Exposure Therapy

 BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP!

 Elise leaned against the bathroom stall; her hand clasped over her heart as her breaths came out ragged.

 'Calm down, calm down. Just breathe….' She told herself as a hard lump began to form in her throat.

 Her chest was tightening and sweat began to drip down the sides of her face as she took off her gray blazer and hung it on the hook of the stall.

 "Ha-ah-" Her body was trembling so hard, it was near impossible to get a steady breath.

 'How embarrassing… just be normal Elise, just be normal!' She told herself as she leaned down and began dry heaving into the toilet.

 Such a reaction for something so small, something so stupid, so normal – a man speaking to her.

 Jude Marx, the head VP at the digital design firm she worked at, had approached her and requested she complete the simple task of photocopying a client file.

 'It's a simple enough task…..I can do it….but….UGH! Why does he have to ask me of all people! I don't handle administrative work, I'm just a designer! What unfortunate luck I have!'

 Elise stood and rested her head against the wall, pounding it lightly with her fist as she took a few more deep breaths.

 It had always been like this for her, any man she ever came into contact with sent her body into complete overdrive and caused her to shut down.

 After about 20 minutes, she exited the stall and washed her hands. She patted her face with the cool water and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

 Her long pink hair was tied up in a professional bun, her big emerald eyes were framed by long, luscious lashes and her lips were perfectly plump.

 She was every definition of perfection in both her looks, and academics, except for this wretched curse that had befallen her somewhere along the way.

 Once she had taken a few more minutes to herself, she went about her workday, making copies for Jude and leaving them with his female secretary.

 As she sat at her desk, she noticed Jude walking in the hallway. His thick, black, curly hair and his deep brown eyes set on that chiseled face made him look like an ancient God.

 Elise quickly averted her gaze and returned her focus to her computer screen. Even just looking at him from afar was causing her brain to begin to fry.

 She let out a huff and scratched the top of her head.

 'I CAN'T let this continue. I HAVE to do something about this.'

 ________________________________________________________________________

 Elise fidgeted with the corner of the copper tassel pillow as she shifted uncomfortably on the white couch.

 The woman in front of her pushed her glasses up higher on her face and wrote a few things down on her clipboard.

 "Miss Willwood, how long have you been having this problem with men?" She inquired, glancing up to look at Elise.

 Elise's mouth twitched left and right as she thought.

 "I don't know when exactly it started. It's been like this ever since I could remember. My parents always assumed I'd grow out of it, but here I am, 25 years old and still struggling. That's why I've decided to come to therapy…."

 The therapist nodded and jotted down some more notes.

 "And is it with every male, or only a select few?"

 "Ummm…. It's everyone outside of my family. I'm fine with my family members."

 "Okay, well that's good. It seems your family is a place of safety and comfort for you."

 Elise nodded to confirm.

 She'd never really thought about it before, but now that the therapist had brought it up, she was able to interact just fine with her male family members.

 "What usually happens when you are faced with a member of the opposite sex that is outside of your family?"

 "My heart starts pumping really hard, like as if I'm about to get a heart attack. My body gets super hot and I start to sweat and it feels like my brain is being fried. I start getting nauseated and dry heave. It's difficult to breathe and I will sometimes get dizzy but not all the time."

 "And you've never had any sort of relationship? No boyfriend or romantic partner? Ever?"

 Elise nodded again, "Never."

 "I see…." The therapist said, writing more notes.

 "Umm…do you think I'll ever be normal? I'd like to….get married one day. Have a boyfriend, hold hands. Those kinds of things." Elise pursed her lips. She was sure she sounded so stupid, probably like some lovesick teenager.

 The therapist took her glasses off and clasped her hands over her clipboard as she stared Elise in the eyes.

 "I think you can. It's not going to happen after one or two sessions and it's going to take a lot of work. Our first step would be to try and find out why this is happening and work from there. Exposure therapy would probably be helpful for you, so I'd like to explore that in the next couple of sessions."

 Elise felt her body tense immediately at the words 'exposure therapy', the lump in her throat already forming.

 "Y-You mean like…..with men…..like…..on purpose?"

 The therapist nodded and put her hands up to indicate for Elise to calm down.

 "Yes, but don't worry. I'm not going to throw you into that. I'd like to see you next week and in the meantime I'll work on a treatment plan. We'll work on coping mechanisms and find some tools for you to use before we get to exposure therapy. One step at a time."

 Elise let out a long, deep, exhale. Even though the therapist was being reassuring, just the sole idea of purposefully putting herself into that situation was causing her distress.

 "And if none of those things work?"

 "One step at a time. Let's not think about this or that. For now, just think about how I will see you next week and we'll go over the treatment plan."