Episode 13: The Rogue and the Gossiping Boots

The shop door barely made a sound as it creaked open, which was already suspicious. Felix glanced up from an enchanted quill that was writing love poetry to itself. A hooded figure slunk inside, moving with the kind of practiced stealth that screamed, "I definitely did something illegal recently."

The rogue tossed back his hood, revealing a smirk and an impressive amount of eyeliner. "Name's Varian Shadowstep. Best thief in the kingdom — but I need an upgrade."

Felix leaned on the counter. "Yeah? What kind of upgrade?"

Varian flicked a dagger between his fingers lazily. "I need boots. Silent ones. Like, 'sneak past a dragon taking a nap' silent."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Just silence?"

Varian grinned. "Well, maybe a little style too. Can't be the best-dressed rogue in the kingdom wearing something basic."

Felix nodded, already having ideas. "Alright, stealthy and stylish. Let's make it interesting."

---

An Hour Later…

Felix unveiled the boots with a flourish. They were sleek, black leather with silver trim, and the soles shimmered faintly with a muffling enchantment.

"Here you go. Silent as a shadow, smooth as a ballroom waltz. Try 'em on."

Varian tugged on the boots eagerly and took a cautious step. No sound. He grinned, took another step — still nothing. He walked in a circle, utterly noiseless.

"Oh, these are perfect," Varian said, impressed.

Then the boots spoke. Loudly.

"Ooooh, look at Mr. Fancy Pants, creeping around again! Where we headed this time, Varian? The bakery? Back to Lady Clarisse's window? You know she's not interested, right?"

Varian froze. Felix blinked. Zira fell off the shelf laughing.

"...What the hell was that?" Varian demanded, his voice barely above a whisper.

Felix rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "So… funny story. I added a little extra enchantment for personality. Looks like the boots ended up a bit more, uh, talkative than expected."

"Talkative?" the boots scoffed. "We're more than talkative, pal — we're observers. And by the way, Varian, maybe lay off the garlic. Your socks are suffering."

Zira wheezed. "Oh gods, they're judgmental too!"

Varian's eye twitched. "You gave me gossiping boots?"

Felix shrugged. "I mean… technically, they're still silent to everyone else. You're the only one who hears them."

Varian groaned. "Can you fix them?"

The boots chimed in. "Fix us? Oh no, no, no. We're perfect. We're your partners now, Varian. Ride or die. And by the way, that alley shortcut you keep taking? Smells like wet dog. You should avoid it."

Zira wiped tears from her eyes. "I dunno, Varian. Sounds like you got the most loyal sidekicks in town."

Varian shot her a glare. "I'm a rogue. I'm supposed to be mysterious and cool!"

"Mysterious? Buddy, you cried during that puppet show last week. We were there."

Felix chuckled, trying to look sympathetic and failing miserably. "Hey, on the bright side, no one will hear you coming… but you'll never sneak past your own self-esteem again."

Varian sighed dramatically. "Fine. I'll take them. But if they start spilling my secrets to the tavern wenches, I'm coming back for a refund."

"Pfft. Like you have secrets worth sharing."

Felix and Zira were still laughing long after Varian stomped out — silently, but furiously.