Deeply Pain

I remember the sentence she said before she disappeared. She told me, "Don't forget me, ever." But this is a story long before that happened.

"Andra? Are you okay?"

A true friend tried to snap me out of my long daydream, my blank stare fixed on the small café table with a cup of latte that had gone cold.

"Andra?!"

That sharp call snapped me back to reality, like a lightning bolt with its loud sound ringing in my ears, making my body jolt.

"Sorry, Bastian, where were we in our conversation?" I stammered.

"We haven't even discussed anything yet, there was no conversation between us, other than seeing you go silent. What's wrong, Andra?"

Truthfully, I was already tired of discussing what had happened to me today. Because in the end, everything would always be the same.

"Never mind, let's talk about something else," I replied weakly, full of regret.

"Woman trouble, right? Which woman hurt you this time?"

Bastian was the only friend of mine who was the most perceptive. He couldn't stand seeing me feeling down and lamenting my deep sorrow. No matter what happened, he had to know what was going on with me right then.

However, I ignored his concern by sipping my now cold latte.

"Should I order another one?"

"No need, buddy, it's okay, I'll just finish this," I gulped down my latte in one go, as if it were a shot of hard liquor.

"You always torture yourself, Andra. Didn't I tell you that May is a mischievous woman? A player?"

"Yes, I know, Bas, and I wish I could change her ways."

"Damn it, Andra! What kind of crazy person would want to do that? I told you before, I know everything about her."

I understood, I did become foolish when I was interested in someone. Even though all women could act like that. To fill the void in their hearts, they were willing to sacrifice others' feelings.

What kind of creatures are they? Why do they have to exist in this world? Ah, what's going on in my head? I shouldn't be thinking so stupidly.

So, at that moment, I started to forget everything. Striving to move forward. And promising myself that no more women would enter my life. May was the last of the eleven women who had come and gone.

"Seriously?" Bastian asked, as if unsure of my new principle.

"Haven't I told you before?"

"Yes, May is the last woman."

"But don't let yourself get stuck in that confusion, Andra," Bastian continued.

"It won't bring you any happiness. You should stop being foolish and move on. You can do it, I believe you can, right?"

Of course, I believed his words. Bastian always believed in me. He knew me too well. I could never lie to him. Especially when his eyes were staring into my face.

"Alright, thanks for the advice, Bastian. I'll consider it."

"Alright. Let's finish our drinks and talk about something else, Andra. Like how we should celebrate the first week of our holiday."

He was too good to me. Without realizing it, that trivial conversation made the day grow darker. Walking through the quiet and dimly lit streets on my way home was my shortcut to calming myself down for a moment from the civilization of this world.

With my motorcycle's speedometer showing 20 kilometers per hour, I enjoyed the cool yet slightly chilly night breeze.

I let my body enjoy everything, before arriving at my destination and facing the bitterness of life again.

"Andra? Where are you? It's almost 11 PM, why aren't you home yet? Do you have extra classes?"

A text message from my aunt, Julia. The only woman who genuinely loved me like her own child. Even more than my own mother. Although she had three children, she was very fair in giving attention to all of them, including me. No favoritism.

"Yes, I'll be home soon, Auntie. Sorry for not telling you earlier about the extra classes," I replied to Aunt Julia.

Upon arriving home, Aunt Julia hugged me with worry. It was indeed unusual for me to come home this late. Aunt Julia always worried about me. She didn't say it out loud, but it was clear in her eyes.

"Sorry, Auntie."

"It's okay, the important thing is you're home now. I've prepared dinner for you on the dining table, your cousins have all had their dinner."

No matter how much attention Aunt Julia gave me, for some reason, I always compared her to my own parents. Both of my parents were always busy with their own worlds. That's why I felt more comfortable living with my aunt.

Yes, I've been living at Aunt Julia's house since graduating from high school, while helping her with some housework, taking Vigo, Aunt Julia's youngest son, to and from school, and taking care of the 30 Angora cats she kept.

Aunt Julia was also the one who supported me to enroll in one of the prestigious universities in this city. Until finally, I was accepted into the Diploma 3 Program at the Faculty of Economics. She was very proud of me. Although it shouldn't be her who felt proud. But, oh well, I still tried to be grateful for whatever was in front of me now. At least there were still good people in this world.

But today, my brain was busy finding excuses to leave that house, so I could think and be alone. I needed to be alone without constantly remembering May. I even hoped that I would never meet her again in this life. If I ever saw her again, it would surely be at her funeral.

***

Every morning at 6:30 AM, I had to take Vigo to school. He was a good and funny little cousin. His chubby stature complemented his funny behavior at all times.

"Bro Andra, don't be late picking me up again," he said as he got off the motorcycle I was riding.

"I think I was only late picking you up once, not multiple times," I replied.

"I'm just reminding you, Bro. Oh yeah, don't forget, today is Friday, do you know what our plan is later?" Vigo said excitedly.

"Eating instant noodles, right?"

"Yes! Correct! That's why I reminded you not to be late picking me up, okay?"

"Okay, okay, hurry up and get into school, or you'll be late."

I watched Vigo pass through the school gate while waving at me, and I happily waved back. Honestly, I was very envious of him. His enthusiasm for life was truly extraordinary.

Sometimes I thought about how lucky he was to have a normal family. A good mother, a responsible father, and an attentive and caring older sister. Once again, I was comparing my family to others'. How long would I keep feeling like this?

Then I remembered Aunt Julia's advice. Specifically, before leaving to take Vigo to school. Essentially, she told me to go home for a while to visit my parents at their house. I couldn't ignore Aunt Julia's advice. Because everything she said was always good and positive.

Upon arriving in front of the door of my original home, I thought for a moment. What reason should I give to my parents? Because it had been almost a month since I last visited them. They hadn't even contacted me by phone or text message. It was as if they were avoiding each other.

That was the difference between my family and other families. A reality that I often compared. So I gathered the courage to start knocking on the door. And it turned out, a little girl in an elementary school uniform opened the door. The question was, since when was there a little kid in my house?

"Who are you?" I asked cynically.

"Huh? Who are you?" The little girl with straight brown hair asked me back.

"This is my house, you should be the one answering my question, who are you?" I said firmly.

"Luna," she said briefly, feeling nervous.

We both stared at each other. The little girl named Luna looked at me with fear, while I looked at her with full suspicion.