her fingers twitching.

Another stab.

Her back arched, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps.

Another.

Rick pressed his trembling hands harder against his mouth, biting down until he tasted blood. The pain in his arm was nothing compared to the horror before him.

Another.

Lana's frail frame convulsed.

The dull light in her once-bright eyes flickered. Dimmed.

And yet—

Even as her body slumped, her lips moved.

She mouthed a single word.

"Zed."

Then—stillness.

The bandit scoffed, shoving her lifeless body aside like garbage. Blood pooled around her, soaking into the cracks of the wooden floor, a deep, dark red against the rotting planks.

Rick's silent sobs wracked his tiny frame, but he didn't move. Didn't dare.

The leader spat on Lana's corpse before turning to his men. "We're done here. Grab what you can and burn the rest."

A few of them shifted uneasily, glancing at the small, lifeless body on the floor.

"…Was that necessary?" one muttered.

The leader scowled. "She was dead either way. Now shut up and move."

And then—

Nothing.

Zed snapped back to the present with a shuddering breath.

His knees pressed against the soaked ground, his body trembling. Rain and sweat clung to his skin, but the cold couldn't reach him. Nothing could.

Lana's bloodied, broken body lay before him.

Rick stood motionless, his face blank, his eyes void of anything human.

And Zed—

Zed broke.

A raw, guttural sound tore from his throat—one of agony, of rage, of loss so unbearable it felt like his soul was being ripped apart.

His fingers dug into the ground, his nails scraping against the bloodstained earth. His shoulders shook violently, his chest heaving as the weight of it all came crashing down.

"Lana…" His voice was hoarse, strangled. Barely a whisper.

He had promised her.

She had believed in him.

And yet—

He had let her die.

Brutally.

Alone.

The pain clawed at his chest, suffocating. His entire body curled inward, his fingers tangling in his hair as sobs racked through him.

Not again.

Not again.

"I couldn't save my parents. I couldn't save Sir Jaeger. And now…"

His vision blurred. His breath came in ragged, uneven gasps.

"Am I cursed to lose everyone I love?"

His heart screamed. His soul fractured. And for the first time in his life—

Zed wished he had never made that promise.

Zed's breath came in ragged gasps, his fingers trembling against the cold, bloodstained floor. Rick's words rang in his ears, but the moment he heard them—

"It's your fault."

Something inside him cracked.

A sudden chill crawled up his spine. The world around him blurred, the rain muffled, the scent of blood and damp wood fading into nothing.

And then—

A voice.

Familiar. Cold. His own.

"He's right."

Zed flinched, his breath hitching.

The room around him shifted, warping like a mirage. The sound of rain faded, the world tilting beneath him until—

Darkness.

Zed blinked.

No more rain. No more broken floor beneath him. Just void.

And then—

Footsteps.

Slow. Measured. Echoing in the empty abyss.

Zed turned.

And there—standing before him—was Lukas.

Or at least, the version of Lukas that existed before he became Zed.

His past self.

His hair was slightly longer, his posture relaxed, hands shoved into his pockets. But his face—his eyes—were sharp. Cold. A smirk tugged at his lips, but there was no warmth behind it.

It wasn't a friendly smile.

It was mocking.

"You really thought you could save her?" Lukas tilted his head, his voice filled with amusement. "That's funny."

Zed stiffened, his body trembling. "Shut up."

Lukas chuckled, shaking his head. "No, you don't get to say that. Not after what you did."

His smirk widened, but his eyes darkened.

"You promised her, Zed."

Zed clenched his fists. "I—"

"You told her you'd come." Lukas took a step closer, his voice dropping. "And she believed you. She waited. She trusted you."

Zed's breathing grew uneven.

"And what happened?" Lukas sneered. "You failed. Again."

A sharp pain stabbed into Zed's chest. His nails dug into his palms, but he couldn't look away.

"You were so damn sure of yourself." Lukas scoffed. "Like always. Thinking you could protect the people around you. That you could change anything."

Lukas took another step, his presence overwhelming.

"But let's face it, Zed." His smirk vanished. "You couldn't even save yourself."

The darkness around them shifted.

A new memory flickered into existence.

Zed's eyes widened.

The blood.

The flames.

The last time he saw his parents. The moment he lost everything.

His stomach twisted violently, his heart pounding so hard it hurt.

"You let them die," Lukas whispered.

The scene shifted again.

Sir Jaeger. His final battle. His last words.

His body, cold and unmoving.

"You let him die."

The images flickered faster, shoving every failure into Zed's skull.

Lana—her small, fragile body trembling on the floor.

Lana—her eyes filled with pain, begging for help that never came.

Lana—her blood pooling around her, lips mouthing his name in her final moments.

Zed screamed.

Lukas only smiled.

"You don't get it yet, do you?" His voice was calm now, almost gentle. But that only made it worse.

"You are not a hero, Zed."

His smirk returned, twisted.

"You're a curse."

Zed gasped for air.

"You don't save people." Lukas leaned in, his voice a whisper.

"You destroy them."

The words slammed into him like a hammer to the chest.

Zed's vision blurred. His hands trembled. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, drowning out everything else.

And then—

Rick's voice snapped through the haze.

"So fix it."

The dark abyss shattered.

Zed was back in the real world. The rain was heavy. The scent of blood filled the air.

But his body—

It didn't feel like his anymore.

Rick glared at him, eyes burning with something unreadable.

"Avenge her."

Zed didn't move.

For a moment, silence.

Then—

A flicker. A subtle shift.

The sound of dripping.

Rick's body tensed.

Zed's bangs clung to his forehead, his rain-soaked clothes sticking to his skin. His fingers loosened from the ground, his shoulders relaxing.

Then—

His eyes snapped open.

Deep. Burning. Crimson.

Rick's breath caught in his throat.

His entire body went still.

His pupils shrunk, his lips parting slightly—but no words came out.

His fists, once clenched in anger, trembled.

A shiver ran down his spine.

He had wanted Zed to suffer. He had wanted Zed to feel what he felt.

But now—

Now, staring into those blood-red eyes…

Rick felt something else.

Pure. Cold. Fear.

Lukas' voice echoed one last time in Zed's mind, soft and satisfied.

"That's right."

"Now burn it all down."