Episode 38: The Mood-Reading Crystal Ball (Now with Sarcasm Detection)

The shop door swung open with more force than usual, slamming against the wall with a dramatic BANG.

In walked a woman in a bright green robe, covered in an unnecessary number of celestial patterns — moons, stars, and what might've been a screaming comet. She stomped up to the counter, eyes locked on Felix like he owed her money.

"You!" she declared, pointing a bejeweled finger. "I need a crystal ball."

Felix blinked. "Yeah, sure. We've got plenty. Big ones, small ones, one that smells like lavender for some reason—"

The woman cut him off with a dramatic wave. "No. I need a Mood-Reading Crystal Ball. And it must come with a sarcasm detector."

Felix exchanged a glance with Zira, who was lounging (as always) on the windowsill, carving a tiny, inappropriate mustache into a wooden owl.

"Sarcasm detector?" Felix asked slowly. "Why?"

The woman huffed. "My husband is impossible. I ask him how his day was, and he says, 'Oh, just fantastic, darling,' in that voice. And when I asked if he liked the curtains I picked, he said, 'They're absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me, second only to our wedding.' I need to know when he's being sarcastic. It's driving me mad."

Zira snorted. "Lady, that's not sarcasm. That's survival instinct."

The woman shot Zira a glare that could have peeled paint.

Felix sighed, rubbing his temples. "Alright, fine. Mood-reading crystal ball, sarcasm detection included. Give me a bit."

---

One Sarcasm-Fueled Hour Later…

Felix placed the crystal ball on the counter. It shimmered faintly, swirling with colors that vaguely reminded him of an oil slick — beautiful but slightly threatening.

"Here's your mood reader. It detects basic emotions like happiness, anger, sadness… and I added sarcasm detection like you wanted." He tapped the ball, and it glowed blue. "Blue means genuine. Red means sarcasm. If it turns purple, it means he's passive-aggressively pretending he's not mad."

The woman's eyes sparkled with joy. "Perfect! How does it work?"

Felix shrugged. "Just hold it while someone talks to you. It'll read their mood and glow accordingly."

She snatched it up eagerly. "Let's test it."

Felix nodded to Zira. "Go on, say something."

Zira grinned like a cat about to knock a vase off the table. "Felix is an incredible wizard and a joy to work with."

The crystal ball immediately flared an angry, blinding red.

The woman gasped. "It works!"

Felix rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your sarcasm detector."

The woman practically skipped out of the shop, holding the crystal ball like it was her new best friend.

---

Fifteen Minutes Later…

The shop bell rang again. The same woman stormed back in, crystal ball in hand — now pulsing a deep, exhausted purple.

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Uh… problem?"

She slammed the ball down on the counter. "My husband held it for five seconds. It hasn't stopped glowing purple since. What does purple mean again?"

Felix cleared his throat awkwardly. "That's… passive-aggressive frustration."

The woman stared at the ball, then sighed. "Well, at least now I know." She picked it back up, grumbling as she left.

Zira snickered. "Think they'll make it to their next anniversary?"

Felix chuckled. "Depends. If he figures out what purple means, he might file for emotional custody of the crystal ball."