chapter 17: Helpless sobs

Jiwon stayed curled up on the bathroom floor, his body convulsing with every sob. The blood from his forehead trickled down, mixing with the hot tears that wouldn't stop falling. His breath hitched, shallow and uneven, his chest rising and falling in frantic, broken gasps.

"Nghh… ahh… haaa…" His voice cracked, the cries choking him.

His hands clutched at his soaked shirt, fingers trembling as he tried to hold himself together, but the pain wouldn't let him. His body felt too small, too weak to contain the agony inside him.

"Uuhh… uwaaaah… ahh—!" His sobs grew louder, more desperate.

The cold floor beneath him did nothing to soothe the burning in his chest. The walls felt like they were closing in, suffocating him, pressing down on his fragile, trembling body. His nails dug into the tiles, scraping against them as he curled in on himself, shaking, gasping—

"Aaahh… haahh… nghh—!"

And then—

A flash.

A voice.

"Haah—"

"You still want to keep that fucker, huh?"

His breath hitched.

"N-No… nghh—noooo!" He sobbed violently, his body jerking as if trying to escape the voice inside his head.

"Aaaghh!" He clutched his head, squeezing his eyes shut, but the memory wouldn't leave.

No, no, please stop… please stop…

His throat burned. His vision blurred.

His panic grew. His sobs turned into wails.

"Uwaaaaaah! Hic—ahh… nghhh…!"

His body convulsed, the sound of his crying bouncing off the bathroom walls. His gasps were erratic, sharp, desperate—like he was drowning, suffocating on the weight of his own emotions.

His chest hurt. His head ached.

He couldn't stop.

He couldn't breathe.

"Uhh… haahh—nghh… uuuuahhh!"

The memories wouldn't stop.

The pain wouldn't stop.

His sobs echoed, louder, filling the empty bathroom like a ghost wailing for salvation.

Sergei sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his temples. The room was silent except for the faint echo of dripping water and jiwon's crying voice from the bathroom. He had left Jiwon there, soaked, bleeding, broken—just as he should be.

But then—

"Uwaaaah… nghhh…!"

Jiwon's crying became even more louder.

Desperate.

"Uhh… haahh—nghh…!"

His jaw clenched.

He knew jiwon was panicking.

His breathing was erratic, gasping like he was drowning in his own cries. Sergei stood up, moving toward the bathroom door. He hesitated for a second, his hand hovering over the handle. He should let him cry. He should let him suffer.

But—

"Uuuuahhh… nghhh—!"

His fingers twitched, his body moved on its own.

He pushed open the door.

Jiwon was curled up against the bathtub, shaking violently, his hands clawing at his own head as if trying to rip something out of his mind. His wet clothes clung to his trembling body. His lips were parted, gasping for breath between his sobs, eyes unfocused, lost.

Sergei took a step closer.

"Jiwon."

No response.

Only more sobbing.

"Jiwon." He crouched down, his voice firm but quieter.

Jiwon didn't even flinch. His whole body jerked with each hiccuped breath, chest heaving, tears streaming down his face.

"Uaaaah… nghh—aaah!"

Sergei grabbed his shoulder.

"Jiwon, breathe."

Nothing.

Jiwon was spiraling. His breath hitched in quick, uneven gasps, eyes wide but not seeing, drowning in his own terror.

Sergei cursed under his breath.

He grabbed Jiwon's face.

"Jiwon!"

No reaction.

His body was convulsing, his breathing too fast, too unstable...

He was going to pass out.

Sergei didn't think. The panic in Jiwon's breathing, the way his body was trembling uncontrollably, it clawed at something deep inside him. He needed to stop it. He needed to calm him.

Without another thought, Sergei pressed his lips to Jiwon's.

At first, Jiwon went completely still. His breath hitched with a strangled "h-hah", a noise stuck in his throat, and Sergei felt the rigid panic in the way Jiwon's body jerked beneath his touch.

But Sergei wasn't rough. He wasn't demanding. His lips brushed slowly, gently against Jiwon's, careful to avoid pushing him any further into the frenzy that already gripped him. He held Jiwon's face softly, his fingers brushing over the damp skin, feeling the rapid pulse in his temples.

Jiwon's lips parted with a soft "uhn", as if his body couldn't decide whether to fight or surrender. Sergei didn't rush. He just kept kissing him, steady, calm—letting the kiss be the anchor in the storm that was swirling around Jiwon's mind.

"Breathe,Jiwon". Sergei murmured against his lips, his voice low, soothing.

He felt Jiwon's chest rise and fall, quick and shallow, as his breath trembled between them, a soft "huhh… mmm" escaping.

Jiwon's hands, which had been clawing at his own chest, stopped moving. His fingers curled weakly against Sergei's shirt, but there was no longer a force behind them. It was as if the kiss was pulling him out of the panic, guiding him back to some sense of control.

Sergei pulled back slightly, just enough to breathe, to let Jiwon feel the soft rhythm of his exhale, his own breath coming out in a quiet "hh…hah". His thumb traced the line of Jiwon's jaw, feeling the delicate tremor beneath his skin.

"Focus on me. Focus on my breath."

Jiwon's eyes fluttered open with a soft "nnh", glassy, but still, they locked onto Sergei's. He was shaking, still so broken, but there was something different now something calmer, softer, in the way he stared. His breath came slower now, though still uneven, still strained, with a small, shaky "uhh…mmn" as he tried to settle.

Sergei pressed his lips back to Jiwon's, gently, again and again. Not forceful, not demanding—just tender, like he was trying to infuse his calmness into Jiwon, slowly taking him out of the storm and back into stillness.

Jiwon's body gradually stopped its frantic shuddering, his breath deepening, slowing, interrupted by a soft "ughh", like the weight lifting off his chest. The raw panic that had been suffocating him was fading, replaced by something quiet, almost fragile.

His hands, once desperately pushing against Sergei, now rested gently on his chest, as if clinging to the steady beat beneath the surface.

Sergei's grip on his face softened, his kiss light now, just a brush of warmth. He let the kiss be a promise an unspoken assurance that Jiwon didn't have to fight anymore, that he could rest in the stillness Sergei was giving him.

The silence between them felt like a release, like the very air had slowed with Jiwon's breath, and Sergei pulled back just enough to let him breathe, his thumb gently wiping away the wetness from Jiwon's cheeks.

"You're okay now" Sergei murmured, his voice steady but filled with something softer, something more fragile than he'd allowed himself to show. "I've got you."