Does He Love's You

Chapter 18

Tina's POV

The summer heat filled my apartment as I rifled through my closet, excited to embrace the season with beach days, pool parties, and endless, sunlit afternoons. My phone buzzed, snapping me out of my reverie, and I saw Shawn's name on the screen. I picked up, and before I could say a word, he launched into a familiar complaint.

"Don't you miss us anymore? It's been ages since we talked!"

I laughed, the guilt barely hidden in my voice. "I know, Shawn. It's the time difference and finals nearly killed me this semester. But I'm on break now! I've survived my first year, and I'm all yours. Call me anytime," I reassured him. "But wait... it must be midnight over there. Why are you still awake?"

"Stuck on night duty," he sighed. "I'm the only intern in my ward tonight. It's so boring I thought I'd catch up with you."

"Poor baby," I teased. "Guess that makes me your midnight distraction?"

"Right," he chuckled. "But you love it. So, tell me are you seeing anyone?"

The unexpected question caught me off guard. "Um... actually, I am. His name is Joe; he's a fellow student, the same year as me but twenty-one."

Shawn's reaction was immediate, his tone brightening. "Wait-seriously? And you're telling me now?"

"Well, it only became official around New Year's when he... proposed." I bit my lip, smiling at the memory.

"So, tell me more! What's he like?"

I felt a warm blush spread as I thought about Joe. "He's tall, handsome, with this magnetic charm. And... he's incredibly caring."

A brief silence lingered before Shawn, always perceptive, asked, "Does he love you?"

His question left me with a twinge of doubt, a knot forming in my chest. "He says he likes me. He's kind and makes me feel special," I replied, trying to reassure myself as much as him.

"Like and love are different, Tina. You should figure it out before you get too deep."

"Yeah, you're probably right," I murmured, a bit lost in thought.

Shawn switched gears, his voice full of excitement. "Anyway, guess what? We're planning to visit you this Christmas. Maybe even stay for New Year's!"

"No way! Really?" I exclaimed, thrilled. "I can't wait to see you guys. It's been way too long."

Our conversation ended with promises and laughs, and as I hung up, Shawn's words echoed in my mind. Did Joe love me? I was falling for him, but did he feel the same?

I texted my girls, suggesting a night out to shake off these thoughts. Within minutes, Trisha and Veronica agreed, and we set a plan to meet at Trix Bar.

The clock read six as I stepped out of a long, refreshing shower. Wrapped in a towel, I rummaged through my drawers when a knock on the door startled me. "Who is it?"

"It's me," came Joe's familiar voice.

Heart racing, I hurriedly threw on a loose t-shirt and shorts before answering. When I opened the door, Joe's gaze lingered, and he smiled. "You smell good," he murmured.

"Must be my shampoo," I said, realizing my damp shirt was clinging to me. I noticed my nipples exposed through the wet T-shirt. I felt his gaze flicker, his cheeks slightly flushed, but he looked away quickly.

I brushed past the awkwardness, retrieving a towel to wrap around my still-wet hair. "What brings you here?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"I tried calling, but I figured you were busy." He reached out, gently taking my hand, and my heart fluttered. "I wanted to surprise you with dinner tonight."

My face fell as I remembered my plans. "Oh, Joe, I'm so sorry. I promised Trisha and Veronica we'd go out. It's been forever since we all hung out."

He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Hey, don't worry. You don't have to apologize for making time with your friends. Go, have fun."

I couldn't help but feel guilty, and before I knew it, I leaned closer, pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss, trying to convey how much I appreciated his understanding. But Joe's hand found my waist, pulling me closer, his touch igniting something deeper.

As our lips moved together, his kiss grew more intense, his hands caressing my back and slipping under my shirt. My breathing quickened as his fingers grazed my skin, and I felt a thrilling course through me. Our bodies pressed together, and I could feel his heartbeat pounding just as fast as mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, wanting to drown in this moment.

He pulled me closer, one hand slipping to my waist and the other cupping my face as his lips claimed mine fully, hungrily. Every brush of his mouth sent shivers down my spine, making my head spin with desire. His hand traced the curve of my back, sending jolts of warmth and need. I gasped softly, feeling his hand drift lower, gently squeezing my hip, and I pressed myself against him, feeling his body harden under my touch.

I opened my mouth allowing him to take my lips fully into his . He deepened the kiss and I moved closer. I felt my nipples hardened and I was getting wet down there. I moaned and took his lower lip wanting more of him. I can feel that he was hard in his pants. He slipped his hand and exploded my back with his warm palm and slowly put another hand inside and grabbed my breast softly. I ached in pain with pleasure. I can feel my panty fully wet. He again slid his tongue inside and took mine fully. I mourned with pleasure.

The world melted away, replaced by this moment, by Joe's arms around me and his lips moving against mine with an intensity that left me breathless. But before I can lose my control and surrender myself to him. Suddenly, Shawn's words echoed in my mind: Does he love you?

I pulled back slightly, our faces still close, breaths mingling as we tried to steady ourselves. "I... I should get ready," I whispered, the doubt gnawing at me.

Joe looked at me, concerned flickering in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, giving him a soft smile. "Just... girl stuff, you know. Emotions," I chuckled awkwardly.

He kissed my forehead. "Alright, but let me help dry your hair. And then I'll drop you off with your friends."

As we moved to my room, his fingers entwined with mine, the thrill of our kiss lingering on my lips, a reminder of the passion between us. But as we dried my hair and laughed together, I realized I needed to figure out where we stood. To understand if he truly loved me as much as I was beginning to love him.

Joes POV

Remembering the moment back at her apartment sent a wave of heat through me. I could still feel the softness of her lips on mine and the heat of her body pressing against me. The scent of her shampoo lingered in my nose, a delicate reminder of her presence. Her skin, smooth as silk, had me aching with desire. I had to pull myself back from the edge, though. I was determined not to rush things, not yet. I wanted to confess my feelings for her first. No distractions. But damn, the temptation was overwhelming.

The realization that I hadn't told Tina how I felt was slowly eating away at me. Every time I thought about her, my heart would race, and I'd get this knot in my stomach. I had planned the perfect dinner tonight. Candles, champagne, the whole works but fate, or more like her schedule, had other plans. She'd made plans with her friends, and I was left with nothing but my own frustrated thoughts. A perfect evening gone to waste.

I needed a distraction. Fast.

That's when it hit me. Tamara. I haven't really spent any time with her lately, and maybe this could be a good opportunity to catch up and clear my head. I quickly dialed her number.

"Hey, handsome, what's up?" Tamara's voice rang in my ear. It always sounded playful, but tonight, I could tell she was in one of her moods.

"Hey, are you free? Wanna grab dinner somewhere nice?" I asked, trying to sound casual, though I was barely holding it together inside.

"Yeah, sure. I was kind of bored anyway," she replied with a chuckle. "Okay, ten minutes will be there?" I suggested, already slipping on my jacket.

I hung up, staring at the building where I had dropped Tina off just a few minutes ago. For a moment, I entertained the thought of going back up there, grabbing her by the hand, and dragging her back to my car and making love at the back seat. What would it be like to just kiss her, pull her closer. Feel her in my arms? I shook the thought away, realizing how foolish it was. And then, like a reflex, I reached for the air freshener and sprayed it all over the car. No need to let Tamara smell Tina's perfume on me. I didn't want to make this any more awkward than it had to be.

When I picked Tamara up, she looked stunning. Too stunning, actually. She was dressed in a maroon shirt dress, her makeup done just right. It was a little... off, considering we usually kept it low-key. I greeted her with a warm smile, doing my best to act natural as I opened the car door for her, a little gesture I'd learned from my dad. He'd always opened the door for my mom, and something about it just felt right.

As she slid into the seat, I couldn't help but notice how quiet she was. Tamara was never this quiet. Something was definitely up.

"Everything okay?" I asked, glancing at her. She was fiddling with her phone, not meeting my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she replied a little too quickly. Her voice was shaky, like she was trying to convince herself more than me.

I sighed, trying to keep the conversation going, but it was like pulling teeth. Tamara was usually the one leading the charge with jokes and stories, but tonight, she was distant. Lost in her own thoughts. I glanced over at her a few times, but my mind kept wandering back to Tina. I couldn't help it. Every time I thought about Tamara, Tina's face would pop up. Her smile. Her laugh. I had to push the thoughts away, focus on Tamara.

We arrived at the restaurant, a place I had originally booked for Tina and me, and the hostess greeted us warmly. I had already canceled the candles and champagne. Tamara didn't need any romantic nonsense tonight. We usually kept it simple. Pizza, burgers, maybe a burger joint by the lake. This was overkill for a casual dinner with a friend.

"Anything you want to talk about?" I tried again, desperate to break the silence.

Tamara startled, her eyes wide. "What do you mean?" she laughed nervously.

"You're acting a little differently tonight. Not the usual Tamara I know who can't stop talking." I tried to lighten the mood with a smile, but she didn't seem to appreciate it.

She just shrugged. "I'm fine."

The waiter arrived, and we placed our orders in silence. I noticed her looking at me with that same unreadable expression. I could tell something was bothering her. The minutes dragged on, and the tension was killing me.

"Come on, Tamara. You're really starting to drive me crazy here. What's going on in that head of yours?" I blurted out, unable to hold back any longer.

Her fork paused halfway to her mouth, and she blinked at me. There was a long, heavy silence, and then she placed her cutlery down gently.

"I've been meaning to tell you something for a while now, but I didn't know how," she started, her voice barely above a whisper.

I leaned forward, all attention on her now, the words hanging in the air like a heavy weight.

"I think... no, I know I'm in love with you," she said, and I froze. My heart did a weird flip in my chest.

What the hell? This was the last thing I expected to hear. Tamara? In love with me? My best friend, who I've known since we were kids? The words didn't make sense.

She took a deep breath before continuing, her eyes now avoiding mine. "I've felt this way for a long time, but I was too scared to say anything. I thought it was just a teenage thing, a crush. But it wasn't. After we danced together on your birthday, and the way took care of us when mom was sick. I knew. We're meant to be together, Joe."

I didn't know what to say. I was paralyzed, caught in the middle of a storm of emotions. Tamara was my friend. I cared about her, but not like that. Not like she wanted me to.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" I managed to ask, my voice shaking slightly.

Tamara smiled sadly. "I tried, remember? That one night we got drunk, and I said we should get married, and you laughed it off. I wasn't joking, Joe. But I figured if I waited, if I gave you space, you'd eventually see it too."

The silence stretched between us, and I felt a heavy lump in my throat. I wanted to tell her the truth. I couldn't let her fall deeper into this, especially with everything I was feeling about Tina.

"Tamara, I care about you. I do. But I'm in love with someone else," I said, my heart breaking a little as I watched her face fall.

She pulled her hand away from mine, a small, forced smile tugging at her lips. "It's okay," she said softly. "At least I told you how I feel. That's enough for me."

I felt like the worst person in the world as we finished our meal in silence. I had wanted this dinner to distract me, but now, all I could think about was how I had just hurt one of my closest friends.

Tamara was still smiling, but I could see the pain in her eyes, and it made my heart ache. I couldn't stop thinking about Tina. No matter how hard I tried, her face would always be the one I wanted to see.

What the hell was I going to do?

Tamara's POV

I hurled my purse across the room, the thud against the wall a hollow, echoing punctuation to the emptiness I felt. I watched as it slid down to the floor, crumpled, just like I was. In a quick, desperate motion, I flung open my wardrobe, shoving aside forgotten clothes until my fingers met the icy neck of the vodka bottle hidden at the back. My secret stash. My rebellion. My only escape on nights like these.

Mom would flip if she knew, but she didn't have to. Tonight, I needed something to dull the ache. Something that burned more than this endless, hollow yearning. I took a long, savage gulp, grimacing as the liquid scorched down my throat, searing my insides. It hurt. But somehow, that sting was better than the ache he'd left behind.

Bottle in hand, I staggered over to the window, staring out at the Carlton house next door. A light shone from Joe's room. He was still awake. Of course, he was. Probably laughing, talking to that girl he couldn't stop looking at. My lips twisted as I spat out the word, "Girlfriend." It felt acidic, wrong, like something crawling over my skin, festering.

"So, that's it, huh?" I muttered, my voice thick with disgust. "Just going to forget me, pretend I don't even exist?"

My hands clenched around the bottle as my mind raced. I could still see them, Joe and her. Dancing, laughing, her face so close to his at his birthday. My stomach knotted, a toxic mix of jealousy and betrayal. Jia would have told me if he had a girlfriend. She knew everything about Joe. Unless... unless she was keeping it from me too. That thought stung worse, a fresh cut over an old wound.

I grabbed my phone, dialing Jia's number, praying she'd pick up. Each ring echoed in the silence, an endless, taunting reminder of how little I really mattered. Finally, the voicemail clicked on, and I hung up, throwing my phone onto the bed with a growl. "They're all the same," I hissed. "No one cares. Not really."

I lifted the bottle, taking another long pull. The burn was nothing now. Just a dull, familiar numbness settling over me. My eyes landed on my reflection in the window, a sad, twisted image of someone who'd tried so damn hard tonight, only to be dismissed. The dress I'd saved, my hair, my makeup. Everything was supposed to be perfect, like a scene from one of those romantic movies I always laughed at but secretly wished were real. I'd thought... I don't know what I thought. Maybe that he'd see me, finally. Really see me. But he never did.

"God, I'm such an idiot," I whispered, choking on the words. I yanked down the zipper of my dress, the fabric pooling around my feet, as worthless as I felt. The dress I'd bought just for him. The dress I'd thought he'd remember. But why would he? I was just... Tamara, the girl who was always there to pick up the pieces but never mattered enough to be noticed.

As I washed the makeup from my face, each swipe felt like erasing another piece of myself, scrubbing away the silly girl who still believed in something more. He doesn't care. He doesn't even notice you. You're nothing to him. Just a friend. Just someone convenient.

I glanced at the mirror, my eyes red, my cheeks flushed. I looked pathetic. Desperate. "Get over it, Tamara. You don't need him. You're stronger than this." But my own voice sounded hollow, and even I couldn't buy it. The truth was that I'd spent years standing by his side, waiting, hoping that one day he'd wake up and realize I was the one who'd been there all along. That I wasn't just a friend. But tonight had shattered that illusion.

Another swig, and my head felt heavier, the room spinning slightly. "Is this really it?" I whispered to the empty room. "Am I just some backup for when he has no one else?"

I crawled into bed, my body trembling as the anger simmered, a slow burn beneath the fog of vodka. Tomorrow, I'd be fine. I'd put on a brave face and pretend this night never happened. But deep down, I knew I was done pretending. I was tired of being the shadow, the one he called when no one else was around. The one who kept his secrets but was never given a place in his life. I deserved better than that. I had to believe I did.

The anger tightened in my chest, mingling with a deep, raw sadness. I'm going to show him, I vowed, my fingers digging into the soft fabric of my pillow. He can't just walk all over me. He can't just leave me hanging like this, and then expect me to be there whenever he decides to turn around.

I applied my night cream mechanically, my hands shaking, my mind replaying every look, every laugh, every casual touch he'd given her. Who was she to have that part of him? To have what I'd waited for, hoped for, dreamed of? I'll make him see, I promised myself. One day, he'll regret this. He'll see exactly what he threw away.

But for now, as the darkness pressed in, the vodka numbing some of the pain, all I could do was lie there, trapped between anger and despair. A tear slid down my cheek, then another, until they fell faster than I could stop them, soaking my pillow as I sobbed silently, the frustration, the loneliness crashing over me.

Tomorrow, I'd be someone new. I'd be the strong, untouchable Tamara I pretended to be. But tonight, I let myself break, hoping that somewhere in the pieces, I'd find the strength to forget him.

_________________________________

"Sometimes, the heart falls for someone without knowing if it's truly loved in return, caught between hope and doubt."