Little Secrets

Mirelah;

I stare at my pink dress, and a small smile splits my face as I brush my hair. I got out of the shower a while back and insisted on getting ready by myself. The handmaidens are in a corner of the room just watching in silence. However, their gaze doesn't bother me. There is no mockery in their eyes. In fact, there are hardly ever emotions in their eyes. They just go about their jobs with blank faces like they were born to work.

My mind rushes back to Meadow as my fingers trace the familiar fabric, and my smile grows. She likes this dress a lot. She'd always compliment me each time I wore it. In one of the paintings I've seen of my mother, she had one just like this…

After all that happened today, I needed something to make me feel less alien. Something that made me feel warm inside, and this dress… Is exactly what I needed. Maybe I should send word home? A letter to Meadow. She must be worried about me. She would know by now that my escape plan wasn't successful. Because if it was, the Varkeins would have stormed back home to tell Father.

I should write a letter to tell her that I'm okay… But I'm not…

I stare at the ink and quill on the table, and just then, there's a knock on the door. I turn to it, and it's Queen Velnara.

"May I come in?" She calls, and I stand up. The handmaidens step away from the door, and Queen Velnara walks in full of smiles. She stops at the doorway to stare at me for a bit, and my gaze drops to her feet. I can't bear to look at her after disappointing her like that this morning.

"You're such a beautiful girl." She says, and as much as I want to feel happy because of her words, I can't.

I hear her sigh, and I shut my eyes.

"Care for a walk?" She questions, and I look up at her in surprise. Why isn't she mad at me? She made me promise that I wouldn't fail her. I broke my promise. I failed. Will she say nothing about it?

"I realized you don't know anywhere here. A tour wouldn't be bad. It should be more fun than beating yourself up in here." She adds, and I tilt my head.

"Aren't you mad at me? I broke my promise. "I state the worries on my mind, and she smiles bitterly at me.

"I should be the one hoping you're not mad at me. I raised a rude young man. You were doing just fine before he opened his foul mouth. "She says, and my lips part on seeing how she's looking at things.

"But it's not his fault his words got to me… "I reply in shame as I look away, and Queen Velnara sighs again before walking up to me, and raising my chin so I could look at her.

"Vealor is a very wise boy. He has his way with words, and those words were designed to hurt you. It's not easy to grow thick skin for my rude husband and son's taunts. "She says, and I feel tears begin to shake me as they journey to my eyes.

"Why…Why are you so nice to me? "I question, and she smiles.

"After Kealith, I had a baby girl. She died at birth. She would have been the same age as you…" She whispers, and my heart stops. This is the first time I've ever heard this. There was a Varkaine daughter!?

My jaw drops, and she smiles.

"Only a few people know this. Besides, there's so much to love about you, Mirelah. It's unfair to let another person love you more than you love yourself. You're cheating yourself out of the best kind of love." She adds, and I swallow.

"Now. Shall we walk? We need to get you ready for tomorrow's ritual." She says with a huge smile as she holds out her hand, and I smile back at her.

I also lost my mom at birth. If she were alive… Would she also be like this? Would she see something special in me despite what everyone says? Would she have faith in me, or just care for me under obligation… Like father?

My smile grows as I take Queen Velnara's hands, and she wraps her slender fingers around mine.

"I think you'd love the library." She says as she turns around and starts pulling me out of the room, and as I follow behind her, I feel warmth begin to course through me.

I wonder how unbearable life here would have been if she didn't have my back. I was initially scared of her, but now… She is a major reason I think I might survive this cold place… Some people get bad mothers-in-laws, but I've got one who treats me like her daughter. Isn't that a blessing?

For once, the gods have smiled down at me. They gave me a chance to know what a mother's love feels like… This is a chance I won't take for granted.

******

Queen Velnara gave me an extensive tour of the palace.

Now, I know where the kitchen is, the stable, the library, and the trap door in the throne room I should run through if there's ever a siege over the palace. 

I'll confess, my legs are already hurting. I thought we'd stop and take a break at the library, but we barely spent two minutes in there. She obviously didn't fancy the library even if it was breathtaking. 

It had rows and rows of elite books and novels that reached so high, all I could think of was how many journeys I could take in a place like that… How many corners of the world the beautiful stories in those novels would take me to. 

I might go back there one of these days.

I sigh as we walk through yet another corridor with handmaidens following behind at a safe distance. They are lucky. They don't have to keep up with Queen Velnara's insane pace. 

My steps are already dragging, but she is briskly walking ahead. Youth and vigour that greatly surpass her age, echo through every step she takes, and I can't help but marvel at her agility. We soon step onto a field with colourful bushes everywhere, and finally, she speaks again.

"Here, we have the garden! "She says, and I raise a brow.

The garden? This isn't the garden where Kealith and I spoke yesterday.

"How… many gardens are there?" I question, and she turns to me.

"Two. Kealith has his garden. He never allows anyone to go there though, so don't think about it. This though, is the general garden. You can come here any time. "She replies, and I blink.

He never allows anyone there? But he took me there…

"Oh, dear. I didn't realize you were panting. I guess walking around for almost an hour wasn't a good idea. We should sit for a while. "She says, and my cheeks flush.

She's older than me. I should be taking it easy because of her. Not the other way around.

"Oh, no. I'm fine. Are there more places to show me?" I ask with a forced smile as I internally curse my pride, and Queen Velnara chuckles before walking back to me.

"It's not so easy to keep up with me, girl. I spent years training my body before and after becoming queen. Challenging me is asking for torture." She says with a knowing smile, and I blush before looking away.

How is it so easy to see right through me?

"Come on. Let's rest. "She says as she takes my hand, and I let her lead me. There's a near by bench, and we sit. 

My attention is suddenly caught by a bush of flowers, and my eyes light up.

"Is that… Pixie dust??" I question, unable to contain my excitement, and Queen Velnara leans forward to look at the bushes.

"Yes. I don't know what's so special about them…" She begins, and I turn to her with wide eyes.

"What? They're my best flowers! The most beautiful flowers I've ever seen!" I reply, surprised that she doesn't like them, and she stares at me with dramatically wide eyes. Like she's shocked by my reaction.

"Do you know that when moonlight hits them at a certain angle, they twinkle in the dark?" I question as I stare at the bush of small, yellow flowers, and my mind travels back home.

We used to have Pixie dust in our garden too. I personally tended to them for as long as I can remember. I loved them so much cause they were special. During the day they looked like little dots in a dull, boring bush, but each time the moon came around, they twinkled like fallen stars on earth. 

I kind of wished I was like them. Simple on the outside, but truly special beneath. 

My smile drops when I remember that horrible morning on my 15th birthday when I woke up to find my flowers trimmed off, and its bush uprooted.

 Father had ordered for the flowers to be discarded and never planted again because Azra suddenly grew "deathly allergic to them"... 

"Well, that explains a lot. "Queen Velnara's voice suddenly cuts through my thoughts, and I turn to her with a raised brow.

"What explains what? "I question, and she smiles.

"Kealith has a horrible allergy to these flowers, but he insisted that we plant them all over the palace. He'd rather have a hundred nose bleeds than have us remove any of these bushes. "She says, and I fall silent.

"I used to wonder what he found so special about them… Until now. "She adds, and I freeze.