Chapter 3: How to Win Fights Without Trying
Ren remained on the ground, watching the bandits approach like a guy too lazy to hit "skip" on an unskippable cutscene.
[Strength +1]
[Defense +1]
[Stamina +1]
His stats kept climbing. Honestly, it was kind of addicting, like watching a number go up in one of those clicker games — except he wasn't even clicking.
Scarface snarled, "Alright, you little punk. You think you're funny? Let's see if you're still smiling after I cave your skull in!"
Ren sighed. "You're still talking? You guys ever heard of pacing?"
[New Title Acquired: Insufferable Slacker]
Enemies are 10% more likely to underestimate you.
Ren barked a laugh. "This system gets me."
Scarface's eye twitched. He rushed forward, sword raised high.
The blade came down in a deadly arc — only for Ren to yawn, stretching his arms. His body tilted just enough for the sword to whiff past his head.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
"Oops. My bad," Ren muttered, not even bothering to sit up.
Scarface turned red with fury. "Hold him down!" he shouted.
The other three bandits charged.
Ren raised an eyebrow. "Oh boy, three more stat boosts incoming."
The first bandit swung a rusty axe — and Ren, in the middle of scratching his ear, shifted just enough for the axe to bury itself into the dirt instead.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
The second guy lunged with a dagger. Ren tilted his head lazily to one side. The dagger stabbed air.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
The third bandit, clearly smarter than his buddies, tried to kick him. Ren rolled — purely because his side itched — and the bandit's foot sailed over him.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
Ren glanced at his status.
[Agility: 25]
"Wow. Who needs training arcs?"
Scarface was seething. "You little… stop moving and fight like a man!"
Ren propped himself up on one elbow. "Nah. Fighting sounds like work. I think I'll pass."
Scarface screamed and swung his sword again.
[Passive Counter Activated]
[Damage Reflected: 30%]
Scarface's blade bounced off Ren's arm with a clang, like hitting solid steel. He staggered backward, his wrist bending at an awkward angle.
"Gaaah! What the hell?!"
Ren glanced at his arm, unharmed. "Huh. Neat."
[Strength +2]
[Defense +2]
The other bandits hesitated now, looking at each other nervously.
"Boss, he's not even trying…"
Scarface's face twisted with rage. "He's just a damn villager! He's screwing with us — KILL HIM!"
The bandits charged again, desperate.
Ren raised a hand lazily. "System, got anything new for me?"
The screen flashed.
[New Skill Unlocked: Counter Slouch]
When remaining seated for more than 60 seconds during combat, the next attack reflects 50% of the damage and knocks enemies back.
Ren blinked. "Alright, this is getting ridiculous."
The first bandit reached him. Ren didn't move.
The man swung his club — and Ren's entire body gave a casual, half-hearted lean. The club missed by an inch.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
Ren glanced at the system.
[Agility: 30]
The second bandit lunged — Ren rolled over onto his other side, purely to get comfortable. The bandit missed and stumbled into the first guy.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
[Agility: 35]
Scarface's face twisted into something murderous. "Enough screwing around!" He grabbed a throwing knife from his belt and hurled it.
It spun through the air — and Ren, distracted by a bird flying overhead, tilted his head to watch it. The knife flew right past where his head had been.
[Lazy Dodge Activated]
[Agility +5]
[Agility: 40]
Ren whistled. "Man, I'm practically speed incarnate now."
Scarface lunged, a last-ditch attempt to stab Ren in the chest.
[Counter Slouch Activated]
Scarface's knife hit Ren's shoulder — and the force rebounded like he'd punched a brick wall. A shockwave blasted out, sending him flying backward into a tree with a sickening crunch.
[Damage Reflected: 50%]
[Bandit Leader "Scarface" defeated!]
The other two bandits froze, staring at their unconscious leader embedded in the tree trunk.
Ren stretched. "Well… that was easy."
[Strength +2]
[Defense +2]
One of the remaining bandits dropped his weapon. "Screw this — I'm out!" He turned and bolted into the forest.
The last guy swallowed hard, staring at Ren like he was a monster. "What the hell are you…?"
Ren grinned. "Me? I'm just a guy who likes naps."
The bandit ran.
Ren sat up, sighing contently. "Man, this world's great. I get stronger by doing nothing, and idiots deliver free loot to me."
[Quest Complete: Bandit Clean-Up!]
[Rewards: 50 Gold, Basic Weapon Crate (Uncommon), +50 XP]
Ren blinked at the crate that materialized in front of him. "Oooh, free stuff." He reached for it.
[New Title Acquired: The Slacker Hero]
Enemies are 15% more likely to underestimate you. All stat gains from idling increased by 10%.
Ren smirked. "Looks like I'm on a roll. Who needs grinding when you can just let the world handle itself?"
He leaned back on the grass again, folding his hands behind his head.
[Strength +1]
[Defense +1]
[Stamina +1]
"I could get used to this."
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