Chapter 7: Know your Place
[TW: Super edgy chapter, Sorry!]
Tak , Tak , Thud
The sound of two wooden swords clashing, a sound that resounded loudly off the desolate yard. A young boy with pale skin and black hair, the boy was covered in bruises both old and new, some were from training. A sword was now pointed towards the small boy's neck, and on the other end of the sword looking down at the boy was a man who looked exactly like him and yet nothing alike. A tall man with pale skin, long jet-black hair, and a broad muscular body that looked strong and sculpted. A man often described as "sinfully beautiful" with a sticky and intense aura. He was a man that lived a debauched lifestyle, and also a man gifted in everything he did. A genius and a tyrant, someone who even when "training" his only son, wouldn't go even a little bit easy on him despite his age or the fact that the boy was weak and sickly, and frail since birth. As he swept the boy off his feet, making the boy fall and landing with a loud thud in the dirt, his blank face stared down at the young boy with disappointment, resentment, and something else. ' That man ' was the man with whom I shared blood.
"At the time, I was no older than 7 years old. What could he have possibly seen that would cause such hatred towards his own 7 year old son? "
I watched a scene unfold in front of me, able to feel my emotions from the memories, I felt sad, afraid, embarrassed, and scared. Those were the pure emotions of my childhood self who only wanted to grow stronger, be smarter and better in hopes that it would make ' that man ' look at me with warmth instead of his usual cold malice. Though, my current emotions were more intense, and less pure. I feel anger and disgust, even with me being unable to see his face as it's shrouded over with a inky black shadow, even still just seeing his silhouette is enough to enrage me.
' I remember this.. it was ' That man's' way of "training" me, but why am I seeing this now? Is it because I decided to become a swordsman? '
I let out a dry chuckle, the intense fury of emotions swelling up inside of me left my mouth feeling dry and sticky. Having the emotions of both my younger self and my current self simultaneously felt strange. I felt conflicted and that only added to the distaste in my mouth, feeling an uncomfortable sensation throughout my body. I looked down at my hand and saw blood. I had been squeezing my hand so hard that it had started bleeding and my knuckles were white, but more than that, what I noticed was that my hands were shaking. Not just my hands, my entire body. Was this fear? Or perhaps.. rage?
I didn't know the answer, my emotions were mine and yet they felt completely foreign to me as if they were the emotions of others, being forced into me.
'It's disgusting. Infuriating.'
As I thought those words I squeezed my hands shut into fists and just as ' that man ' was about to land a brutal blow on the young boy things went black.
***
[Young Satoru POV]
Ever since I was born, my father has hated me. He had hated my mother since they met, saying that because of her, he couldn't live as he pleased and had to pretend to be a good husband in front of others.
When she got pregnant with me, he was forced to stay with her and was not allowed to go on anymore "business trips" or anything as he had become accustomed to doing.
This was to keep up appearances but in reality we knew what kind of man he was. One who disdained his wife and abused his family behind closed doors. I have always been sickly since birth and maybe that's part of the reason why he hates me.
He would often say "How dare you ever expect to be called my heir when you're nothing like me." Or "All you have are your looks, you're even more useless alive then you would be dead." Whenever I felt too sick to move he would get upset and take his anger out on my mother.
Mother cried a lot because of him. What's worse… is that for some reason she didn't give up on him. Always saying things like "He really wasn't like this before." Or "He's just going through a lot. He will go back to how he was before when things get better."
' You're wrong. ' I thought. My entire body shook with a hot feeling gripping my chest. It felt as though a huge ball of lead had been placed on me. It was suffocating.
' Mother is lying… mother knows the truth. '
Yet she insisted that things would get better.
' Maybe, because they were all I had, all I knew. My world, maybe that's why I craved their love and affection. Even though it hurts. Even though I'm scared. I will make father look at us. '
I started to get out of bed even if it hurt. At first, just moving was hard and I would get dizzy and tired. After a while I gained enough strength to walk on my own and asked father to teach me Kenjutsu. At first he laughed and ridiculed me but he eventually agreed saying that it would at the very least be entertaining. I didn't care, I was just happy that he agreed.
That day was the start of our downfall. Everyday after was full of disappointment. Father did nothing but beat me as an excuse saying that it was training. Eventually, I was able to do more than just take his beatings. After a while I could see the attacks or predict them. That didn't mean I could defend myself against them though. My health was still poor and my body wouldn't keep up.
Do you know how frustrating it is to see something and know what's coming but not be able to stop it?
' It's frustrating. I'm so weak. Useless. '
' I need to get stronger. '
' Faster. '
' More. '
I could now carry my sword and shield many of the attacks from father for a whole five minutes.
" Heh, it seems you're finally starting to try. I was getting bored. "
After he said those words I thought that I would feel happy but instead, my racing heart just hurt. The pain was so bad that I ended up passing out. I woke up with mother crying while holding me. Apparently I had been outside in the rain when she found me. I had a high fever for days and she thought I wouldn't make it. She wanted to take me to the hospital but father wouldn't let her. Instead, he sent a doctor to check me and he gave me medication to ease the pain and left.
'Mother has been alone for days taking care of me without rest again… im sorry. I'll hurry up and get stronger. Healthy… so that you won't cry anymore… and so that we can all be happy together. I'll get better. Forgive me… for being weak.'
***
The world has lost its colour. It's completely grey. Kneeling down in front of a small shrine, two picture frames. One belonged to ' That Man ' and the other belonged to the foolish woman who loved him despite everything.
In front of the frames, dressed in mourning attire, the sole survivour of a devastating fire that took the lives of both of his parents and his home. A boy with inky black short hair and black eyes like two voids. Dull and dark, a stark contrast to his pale skin. The only colour was the redness under his eyes, but that redness didn't come from crying. The boy did not cry. In fact, like ' That Man ' he bore no emotion on his face, it made the people around him talk and gossip.
"How can he not even cry?"
" Both of his parents died in a random fire and somehow he survived completely unharmed?"
" Stop talking nonsense, look at how frail he is, he looks like he won't last long anyways.."
"That's too bad, he's handsome but heartless and weak, I guess this is the fall of the Satoshi clan…"
Too tired, too tired to feel, too tired to care, or to cry. Satoru didn't pray, he had stopped praying. If a god existed then surely they wouldn't have let things end this way. Right?
' or maybe, if there is a god… they allowed this to happen.'
'Was it fun? Was my suffering entertaining?'
He didn't look like it but on the inside he was suffering. He was torn between unrestrained anger and denial. Grief hit him hard but not in the way he would expect. He didn't care about the deaths. He was sad, maybe. His parents were his everything. He had nothing else after all. Maybe that's why he felt so empty after they died.
'No…'
He felt empty before they died. Before this happened, he was slowly but surely starting to grow numb and tired. Obsessed and narrow-minded with the sole goal of chasing strength endlessly. However, no matter how strong he got, he was never satisfied. Never happy. The last thing he felt was anger. Something snapped.
That's why this happened.
' They're right. They won't say it but I know… they are right. '
Their deaths were his fault. He had seen his father who had returned home for the first time in over a month. Satoru had tuned out the bickering of his mother and father. Whenever he returned, mother and father would fight. He constantly cheated on her and she never left. She had stupidly held onto the hopes that he would change but once she started to come to her senses things became worse. Father left to fool around with countless other rich, and young women. Sometimes he would even bring them home. If mother complained they would fight.
That day though, father was drinking and the fight got violent and Satoru, who had been drawn to the noise that seemed more intense than usual, peeked inside.
Seeing his father's actions caused the boy to first feel and he froze. His body, while shaking violently began to move and he picked up a knife and just as he stabbed the man in his back, the sensation was enough to make him want to vomit, the warm feeling of blood trickling down his hands on the blade made him let go and the sound of his heart beating was all he could hear. He stood, hyperventilating and in shock.
He had stabbed his father, no. That man couldn't be called his father. He didn't deserve that title. He had stabbed 'That Man' but he didn't die immediately, he began to turn around, blood dripping from his mouth and wild eyes. Satoru instinctively knew 'He'll kill me.' It was obvious as that man stumbled and pulled the large knife from his back and Approached the boy.
His mother, who had briefly lost consciousness, had woken up and saw her husband approaching Satoru with the knife moved. He raised the knife and plunged it down. Satoru fell back, his legs had given out and he clenched his eyes shut thinking that this would be his end but the pain never came. He saw it very briefly.
The back of his mother, standing in front of him, her smaller frame shielded him from ' That Man' and blood dripping down. Satoru's vision went dark and he lost consciousness. What he saw was a being. Too beautiful to be called a human, he didn't know if it was a man or woman, he couldn't see them well. Their face was covered by a blindingly bright white light, all he could see was their outline, he felt their warmth as they hugged him and he saw their mouth as they mouthed words.
Unable to overcome the warmth and exhaustion, he fell into a deep sleep. For the first time, he didn't feel fear or anger or anything, he was at peace.
***
Seeing what ' That man ' had done, I began to understand. My family didn't just die that day. It wasn't a random unfortunate accident.
The fire that had devoured the house and bodies leaving nothing behind except for the boy was described as "The wrath of God" by many.
They said that the fire had avoided the boy completely, that's why people believed that either he was cursed, spared by God, or somehow caused the fire. Regardless, with no proof and no witnesses as the only one there was the boy who wouldn't speak, they eventually had to close the case and classified it as a natural disaster and held a funeral. Afterwards, a funeral was held and I lived as an orphan.
Since I was too old, among other reasons, I didn't have to worry about ever worrying about getting adopted by a bad family. Because no one wanted me. I lived my life getting ostracized and bullied until I became an adult. Eventually, I started working as a surgeon in a new place far from everyone who knew me. I was still ostracized, I didn't speak often and my expressions varied rarely. I also wasn't interested in relationships so after a while women stopped approaching me.
To my surprise, I got used to life in the hospital, helping and working together with others even if I only watched them from afar, it felt nice. Still, my world was grey and boring. That was probably why I became so obsessed with the mobile mmorpg game that I discovered by accident.
The world was beautiful and colourful. The interactions weren't always good but the protagonist was optimistic. Disgustingly, unrealistically optimistic and charming. They were strong, intelligent and healthy. Their world which was dark and lonely became full of life and friendships. Maybe I grew attached because it was the life I had wanted for so long but couldn't obtain.
I eventually met my junior, I didn't think much of him at first. He was pretty and sociable. It was annoying. There was never a quiet moment with him around. He was also really bad at his job and clumsy, but he was diligent and determined.
Soon, he became good at his craft and I knew teaching him was no longer necessary. I expected to not have anything to do with him after, he would just be a junior I taught, a fellow worker, but time and time again he went out of his way to approach me.
Talking to me even when I ignored him, buying me lunch or "accidentally making extra", following me around the office, and so on. It got to the point that weird rumours spread that it was some kind of " Puppy Love " but that was the furthest from the truth.
He was my first friend, and my last. The only one in my 38 years of life that stayed with me and didn't look down at, fear, or pity me and in the end, He was the only one who cried for me.
"Tsk. That fool. Getting involved with me… who told you to huh?"
I watched as he attended my funeral, co-workers came and left offerings of prayers and flowers, then they left. He stayed, at first he bawled his eyes out, it was really gross to see… but soon he just sat there, in front of a picture of me, it was the only one I had, the picture that got taken of me when I was 13, at my family's funeral.
Ironic.
He didn't move and only stared at the picture quietly with his puffy red eyes and blank expression. The sight was upsetting.
' Why should I feel bad… I didn't tell him to get close to me… I didn't tell him to mourn for me either. '
I thought those words but the pain in my heart only poked at me harder. Instinctively, I moved my hand and rested it on his shoulder. I then sighed and closed my eyes.
' I guess this is really goodbye then. '
I felt my consciousness waver and finally, the dream was over. When I opened my eyes it was a new day, the sun was beginning to rise.
" This time.. will be different. "
I smiled bitterly and got up.
AN: Hey guys! It's me again, breaking the 4th wall because I can >:3 I just really wanted to say thank you to those of you who support me. When I started uploading my writing I honestly truly didn't think that anyone would read my work. That's why I originally stressed that if even one person read it and enjoyed it that I would be happy. Seeing so many people rating and even adding my novel to their list makes me so happy. I seriously can't put it into words. I made a server(I made like 4 actually but those are kinda like test servers at this point.) on discord for you guys. You don't have to join, but if you want to join you should definitely check it out. Originally it was supposed to be a server only for those who wanted to help me write and get out my novels and while that part of the server is still visible throughout, it's now more of a community server. You can talk about games and anime and other novels and stuff there. It's a place I hope will become a community full of fun and chill people. If you like Vtubers, there's a place for you there too and if you don't know about/like that stuff then that's fine too so long as everyone is polite and respectful, they are welcome. Only downside (if you see it that way) is that the server is 18+ only. I plan to make a server for everyone 13 and up but that won't be done for a while. Anyways, I've yapped enough. I hope that you can enjoy my writing, I really am trying my best and I want to get better as I continue writing. Sorry for the really edgy chapter, I probably won't do it again….maybe. I also don't think I will upload any chapters for a while. The earliest may be on this Thursday. I need time to think, since I've caught up to the old scripts I had and now I have to start from where they left off. Anyways(pt.2) Feel free to join the discord and hang out. It's currently really dead rn because only people in it are acquaintances and friends of those acquaintances… but I hope one day it will be full of life and like-minded enjoyers of just overall chill vibes and good stories.
Here's the link: https://discord.gg/Nzt7YcuuxD , feel free to join and I'll do my best to be as active as I can manage, both online and in my writing. Byeee!