Entry 14: Okay, Now I’m Jealous

After our falling out and reconciliation, things between me and Preston have been sailing pretty smoothly. He's still underwhelming in the communication department but he seems more secure in things. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop feeling like I had to walk on eggshells around him. I avoided bringing up my ex and he never asked about Drake either. I couldn't stop wondering why it was so easy for Preston to ghost me the way he did. I adapted to trusting his actions before his lack of words and the action of ignoring me for three days was telling. Maybe I don't mean as much to him as I thought I did.

At lunch, I stared out the window at Preston. He was sitting under a tree in the quad with his music theory book and a pen. He was writing something down, probably another song. I kept wondering what he was thinking before my thoughts were interrupted by Alyssa.

"Why don't you ever sit with Preston?" She asked.

I shrugged as I continued to stare after him.

"He's never asked me to," I sighed.

It was true. Even until this day, we've never sat together for lunch. I don't know why. Every other couple sits together except us. I sit with the cheerleaders and he sits alone. He doesn't even so much as look in my direction.

"My brother's not gonna ask you to sit with him. He probably wants you to just do it."

"Why is he like that," I asked.

"Like what?"

"So...expressionless."

Alyssa shrugged nonchalantly.

"He's never been one for words unless he's writing them down. I think he just got worse after Miranda."

My head nearly snapped off my neck with how quickly I cocked it to the side. Who the hell was Miranda?

"Excuse me, Miranda?" I asked while blinking in disbelief.

"Yeah, Preston's ex-girlfriend. They broke up in this past summer. Like the end of May or early June. He wouldn't say so but I could tell he was heartbroken. Have you ever listened to any of his songs? They're all depressing or angry and they're all about her."

Again, who the fuck was Miranda? Who was the girl that broke Preston's heart? My Preston!

"How long did they date? How old is she? What does she look like?"

I couldn't help it. The questions were spilling out of me so fast. I could tell the panicked expression in my face was concerning Alyssa. She was about to open her mouth when the lunch bell rang. She was obviously grateful that lunch was over cause she beat it out of the cafeteria before I could interrogate her anymore.

So for the next couple of hours, I was absolutely tortured by the thought of this Miranda girl. Her existence was driving me crazy. Preston never mentioned any ex girlfriends. Especially not any that would've hurt him and had him writing break up songs. I knew this girl had to be older than me, at least. Possibly even older than Preston. That's what worried me the most. If the last relationship he was in was with a girl more...experienced.

Even at cheerleading practice, as I was getting thrown into the air repeatedly, I couldn't shake the horrible feeling I felt in my stomach. Preston was napping on the bleachers so he didn't notice the way I was staring him down. I was so distracted, I couldn't concentrate on my cheerleading.

When practice ended, he took me home as usual. He was quiet like he always was but so was I. He could tell there was something off with me because usually I'd try to have a million conversations with him the entire way.

"Are you good?" He asked.

I stared down at my hands, folded in my lap and nodded. I was less than convincing.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I decided it would be useless to sulk about something I had no real information on. The only person that could tell me what I wanted to hear was Preston. So I went for it.

"Can we talk about something?"

A bit of silence passed before he responded.

"Sure." He shrugged.

"Who is.... Miranda?" I asked cautiously.

The way Preston's hands gripped the steering wheel was enough to make me want to go back in time and keep my mouth shut. He took his eyes off the road momentarily and shot me a bothered look.

"Is there any particular reason you want to talk about my ex?" He asked coldly.

"I was just wondering what happened between you two."

"Well, don't."

"Why not?"

"Drop it Parker."

"Why? I just want to know."

"No."

"But I told you everything that happened with me and Drake!"

Preston came to a sudden stop outside of my house.

"You're pissing me off." He said staring straight in front of him.

I should've known better than to expect Preston to open up about anything. Especially an ex-girlfriend. I don't know why I even tried.

Neither of us uttered a word as I grabbed my backpack and duffle bag angrily.

"You don't have to be such a- a-"

"A what?" Preston glared

"A jerk!"

I slammed the door and stormed off into my house. I didn't look back and only heard the sound of his car peeling out of the driveway. I don't care if I was being overdramatic. This whole Miranda thing was weighing heavily on my mind. If he cared about me in the slightest, he would've tried to remedy that, correct?

Anyways, that night I didn't even wait for Preston to call. I almost didn't care if he did or not. I was leaning more on him not calling at all but was surprised when my phone started ringing around 10:00pm. I stared at his name while the ringtone sang out in my room. It was at this moment that I decided to test him. I wasn't going to pick up the first time he called. I was mad at him. But if he tried again, at least I'd know he was trying.

When the phone stopped ringing, there was a long silence. My heart sank in disappointment thinking one call was all I could expect from him. My stomach did a backflip inside my body when my phone started ringing again. I looked and it was Preston again. He called a second time!

"Hello," I said, picking up on the third ring.

"Come outside," he said.

"But it's 10 o'clock."

"Okay."

"Okay...."

He clearly didn't care that I'd have to sneak out of my house in my pajamas. I looked like total crap but he had seen me looking worse that night after Elizabeth's party.

I pulled on my gray jacket and cracked open my window that led to the side yard. I could see Preston's car lights shining from the window. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I climbed out onto the roof and shimmied my way over to the trellis. Once I climbed down that, I bolted into my neighbor's yard into the blind spot of my house's security cameras.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered, slipping into Preston's car.

"Why are you whispering?" He asked at a normal decibel level. Before I could answer, he looked me up and down.

"And what are you wearing?" He asked.

I scanned over my outfit. A white tank top with a pink bunny and matching pink bunny pajama pants. I also had on my slipper-like boots and my jacket but I knew he was talking about my pj's.

"I was about to go to sleep..."

Preston smirked and shook his head. I couldn't tell if he was making fun of me or not but it didn't feel malicious.

"You look pretty without makeup."

"Prettier than with makeup?" I asked.

"No. Just pretty as usual."

Good answer. I smiled to myself, totally geeked out. He was always so randomly sweet. I almost forgot that I was mad at him.

Before I could say anything else, Preston knocked his car into gear and drove off down the street.

"Wanna go for a ride?" He asked after I had no choice.

"Oh- okay.."

I was nervous that my parents would take notice of my disappearance. I had my phone on me so I just anticipated that an angry, distressed phone call would come from my mother at some point.

There was something so calming about the silence in the car. Preston was just driving off to wherever but I didn't care. I liked being with him anywhere.

"Why did you come tonight?" I asked, leaning back in the seat.

"I thought you were mad at me."

"I am mad at you," I stated and folded my arms to myself.

"Why?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to answer. He knew exactly why.

"You want to know about Miranda that bad?"

I didn't make a single movement nor did I make a sound. He knew exactly what I wanted.

"She cheated on me," He confessed.

My arms relaxed and I sat up, listening intently as he spilled.

"I went to pick her up from college for summer break and she was fucking some guy in her dorm."

I could hear the pain in Preston's voice. It was like he was still hurt by the situation and embarrassed. That's how I felt about my situation last year.

"So you two broke up pretty recently..."

"Like 4 months ago."

Drake and I had been broken up for a whole year.

"Preston, if I had known I... I just... I wanted to know-"

Preston took his eyes off the road briefly and shot me a curious look.

"Wanted to know what?"

"Nothing, it's stupid."

"Tell me."

I sighed, feeling embarrassed by my own insecurities.

"I wanted to know what she looks like or if you think that she's prettier than me?"

Preston scoffed and laughed out of nowhere.

"You two are incomparable." He simply stated.

What the fuck did that mean? Was she ugly? Was she prettier than me by a landslide? What did he mean by that?

"Incomparable, how?" I asked.

"You two are not the same at all."

"Not the same how? She's really pretty?"

"Yeah she's pretty," he shrugged.

My heart sank in fear that I was incomparable to her beauty.

"Then what am I?"

Preston was silent for a second. He looked me over as if he was scrutinizing every detail of my appearance."

"You're... breathtaking."

That one simple compliment invoked a smile from me so big, I had to turn away. Preston shook his head.

"Stop comparing yourself to other people. You're perfect."

I raised an eyebrow.

"If I'm so 'perfect' then why did you laugh?" I asked.

"Laugh? When?"

"When I asked you out for the first time. You laughed in my face."

Preston smirked to himself and shook his head.

"What? Was it so ridiculous of a thought to you? What made you say yes?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I guess I thought you were joking."

"Why?"

"Because why would you want to go out with me? We never even spoke to each other before."

Preston made a confused face and looked at me for a second.

"Why did you want to go out with me?"

I looked him up and down. I couldn't just say the idea popped into my head in order to make Drake jealous.

"I don't downgrade. You were the only boy in the whole school that I thought was better than Drake."

Preston shrugged.

"That's not true. A lot of guys are better than that asshole."

"I know..." I said ashamed of my superficiality. "But aside from personality, I wanted someone better looking and a better status."

"Status? I don't have a status at school."

"Yes you do. Every girl in school wants you. And your looks are... let's just say they're unmatched."

I could tell Preston was confused. He really didn't know he had a reputation of being the most coveted boy in school. He didn't think as highly of himself as everyone else did. Preston was just effortlessly desirable.

"I'm just really glad that you wanted to keep seeing me after finding out what I did..."

Preston moved his hand to mine and rested them on my thigh.

"Everybody makes mistakes. I don't care. I'll stick with you."

I giggled to myself at his last comment.

"'Stick with you'? Like the Pussycat dolls?"

"The what?"

My jaw dropped at his obliviousness.

"The Pussycat Dolls?!" I exclaimed.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

I guess it made sense that he didn't know them. They're way before Alyssa's time and his mom had passed away. Who even knew if she listened to the Pussycat Dolls.

"Give me your phone right now."

I didn't give him a chance to respond before snatching his phone. I was immediately shocked that there was no passcode to enter to unlock it.

He didn't get all beside himself when I took it either. Not like Drake did. He always acted like he had something to hide. Other girls, his football groupchat where he shared nude photos of me. You know, all the normal things guys like to hide in their phones.

The song began to play and the second the first verse started, Preston seemed to be paying close attention. I couldn't help but sing along. In the corner of my eye, I saw Preston smirking. He probably thought I was a horrible singer. Especially compared to him. But I continued to belt the song out with my heart and soul, serenading him. To be completely honest, the lyrics totally encapsulated all my feelings for Preston so it was only right.

We laughed as I sang and he drove me to get some food to take home. I love that he knew I was always hungry. When we got back to my house, I took one last good look at him.

"Parker..." he said.

"Yeah?"

"You know I really like you, right?"

My heart was pounding really fast. This wasn't the Preston I knew. He didn't just come out and say things like this. Expressing things like his feelings or thoughts.

"I really like you too. Like probably way more than you like me," I whispered back.

Preston smiled softly in the light of the moon. He moved forward and kissed me on the lips. I didn't move and I didn't kiss him back. I just wanted to feel him kissing me and I smiled.

"Go inside," he said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Little did he know, he would not be seeing me outside of school for a little while.

I guess I made too much noise trying to break back into my house and I set off the security system. My mom caught me climbing in through the window of my bedroom. Needless to say, I'm grounded from going anywhere except school and cheerleading practice for 1 whole week. Mom said I'm lucky she's still letting me date Preston at all. As if she could stop me. That boy is my entire world.