Realization

The alarm went off, and like every morning, I was struck by a strange sensation. It was as if, instead of simply waking up from a sleep, I was returning from another place, a place where the rules of time and reality no longer applied. I couldn't quite define what I was feeling exactly. My head was buzzing, my body was tired, but at the same time, there was this strange calmness that made me want to stay still, almost as if the universe itself was waiting for me to make the first move. The world around me seemed too… vast, as if reality itself was reconstructing itself before my eyes, altered, distorted.

I took a deep breath and tried to get up, but the feeling of being an observer of my own life didn't leave me. Every movement I made felt slow, too calculated. My body reacted, but my mind floated, caught between the urge to understand what was happening to me and the fear of discovering something I wasn't ready to face. I had the feeling that something inside me had changed, something that couldn't be erased. But what was really happening to me? Why did I feel like I was returning to each day like a recording, a loop that repeated endlessly?

I didn't know if it was a dream or reality. Maybe both. But what I knew was that I had to understand, no matter the cost. The feeling of isolation and confusion gnawed at me from the inside, and the more I thought about what was happening to me, the more I felt lost in this whirlwind of unanswered questions. I wasn't ready for this. Not at all.

This time, upon waking up, I was calm. I don't know if it's because of habit or the shock of the news I had analyzed. I returned to the beginning of each day, precisely at the time I had woken up in the morning. I didn't know what to think about it, but it certainly couldn't be explained to a human at that moment. To think, I sat on the edge of my bed and reflected for several minutes on what would happen in the future, how this power would work, in which situations it would activate, or if it was only for this time. After long minutes of reflection, my mother entered my room. She saw me sitting on the edge of the bed, trembling, my hand on my forehead, with a distressed look from all the thoughts. In a panic, she called out to her child, but he didn't respond. Not because he was ignoring her, but because he simply couldn't hear her. So, she approached and touched his shoulder, which surprised him so much that he jumped backward off the bed, breathing heavily.

— "Mom, when did you come in? I didn't hear you."— "We called you earlier, but you didn't respond. We were worried, and I came upstairs to check. I found you like you were dead."— "I'm sorry for making you worry, but mom..."— "Yes?"— "Can I skip school today?"— "Of course, rest today. We'll leave you and your sister for 4 or 5 days, we're going on a trip."— "Alright, work well and take care," she said as she left.

I went downstairs, but no one was there anymore. My sister must have left. In this altered present, I hurried to my office to grab a notebook and write down everything I knew, which wasn't much, like:

1 When I die, I return to the day of my death upon waking up (not sure).

2 In each return, the present changes (sure).

3 I might be mentally affected by death, which has physical consequences (sure).

That's all I knew. I decided to sit on the family couch and do the best thing I could do in this situation: think calmly. I found a solution by validating all the unsure points on my list for now.

The return to each death, and the death had to be accidental or voluntary. Accidental had been proven, but voluntary... not yet. To prove these two things, I decided to commit suicide five times to be sure that the return happens at every death and if death could be voluntary. I decided to carry out my plan tomorrow to be sure the return didn't only work today.

Once the pressure and adrenaline had subsided, I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack, telling myself internally that I was too calm for the discovery of what had happened to me. For long minutes, I remained in the fetal position, and once I calmed down, I regained my composure and went outside to buy food, one of my favorite activities along with reading. But once outside, at the supermarket, I saw a girl from my class. I didn't notice her right away, as she usually wore more refined clothes, and now she was wearing loose sweatpants. I took my courage and went to see her.

— "Hi Lia, can I ask you something?"— "AHH! Uh, Ehito, is that you? Uh, what did you want to ask me?"— "Oh yeah, could you pass me your notebook for the classes? I wasn't here this morning."— "Sorry, I wasn't there this morning either."— "Oh well, never mind, see you tomorrow."— "Yes, see you tomorrow."

I left her and went to buy food. I bought a large amount of sweets and chocolate, paid, thanked, and left the supermarket. I checked the time and realized it was the time I had been killed in the previous returns. So, this time, I went to the other side of the road and saw the car speeding towards the wall instead of me. Glad to have escaped death, I went home to eat. My sister was back at the house. I gave her food and ate as well. After that, I went to bed, slept, and woke up as usual. Today was the day I would execute my plan.