Between Ghosts and Desire

🎵 Now playing: "In the Shadows" – The Rasmus

It was a Sunday, and Valentina was finally getting a break—a chance to step away from the city, the chaos, the noise… but mostly from her own thoughts.She had woken up early, packed her backpack, and headed to Meiringen, her parents' hometown.

Meiringen is a small district in the Interlaken region, famous for its mountains and classic Swiss charm, often seen in films and social media posts.As one of her favorite songs played in her headphones, she stared out the train window, lost in her thoughts, anxiety, and doubts.

This trip was supposed to help her breathe, to take a break from everything.But anxiety chased her like cops behind smugglers.She couldn't stop overthinking. And one phrase kept spinning in her mind:

"So this is how life passes me by. How sad… I'm 32, unemployed, and lost."

She arrived at the station—swarming with tourists.She remembered this was one of the worst times of year to come home, but it was still better than nothing.As she walked the countryside path surrounded by cows, she found herself wishing she were one of them—doing nothing all day but eating grass… though she'd probably just end up as steak.

"Mom, I'm here."

Her mother was a retired beta and a single woman.Her parents had separated when she was still young and barely tolerated each other.Within thirty minutes, Valentina had already told her everything—over coffee and cookies.

Around 7 p.m., her mom suggested grabbing some beers and visiting her dad to update him as well.Even though they didn't get along, her parents had a silent pact: support their only daughter.They both knew what it was like to be discriminated against.

Her dad, a retired police officer, never made it past a supervisor role in prisons.Her mom never finished college due to lack of money and worked as a technician in psychological support centers.

"Beers? So what's your plan now?" her father asked.

It was nice being home—but also stressful.Soon enough, her parents were arguing over her career path.They said she never should've studied advertising—that she should've picked something more "stable" like law or medicine.

Classic: frustrated parents projecting their regrets onto their children.

That was exactly why she had moved to Zurich.Even though she was born there during one of their trips, she returned later for practical reasons—it was the country's economic capital.But also, one of the toughest cities to live in… especially for a beta.

Three days later, she returned to Zurich and got to work.She knew job hunting wouldn't be easy.

The country's unemployment system offered 80% of your previous salary, but with strict rules:you had to send a certain number of applications per month, or they'd cut your support.And if you didn't find a job in time, they could assign you to anything.

She updated her resume, wrote a cover letter, and took a new photo.But there was one big issue: the recommendation letter.She hadn't received it yet, since she hadn't officially responded to her old agency's offer.She had to decide: accept… or fight.

Like a sarcastic Shakespearean monologue, her thoughts began to spiral:

"To be or not to be… that is the question."To return or not. To get paid or not. To be strong… or just pretend.

She was clear in her mind. But not in her body.

A list of doubts followed:

– I need the money.– I can't live alone for much longer.– I don't want to move back home.– I don't want to bother Lucas.– And I don't really have anyone else.

It was already done.

Besides, she thought back to a certain incident in front of Raffael and Erick a few days ago.

So, with no better option, she wrote the email:

She declined their offer and asked for her full payment and the official recommendation letter.

Before clicking send, she considered taking legal action.

It was fair. It was legal.

But not everything fair in life… happens.

She did what she could.

Or what her mind—and her anxiety—let her do.

She clicked send.

At least now, she'd bought herself a few days… to find a lawyer, or at least a backup plan.

But her thoughts kept buzzing:

How could I quit without a plan B?

There were bills. So many bills.

As kids, we dream of growing up.As adults, we just want to go back.

"Why the hell would anyone want to be an adult in the first place?"

Rent, electricity, phone, internet, food, public transport, taxes…THE DAMN TAXES.

And she didn't even have kids.

She needed dopamine.She didn't know how to get it.

But something—or someone—flashed through her body.

Bastian.

He was supposed to arrive in Zurich in less than a week, visiting some friends.They had already planned to meet up.

But with him, she felt… different.

The more they talked, the more comfortable she felt.

It was new.

A mix of wanting to see him—and fearing he'd be disappointed.

What if I'm not enough?What if I'm too direct, too intense, too complicated?

Was it normal to feel this way in your thirties?

She'd heard that by thirty, you were supposed to have life figured out.

But she had no home.No partner.No dog.No job.

Maybe those people were from another generation.

Or maybe… they were lying.

Because for her, adulthood felt like a game with no clear rules.

Two more days passed, and miraculously, she got two interviews:

—One in person, at a major agency.—One online, at a smaller firm.

Both were scheduled for the same day, two days later.

Everything was moving fast—but in advertising, everything was always due yesterday.

The good news? Neither had asked for a recommendation letter.

She crossed her fingers.

Friday came. Almost a week since her resignation.

She took the train—punctual, as always—walked two blocks, and arrived at a sleek building near the opera house.She waited 45 minutes in the lobby—standard agency stuff.

The interview went well, but the pay?Same as her last job.

And they only wanted to hire her in January.

How would she survive until then?

She rushed home for her second interview—a smaller agency, run by a mixed-caste team.

That one went even better.

The pay was 15% higher, and they wanted her to start in two weeks.

But there was a catch: she'd be the first and only producer on the team, and her contract would be on a three-month trial.

Valentina thought:"This is a great opportunity… but also a huge risk."

The weekend passed quietly.

She stayed home, watching series, reading comics, and listening to music.

She also picked up a book she hadn't touched in over a year: Tatiana and Alexander—tragic, but hopeful.Just like her life.

On Monday, two things happened:

—She got the job at the small agency.—And Bastian texted her.

WhatsApp

Bastian: Signorina, I'll be arriving in Zurich Wednesday morning. Want to meet?

Valentina: Oh, I thought you weren't coming until Friday.

Bastian: Yes, well… turns out I'm a little too impatient to see someone.

Valentina: A date?

Bastian: Hahahaha. You're really bad at taking hints, huh?

Valentina: ??????????

Bastian: You, Valentina. I want to see you. That's why I'm coming early.

Ah, love.

Isn't it ironic that after a week of chaos, she now had a new job and someone who actually wanted her?

But her anxious brain refused to believe it.

She knew anxious minds ask a million questions for every answer—and have one answer for a million possibilities.

She'd been single for five years.Sure, she had dated… but no one had pursued her just like that.No one approached her unless she was with Lucas.

And Lucas… was sunlight.A star in a room full of fireflies.

Valentina had self-esteem—but she also recognized the kind of beauty Lucas attracted.

Was Bastian the exception?

She met him at the beach, with Lucas.But he was the one who approached her.He was the one who insisted.

And now, he was coming.For her.

Or so she told herself…in her moments of madness.

Wednesday. Valentina went to pick him up.

She was nervous.

She hadn't seen him in person since the beach.

Just texts, brief calls.

What would happen?

Would they talk?Would they kiss?Would they sleep together?

"So… did you miss me?"

Seeing him felt like a fire lit in her stomach.

She wanted to jump on him—but she held back.

"Can I stay at your place tonight?"

"Excuse me? I thought you were staying with friends…"

"I am. But I also came for you. I want to get to know you better."

"Don't you think you're being a little too forward?"

"Sharp tongue. Direct mind. I like that."

Valentina hesitated.She didn't trust easily.She didn't know his habits.

What if he was just another charming narcissist?

Or worse… a serial killer?

Eventually, he agreed to stay with his friends—but asked to spend the whole day with her.

She agreed.

Back at her place, the atmosphere changed.

There was no tension.

There was electricity.

No words.Just ragged breathing.

And long-held gazes.

They moved closer.

And just like that… they started kissing.

These weren't soft kisses.

They were hungry.Desperate.

And in her mind, minute 2:15 of "Angel – Massive Attack" played on repeat.

She took off her blouse.

He didn't hesitate to unclip her bra.

He kissed her breasts—hard. Not tenderly.

She grabbed his head and pulled him closer to her chest.

She moaned.Told him not to stop.Told him to go harder.

He turned her around.

Slid off her jeans.

And with trembling hands, he undressed her almost completely.

Her heart was ready to leap out of her mouth.

Not from fear.From desire.

She hadn't felt something so brutally real in so long.

Hadn't been looked at with so much hunger and desperation in years.

He stripped, down to his underwear.

Pressed against her, his length rubbing against her skin.

He bit her ear, licked her neck, and whispered:

"Tonight, I'm going to be good to you. I won't do much… but what I do, you'll never forget."

She nearly lost her mind.

But what truly shattered her…was that he moaned in her ear.

And that—that broke her open.

A man moaning.

Moaning for her.

Moaning her name.

And it turned her on more than anything else.

"Valentina…" he whispered, voice strained, body tense. "I want to be inside you."

She moved, desperate to face him.

They rubbed against each other.Every motion a tremor through her skull.

"Say it," he whispered. "Tell me you want it. I can go slow—or I can tear your soul apart."

"I want it. All of it."

"You sure? I could go so deep you'll be begging me for more."

Valentina wasn't thinking anymore.

She just arched.

Just pushed herself against him.

She wanted to feel him.

All of him.

And just as he was about to enter—

KNOCK KNOCK.

Someone at the door.

Silence.

They both froze.

It was Lucas.

Valentina had forgotten she'd told him to come by. Just in case.

Because that morning, her gut told her not to trust Bastian.

And her gut, as always… was either right—

Or totally wrong.

She stood still.

The adrenaline vanished like a slap.

She got dressed. Quietly.

She didn't look at him.

Didn't say a word.

And thought to herself:

I served myself on a silver platter…Now I'm just a cold dish.

Will there be...a next time?