10— I’m. Not. Gay

Nikolai 

I'm fucking pissed. Not at Adrian but at myself. His words really cut deep and I can't help but feel guilty. I abandoned Irina, though I didn't mean to, but I have no good explanation to give for not talking to her or even calling for six months.

Zorya hates Irina and I. She only loves her stupid son Pavel. And right from when we were kids, she made sure to remind us every day that she hated us. I basically became Irina's backbone. We were siblings who loved each other. I still love her and I'd do anything for her. 

And Pavel? He hits her? He used to do that when we were very much younger, I had no fucking idea that he's still doing that shit. How dare he? And he even calls her mad.

Irina is not mad, she's only suffering from PTSD and it's all because of Zorya.

She treated her so badly and never gave her that motherly love and attention that became traumatic for Irina as she soon fell into depression. She became quick to anger and withdrew herself from everyone. I was the only one she spoke to then, she did not talk to Olga and even our dad. And then, I just left her.

"Fuck!" I curse, running my hands through my hair. I just came back from killing Evgeny and sending his body to his family. I'm seriously not in the mood for all of this, but at the same time, I need to speak to my sister. 

I step out of my room and go straight to hers, I place my hand on the doorknob and thankfully, it's open. I open the door and step in.

"Adrian?" I hear Irina's expectant voice as she stands up from the bed she's sitting on. Like, Adrian? When did they get so fucking close to each other?

"What are you doing here?" Her cold voice breaks through the silence as she realizes that it's not her so-called friend.

"To see you. How are you?" I ask in a calm and collected tone, looking around her dimly lit room.

"Like you care." She scoffs, sitting back down on the bed, and returning to her food. She was eating when I came in.

I hear a cat meowing and my eyes land on her pet. Minnie. I bought her that on her twentieth birthday.

"Irina, can we talk?" I question, slowly walking to the bed and she shoots me a hard look.

"So you suddenly want to talk? Adrian is my friend, he's cooler than you and I won't stop talking to him. Now, get out!!" She fires at me. I know it's going to be so hard talking to her, I'll have to push further. Irina is soft-hearted, it won't take long before I get her attention and forgiveness.

"I want to talk. Irushka." I utter softly as I stand in front of her. I notice the way her gaze softens when I call her that. I've been calling her that for as long as I can remember.

"Get out!" She mumbles under her breath, rising to her feet.

"Irush–" My voice trails off as I feel a wet liquid on my face and upper body. I saw that coming, I knew she was going to pour her drink on me. I deserve that.

"Irushka, big brother is sorry." I say calmly.

"I'll pour my remaining food on you if you don't leave." She threatens, but I don't leave. She's getting more violent and it's all my fault. I left her and she felt so alone.

"I deserve it." I point out and she scoffs.

"You left me!!" She suddenly yells angrily.

"You left me Koyla, you never called and you didn't take me with you!!" She raises her fists in the air and she begins to hit my chest. I don't say anything and just allow her to vent her anger.

"You said you'll never leave me but you left me alone. You weren't there when I was crying for you to come save me when mom would lock me up in chains in the basement." What? But I sent my men to look after her.

"No one knew Koyla, if you're thinking about those jerks you sent. Pavel would send them out and Mom would lock me up. Claiming that I'm mad. I'm not mad!!" She screams, tears streaming down her face.

"You said you'd protect me, but you left me in the hands of those monsters. I'd cry and call you, but you never picked up. I hate you Koyla. I hate you more than them." She breaks down in tears, she slowly and weakly falls to the ground, crying hard.

"I'm sorry for not being there, Irushka." Sorry is definitely not enough and I don't even have any excuse.

"You're my little sister and you're the one I love the most. You know that." I mutter, crouching down beside her. She's the only one I love, I care a lot for the others. Like Olga, Ilya, Kuzma, and Mikhail.

"But you left me!" 

"And I'm sorry." I confess, hugging her tight in my arms as she cries.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk and I promise never to leave you. I'll not allow Pavel to come near you. I promise." I swear on his father's grave, if he lays his hands on my sister again. I'll bury him alive.

"I hate you, Nikolai," Irina says, slowly lifting her head, her voice trembling but her eyes lock on mine, searching for reassurance.

"I deserve that, Irushka. I was blind and stupid. Forgive me, please."

Irina's grip on my shirt tightens, and she buries her face in my chest. "You promised to always protect me, Koyla. Why did you leave me with them?"

I take a deep breath, "I was foolish, Irushka. I thought I was doing what was best, but I realize now I was wrong. Pavel's a monster, and I'll make sure he never hurts you again."

Irina's sobs gradually subside, replaced by sniffles. She looks up at me, her green eyes identical to mine, red-rimmed. "Promise me again, Koyla. Promise me you'll always be there for me."

I cup her face, my eyes locking onto hers. "I swear, Irushka. On our father's grave, I promise to always protect and care for you. No one will ever harm you again, not while I breathe."

Irina's expression softens, and she wraps her arms around me. "I forgive you, Koyla. But don't ever leave me again or I'll kill you." She warns and I chuckle softly.

I hold her close, relief washing over me. "Never, Irushka. I'll never leave your side again."

As we hug, I know our bond is unbreakable. We're siblings, and that's forever. And I don't mind killing Pavel and Zorya if it means protecting Irina. I'll kill anyone that hurts her.

*****

Adrian 

One other long week of being at home. At some point, I actually began to feel useless. My shoulder has healed, but Nikolai still insists I stay home. After that day, he did not say anything about being friends with his sister, he only warned me not to cross my limits, or do anything to hurt her. I don't plan on doing any of that.

Irina is a nice and innocent girl. She's so happy that she has someone to talk to and is usually the first to knock at my door in the morning. Then I'll follow her to the garden and watch over her cat while she plants. Did I forget to mention that she's so energetic? Oh God! She can literally spend time in that garden the whole day tending to her flowers, leaving me worn out at the end of the day. I don't complain though, as long as she's happy.

Today, I've decided to confront Nikolai. I'm not a fucking furniture. He fired me to be his sniper, but he's been keeping me at home for two weeks.

The moment I hear Kuzma walk into his room, I know they are back. I step out of my room and go straight to him. I'm about to reach there, when I see Ilya.

I groan inwardly at the sight of him. This guy doesn't like me, and I don't mind being very far away from him.

He pauses and I stop walking as well, he stares at me for a long time, before saying.

"I don't trust you." Like I fucking care.

"I don't work for you Ilya, you don't have to trust me." I point out in a collected tone and the stern look on his face intensifies.

"I don't know what Irina or Nikolai sees in you, but I'll make sure to expose you for your true colors." He states and I resist the urge to scoff.

He has no idea that I actually came into this house to kill everyone. It's only his intuition and it's right. Too bad, I'll kill all the family of the Rostovs, maybe even him.

"There's nothing to expose Ilya. I mean no harm." I flash a smile at him and he rolls his eyes.

"Where are you going?" He asks and I point at Nikolai's door.

"He did not call for you." He mumbles under his breath, looking at me with nothing but distaste in his eyes.

"I have something to discuss with him."

"Know that I'm watching you, Adrian. I have my eyes on you." Great! That means I'll have to be more careful, I don't call Uncle Sergei, nor do I plan on calling him soon.

He huffs, giving me one last look as he walks away. I shake my head slowly, before heading to Nikolai's room. I get to his room and knock softly on it.

"Who's it?" His deep voice rings in my ears as I reply.

"Adrian. Can I have a word please?" 

"Come in, pretty boy." That fucking name. I hate it, but I can't show it, or it'll make him want to call me that more. Who in the world calls someone 'pretty boy' out of nowhere?

I open the door as I slowly walk in. I freeze in my tracks the moment I close his door.

Nikolai is half-naked, looking hot as hell. Striking hot and then, his nude comes flashing back and I begin to picture him naked. Great! Just great! If I had known, I would never have come in.

"Hello, pretty boy." He waves at me, his hair is wet and water drips down his body. God help me. I felt my hands itching to grab his long hair tight when he….. no..no, I'm not gay.

"I want to talk to you about something." I go straight to the point, I want to leave as soon as possible.

"Tell me, pretty boy." 

"When am I going to leave this house? You don't take me out. I'm supposed to be a sniper, you've turned me into furniture." I say hastily, looking away from him. If I look at him, I'll feel the urge to walk up to him and kiss his abs.

"When your services are needed, pretty boy." He draws out and I silently fume. That again, pretty boy? 

"I'll have to do something. I'm all healed up." I stare, but a smirk curves up the corner of his lips, a mischievous smirk.

"Speaking of services," he smiles and he begins to take slow steps towards me. I swallow deeply, taking a step back each time he comes near. We go on about that until my back rests on the wall and he stands right in front of me.

"There's something you can actually do for me." 

"What?" I swallow deep, the smell of cedarwood and aftershave feeling my nostrils. He's too close and I hate how my body is reacting, how my body tingles with anticipation and desire. I'll say it again, I'm not gay!

"My dick happens to be so hard." No, no. Nikolai! Have some shame. He casually says dick like it's some normal word.

"That's not my business." I stutter. I don't stutter. Fuck! I have to get out immediately.

"Oh yes, it is." He nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders.

"My dick got hard the moment you came in, it wants to fuck you." He throws at me and there's no ounce of shame in his voice or expression as he utters crude words.

"I'm. Not. Gay." I bite out angrily. 

"Really?" He raises a brow at me. He slowly lifts his hand and places it at the side of my face, slowly caressing my jawline with his fingertips.

"Let's play a game, pretty boy." He announces, smiling widely.

"I don't play games." 

"You don't have a choice. This is how it'll go. If I get you hard within a minute, you'll do whatever I say. If I don't, we'll forget this ever happened and I'll accept that you're not Bi." He promises, with a smile on his face that looks so charming. 

There's no fucking way I'll accept his deal.

"You'll have to do it. There's no way out of it." He says in a deadpan voice.

Fuck no! There's no way I'll agree!! Why? Because I feel my dick is semi-hard. Shit.