20 But it was my fault

"It's safe to go in. Everything is intact," Joeress said, stepping down from the porch with a light nod.

"Thank you, Joeress," Mom said, her voice still carrying the weight of disbelief.

We all entered slowly, as if the house might vanish if we stepped too hard. I trailed my fingers along the wall—the paint, the cool surface, the familiar bumps where the plaster never quite settled. Solid. Real. Still here. But how?

"Mom, I'm going to check my room. I want to see if my stuff is still in place," I said, already making my way toward the stairs.

"Alright, but be careful," she replied gently.

"I'll come with," Joeress said, following behind.

The stairs didn't creak like they usually did. They felt… untouched. Like time had skipped this house entirely. We ascended in silence. Even the hallway was perfect—the photos still hung straight, the dried flower vase on the hallway table still stood upright. Not a single frame was out of place.

When we reached my door, I hesitated. My hand hovered over the handle.

I took a deep breath, then turned it slowly.

The room greeted me exactly as I left it. My bed a mess. My desk cluttered in the usual way with sketches, pens, and books. The faint scent of lavender from the sachet Mom had made months ago still lingered in the air. Light filtered in through the window, slanting across the floor like nothing had ever gone wrong in the world.

I stepped inside. Joeress lingered in the doorway for a moment, then followed.

"This is weird, isn't it?" he said quietly behind me.

"Yeah… How was the house not affected like the others?" I murmured.

Joeress shrugged. "Maybe it's sorcery," he said, half-joking.

I let out a breath of a laugh. "Yeah, maybe something like that."

Without warning, he flopped onto my bed, arms outstretched like he owned the place. He grabbed my old panda teddy bear, spinning it lazily in his hands.

"You know," he said, glancing at me with a grin, "I don't actually know that much about you."

"Oh? I expected my mom to tell you *everything* about me," I said, smirking.

He raised an eyebrow. "Nope. She only told me one thing—that you used to pee your bed when it rained."

My face instantly went red. "She *what*?"

He burst out laughing, hugging the panda bear to his chest. "Just kidding! No need to turn into a big tomato."

"Can we please change the topic?" I muttered, hiding my face in my hands.

"I was joking," he said, still grinning. "Relax."

I turned away, half-laughing and half-mortified. My cheeks burned, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to bury myself in the wall or tackle him with a pillow.

"Alright, alright, new topic," he said, sitting up on the bed. "That necklace you always wear… who gave it to you?"

The mood shifted slightly, the air thinning with the weight of the question.

I walked toward the bed slowly and sat beside him. My fingers instinctively found the pendant resting against my chest. It was warm from my skin.

"It was given to me by someone who was very close to me," I said quietly.

Joeress didn't interrupt. He waited.

"Seven years ago," I continued, voice soft, "when the catastrophe began… we were just kids, walking and laughing, not a care in the world. Then the earth shook. I froze. I couldn't move. The ground cracked open beneath us." My throat tightened. "He… he pushed me to safety. And then he fell. Into the abyss."

I paused, blinking back the sting in my eyes.

"His name was Neal," I said.

"Neal…" Joeress echoed. He sat up straighter, then reached out and placed a hand on my back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up something painful."

"No, it's okay," I said, though my voice trembled. "I've… I've learned to cope with it. Sort of."

Saying it out loud stirred something in me. A pressure I didn't realize I was carrying. The guilt I kept buried surged back to the surface, raw and unforgiving.

"It should've been me," I whispered.

Joeress didn't hesitate. He pulled me into a hug—strong, firm, grounding. His arms wrapped around me like a shield from the world outside.

"You shouldn't say that," he said, voice low but intense.

"But it was my fault," I choked out. "I just stood there. I didn't do anything. He saved me, and I—"

"Stop," he said, more firmly now. "It wasn't your fault. He chose to protect you because he cared. He made that decision knowing what it meant. Don't dishonor that by drowning in guilt."

I tucked my face into his chest, the tears falling freely now. It hurt. All of it hurt. But at the same time, being in Joeress's arms, it was the safest I'd felt in a long time. Like for once, I wasn't carrying everything alone.

I clung to him, sobbing quietly into his shirt.

And then, slowly, like my body knew it was finally okay to rest… everything faded.

The exhaustion caught up with me.

I fell asleep in his arms.

I opened my eyes.

The world around me was quiet, too quiet. The air shimmered faintly, like heat waves on pavement, but it wasn't hot. It was… still. Soft. Familiar.

I knew this place.

The river. The one where Lae and I had first met.

It looked just like before—silver water rushing over smooth stones, splashing and gurgling in a gentle rhythm. Trees leaned over the riverbank, their leaves rustling softly in a breeze I couldn't feel. Crystal butterflies perched lazily on the moss, their wings glowing faintly blue, like tiny shards of starlight.

I took a few steps forward, boots crunching against the damp earth. The cool mist rising from the water kissed my skin, grounding me in this dreamlike space.

Then—snap. The crack of twigs. The shuffle of dry leaves.

I turned.

A figure burst through the trees, stumbling straight into the river. His legs faltered under him. One arm clutched his side. The other—

The other was wrong.

Twisted. Blackened. The veins pulsed with something oily, as if shadows were alive beneath his skin.

He fell to his knees, chest heaving. The water splashed around him, but he didn't seem to notice. His scream tore through the calm, raw and hoarse. A sound of unbearable pain.

I hesitated, then stepped closer. I don't know why. I just did.

Maybe it was instinct. Maybe something deeper.

I knelt beside him, heart pounding. My hand moved on its own, reaching out to touch his back, to offer something—comfort, maybe. Reassurance.

But he turned sharply.

His hand lashed out, shoving mine away with surprising force.

His face tilted toward me just enough that I saw them—his eyes. Glowing, brilliant green, like glass catching sunlight.

"...Lae?" I breathed.

For a heartbeat, he froze.

Then—

Everything went black.