Episode 22: The Wizard and the Loudmouth Staff

It was another peaceful afternoon — which meant, naturally, it wouldn't last.

The door (or what was left of it) swung open dramatically. This time, a tall, wiry man in flowing purple robes stormed in. His beard was long and unkempt, and his hair stuck out in every direction like he'd recently lost a fight with static electricity.

"I REQUIRE POWER BEYOND MORTAL COMPREHENSION!" he bellowed, pointing a crooked finger toward the ceiling.

Zira glanced up from her book. "You and every other wizard who walks in here."

The man scowled. "I am Magnus the Magnificent! Archmage of the Arcane Spire! Master of the Twelve Circles of Flame! Bane of —"

Felix cut him off with a sigh. "Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're important. What do you actually want?"

Magnus huffed, clearly offended by the lack of awe. "My spells are powerful — but I require more. A staff that amplifies my magic to legendary levels!"

Felix scratched his chin. "Amplify your spells? Shouldn't be too hard."

Magnus leaned in dramatically. "And… it must look extremely cool."

Zira snorted. "Yeah, wouldn't want anyone mistaking you for a regular fireball-chucking egomaniac."

Magnus ignored her, swishing his robes dramatically. They got caught on the counter. He pretended it didn't happen.

Felix nodded. "Alright, big guy. One flashy, power-boosting staff coming right up."

---

Thirty Minutes Later…

Felix proudly held up a polished oak staff, topped with a glowing crystal that pulsed faintly.

"This bad boy amplifies your spells by 50%. Fireballs bigger, lightning bolts flashier, illusions more realistic — the whole package."

Magnus's eyes sparkled. "Yes! With this, I shall become unstoppable!" He snatched the staff and held it high.

A deep, booming voice echoed from the staff itself:

"YES, YOU SHALL BECOME UNSTOPPABLE!"

Everyone froze.

Magnus blinked. "...Did the staff just talk?"

Felix frowned. "Huh. That wasn't supposed to happen."

Magnus cleared his throat. "Ahem. I AM MAGNUS THE MAGNIFICENT, MASTER OF THE ARCANE!"

The staff's voice exploded through the room like thunder.

"HE IS MAGNUS THE MAGNIFICENT, MASTER OF THE ARCANE — AND A BIT FULL OF HIMSELF!"

Zira choked on her tea, barely holding back a laugh.

Magnus's eye twitched. "What… what did you do?!"

Felix stared at the staff. "Looks like the enchantment didn't just amplify your magic. It, uh… amplifies everything you say, too."

Magnus stared at the staff in horror.

"HE'S THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HATES THIS, BUT ALSO DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT HE CAN'T CONTROL IT!"

Zira wheezed. "Oh, this is the best thing that's ever happened."

Magnus growled. "Can you fix it?!"

"HE'S SECRETLY DESPERATE BUT DOESN'T WANT TO SEEM WEAK!"

Felix bit back a laugh. "Yeah, I can fix it. But, uh… this is kind of fun."

Magnus glared daggers at him. "You wouldn't dare."

The staff boomed, louder than ever:

"HE TOTALLY WOULD."

Zira fell off her chair, laughing uncontrollably.

Magnus looked like he was about to explode. "FIX IT!"

Felix chuckled, waving him over. "Alright, alright. Bring it here, loudmouth."

---

Ten Minutes Later…

Felix tweaked the enchantment, and the staff's glow dimmed a little.

"There. Now it'll only amplify your spells — not your voice."

Magnus exhaled in relief. He tested it by raising the staff again. "Behold! Fireball!"

A blazing sphere shot from the staff, three times larger than before. It crashed into the sky outside with an impressive BOOM — and set a passing pigeon on fire. The pigeon squawked, visibly annoyed, and flew off smoking.

"YES!" Magnus cheered. "It works!"

Felix grinned. "Told you. Now go set something else on fire — outside."

Magnus tossed a pouch of coins onto the counter, swishing his robes again as he left (still catching them on the doorframe).

Zira sat up from the floor, wiping tears from her eyes. "So… how long until he comes back because he accidentally blew up his tower?"

Felix smirked. "Give it a week."