Updating the system

The room was sterile—too clean, too white. In the center stood something that resembled a dentist's chair, but far less friendly. Next to it loomed a robot with a cute yet unsettling expression.

Felix: Kyle, please tell me this tin can isn't about to drill into my head.

Kyle: Relax, it's just a diagnostic.

Carmen (AI Robot): Data correction: this is not "drilling into your head" but "a non-invasive microchip insertion through the cranial plate."

Felix: THAT'S THE SAME THING!

Felix tried to stand up, but Kyle calmly placed a hand on his shoulder.

Kyle: Felix, it's fine. Just don't think about it.

Felix: DON'T THINK ABOUT IT?! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF "DON'T THINK ABOUT A WHITE BEAR"? NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT A CHIP IN MY HEAD!

Carmen raised a mechanical arm, holding a miniature tool.

Carmen: Please allow me to begin the scan. This will take approximately 3.4 seconds.

Felix: What if I don't want it?

Carmen: Your consent is not required.

Felix: KYYYLE!

Kyle: Well, technically, she's right.

Carmen leaned in closer, her glowing blue eyes reflecting off Felix's terrified face. He gripped the armrests tightly.

Felix: I don't want to die, Kyle.

Kyle: No one's killing you.

Felix: Easy for you to say! You don't have a chip in your head!

Carmen slowly brought the tool to Felix's temple.

Carmen: Perhaps after implantation, you will change your opinion.

Felix: Oh, I'll change my opinion, alright—BECAUSE I'LL HAVE A CHIP IN MY HEAD!

A quiet beep sounded, and a soft laser brushed against his skin. Felix froze, eyes shut tight.

Silence.

Felix: …Am I dead?

Kyle: No, but you're basically a walking Wi-Fi router now.

Felix cautiously opened his eyes and touched his temple.

Felix: Huh. Maybe it's not that bad.

A notification flashed on Carmen's screen: "External interference detected. Subject Felix has undergone mental infiltration."

Carmen: Fascinating. Jonathan has left traces of data in your mind.

Felix: Great. I'm not just a victim of robotization—I'm a USB stick.

Kyle: Well, at least now we know why you've been acting weird.

Felix: I'm not weird! This is all Jonathan's fault!

Carmen paused before smiling pleasantly.

Carmen: Excellent news! I can now extract this data.

Carmen activated the program. Felix immediately jumped up from the chair.

Felix: NO, THANK YOU, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

He bolted for the door.

Kyle: Nice work.

Carmen: Thank you. Please return the patient for his next examination.

Kyle: Oh, I'll try.

Felix's voice echoed from the hallway.

Felix: I CAN HEAR YOU! AND I'M NOT COMING BACK!

...

It all started with a normal screen.

Felix was still rubbing his temple in irritation, checking for any traces of the chip, when the system interface popped up in front of his eyes.

Felix Phoenix

Age: 26

FB: 200

World Ranking: 5,300,854th

Felix: ...Okay, what kind of ranking is this anyway? And my FB level dropped...

Kyle: (staring at his screen) Um... I can see it too.

Felix: Why am I in five million or something?!

Kyle: Well, it's better than being last.

Felix: I didn't know we even had a ranking!

Kyle: Me too.

Carmen stood next to them, looking at them expectantly.

Carmen: The world ranking system was implemented an hour ago. Congratulations! You can now track your position among other citizens.

Felix: Cool. Just awesome. I have a new way to feel worthless.

But then it got worse.

A new notification popped up in front of my eyes.

Warning! Felix Felix, you have broken the law! According to the Dome law, all citizens who have reached the age of 21 are required to either marry or pay a celibacy tax (1 kanteeegan per month).

All citizens who have reached the age of 23 are required to either have a child or pay a childlessness tax (3 kanteeegan per month).

Your status: 26 years old.

Marital status: Single.

Children: None.

Assigned tax: 4 kanteeegan per month for this month. But you must pay 96 kanteeegan soon.

Felix froze.

Felix: …What?

Kyle slowly turned to him as well.

Kyle: Wait... That makes it...

Felix swallowed hard.

Felix: We have to pay... $240 a month... just to exist?

Carmen nodded.

Carmen: Correct. The next charge will be in 29 days.

Felix: (in the voice of a man losing the meaning of life) I... I...

He grabbed Kyle's shoulders abruptly.

Felix: Get rid of me.

Kyle: WHAT?!

Felix: We need a way to beat the system now!

Kyle: That's not how it works!

Felix: I CAN'T PAY $240 A MONTH FOR NOTHING!

Kyle: What if you had a child?

Felix: Where would I get one for you, Kyle?!

Carmen chimed in.

Carmen: Option: Adoption is available through government centers.

Felix and Kyle stared at her.

Felix: …How fast?

Carmen: It takes 4 to 12 months.

Felix: (covers face with hands) That's it. I'm screwed. I'm broke.

Kyle: Don't be dramatic.

Felix: You're screwed too!

Kyle: …Damn.

They exchanged glances.

Kyle: We have 29 days to figure something out.

Felix: Either we get married, or... or... AHHH!

Carmen smiled sweetly.

Carmen: If you need some advice on finding a partner, I can run a compatibility analysis on your contacts.

Felix waved his hands in horror.

Felix: NO!

Kyle rubbed his temple.

Kyle: Okay, panic now, deal with it later?

Felix: Yeah.

They took a deep breath.

Felix: …And if I escape the Dome?

Carmen: That would void all your rights and citizenship.

Felix: …Great.

Kyle clapped him on the shoulder.

Kyle: Okay, let's come up with a plan.

Felix stared into space, resigned.

Felix: I hate taxes.

Felix and Kyle were still in a state of panic when Carmen suddenly turned on the screen with a new notification.