Into the Dungeon, or How We End Up in a Pit of Monsters

The forest path was peaceful. Too peaceful.

Sunlight shone through the trees, deep shadows creeping on the dirt as Eris and Leon walked. The air was laden with pine, and occasionally, a bird chirped in the distance. He felt like he was part of a nature documentary, except for the little nuance that he was a sword and his new master had not solved her problem of walking yet, still tripping over her own feet.

"I promise I'm getting better at this," Eris said under her breath more to herself than Leon when she had trouble holding onto him. She had apparently stumbled on holding the sword proper enough for the last few minutes that she hadn't faced planted into the dirt, so Leon counted that as a small victory. "A little more, and I will do this easily."

"Yeah, sure. "Just don't hurt yourself," Leon thought sarcastically, but bit back his response. For the moment, though, he was feeling a little more generous — which, of course, meant he had no idea what kind of mess they were about to step into.

"Here it is!" Suddenly, she said, her voice was echoing with excitement. She gestured toward the front, where a huge, yawning mouth of a cave wall was opening itself to them, barely visible through the dense trees.

"Wait… what?" Leon's mind reeled. "What do you mean 'here it is'? You're not really considering entering that thing, are you?"

But before he could even finish the thought, Eris had already started walking forward toward the entrance to the dungeon, her confidence only slightly waning even through her typical clumsiness. "I've been hearing about this dungeon for days! The Goblin's Den! I heard there's treasure in there, and we could definitely use it."

If Leon could have rolled his eyes, he would have, but he made every effort to keep his cool. "A goblin dungeon, huh? Great. Sounds like a level-one nightmare for two amateurs like us. I bet you want me to whirl you 'round and make you a human wrecking ball?"

"I was hoping you could be more of a sword than a wrecking ball, but that's basically the idea," Eris said with a wink as if this was some kind of grand plan.

Leon sighed inwardly. "At least she's enthusiastic. That's half the battle, right? He looked around at the heavy stone builds encasing the round format pillars, the cobbled reflecting onto the darkness of the cave. "Okay, let's put this behind us. But don't get all impressed when you start tripping over your own feet again."

Eris enthusiastically nodded as she hoisted Leon above her head. He experienced that same peculiar feeling of being lifted into the air, but he was a little more worried about what was in front of him. He felt a bit nervous as she entered the dungeon.

Inside the Dungeon...

As soon as they entered the threshold, the mood changed. The humidity that enveloped the area was stale and the air thick with decay. Rough stone walls were overrun by patches of moss, and the narrow path ahead twisted around like a maze. He could feel the tension mounting. Something was certainly off here, but it wasn't as though he could tell Eris that.

"I can do this. I can handle this," Eris muttered to herself, her arm outstretched and hand gripping Leon's hilt as they delved further in.

"Oh, we're whispering to ourselves now? That's endearing," Leon thought, but elected to say nothing, not yet. Not like he had any better ideas. More than a sword didn't leave him many avenues to assist.

The further they travelled the darker the dungeon became. Auditory cues became the only means of orientation, as she sealed her lips and leaned deeper into the void, feet stopped by silence, just the want for footsteps, just the want for ringing laughter echoing in the chasm.

Then, a soft shuffle disturbed the silence. Leon's senses flared.

"Wait," Leon whispered—not that Eris could hear him—"there's something up ahead."

And sure enough, peeking around the corner was a pair of goblin eyes gleaming in the darkness, and then a full gang of goblins shuffling into view. They were five short green creatures, clothed in rags and wielding oversized clubs. They shrieked, their beady eyes glaring with malice.

Eris's face paled. "Uh-oh. Okay. Stay calm, Eris. We can handle this… maybe."

Leon couldn't stop chuckling in his head. "Yeah, sure. Maybe. You've got this. Totally."

The goblins babbled in their guttural tongue, not quite noticing Eris yet. But when one of them sniffed the air and pointed straight at her, she turned their attention in an alarming hurry.

"Uh, Leon?" Eris's voice wavered. "What do I do now?"

"Oh, you're asking me now? I'm just a sword, you know. "A very, very clever sword," Leon thought to himself indignantly, yet he was met with silence. No time for jokes now. "Alright, fine. You're going to have to battle, obviously. Just… don't drop me again."

Eris inhaled deeply, then dashed forward. "Here goes nothing!" this, she shrieked, running with Leon raised over her head like an amateur knight at a joust.

"Oh no, no, no. This is bad."

She didn't hit the nearest goblin when trying to swing Leon either — let's not talk about her aim. It was less a clean cut through the goblin than a clumsy graze of the flat of the blade over its ear. The goblin squealed and recoiled, startled. Leon, still getting the hang on this whole "being a weapon" thing, couldn't mentally shut up.

"You're supposed to slice it, not caress it! Did you learn that from a toddler?'"

But the goblins surprisingly did not retreat. Instead, they roared in rage and rushed Eris, their clubs threateningly raised.

"Okay, okay, we can do this!" Eris hissed, swinging once more, through gritted teeth. This time she planted one square in the chest of one of the goblins. The goblin screamed a high-pitched scream and, to Leon's astonishment, it fell.

"Ha! I got one!" Eris shouted in victory, though her posture was more ungainly than heroic.

"Well, I'll be damned," Leon thought, struck by the irony of her good fortune — or lack thereof.

The rest of the goblins charged her, but Eris, while pathetically unqualified, had one virtue: she was stubborn. She didn't back down. A couple more wild swings had two of the goblins clattering to the ground, out cold, the flat of the sword having done the job.

"That's it! I've got it!" Yelled Eris with a wide smile on her face. Leon wasn't sure whether he was impressed or simply relieved. Maybe both.

And just to add to the tension, when it looked like the goblins were gonna back down and call it quits, a huge roar reverberated through the dungeon. Under their feet the ground shook. Eris turned in panic. "W-What was that?! "

Leon's instincts kicked in. "Something's not right here…"

Before Eris could respond, a huge, savage beast seemed to leap from the shadows—What a Goblin King, at least three times the size of the others. Its eyes glowing with bloodlust, it charged at them."

"Great," Leon thought. "Now it's a goblin king? "This is going to end in disaster."