Is it home?

It has been a very terrible time for me since last night. The shame, the pain, and the ridicule were haunting me. 

I had been awake all through the night, weeping at the very moment that I reconsidered my condition. I was carrying the child of a faceless man—someone I didn't know. 

 "My mistress? Ava, I... I do not like this. You have been awake for tons of hours, and it breaks my heart to witness," Maria said to me. I had been sitting by the windowsill when Maria spoke up, breaking the penetrable silence. She was already packing my luggage. Someday or later, I will be thrown out. I am certain of it. 

 "What do I need sleep for? It has never been good for me. I am drowning in such a deep hole of misery and when morning comes, I am still not free," I calmly said. She put down the last outfit into the box and walked up to me. 

 "Ava Rosette, this is not the end. I must say, you were very confident and unbendable facing him, but thankfully, it turned out okay. We shall leave to return home and start anew," she said. "Come, get dressed for lunch—"

I scoffed lightly. 

 "No, Maria, I am getting dressed to leave. I will not wear bloody green, I will be blue instead," I snapped. "My life, my standards, my color…" I stated. She grinned at me, and we shared a hug. 

After I had been dressed, Maria ordered a maid to take my box out of the estate. Lady Beeborn and Sir Thompson and his other wives were having lunch in such deadly silence. Such a lifestyle was not cut out for me, I kept telling myself. 

 "I shall leave, I will not grant you the honor of throwing me out." I began, knowing fully that their attention would be drawn to me with fury. 

 "Such madness! After all that this family has done for you, yet you speak like a lost animal," said Lady Beeborn. 

 "And the deceit that went on for weeks," Sir Thompson added as he hit the table. His wives were terrified.

I stood still; I wasn't moved. Even the shame I felt had crippled my feelings already. 

 "And no one is speaking of the part where you, Sir Thompson, hit a woman…" I pointed out firmly and they all remained silent. 

His wives shared knowing glances at each other.

 "I have known your family for good prestige, but you lack everything." he gave a tight smile as he relaxed his back against the chair. "Your tongue is sharp and venomous, so what will a man like me do with a devil?" he yelled out at me. "Our marriage is dead," he added firmly. 

 "Great," I said with a proud smile and continued. "We have never been… married, Thompson, it was never a thing to regard as one. I can never remain married to a man three times my age," I said.

 "You will regret this because you have yet to hear the lady from us," Lady Beeborn said. 

 "Well. At least, I am happy. I leave this estate as a Victor. I did not grant you the privilege of exploring my high garden," I mocked them. 

 "That is because you are with a child," he interjected mockingly, and took a sip of his wine. "I will not have the blood of a bastard on my head." Sir Thompson's words struck me. 

 "Even without a child, you would not have had one with one. I am not one to worship a man as vile as you. An abuser, as honorless as you," I stated. 

 "Tyrion? Get me a quill and paper," he ordered as Tyrion left. "I should make this… clear between our families. I will have nothing to do with Mr. Philips or Lisa, his wife," he said, and I remained silent. 

Tyrion returned with the items as Sir Thompson began to draft out words on the paper. 

As soon as he was done, a nearby servant took it and gave it to Maria. 

 "I have known that your ending is dreadful, luck runs from you." Lady Beeborn mocked again. It must be a victory for her, as I lightly scoffed. "Your honor was lost to a hooligan residing in the various taverns that you visited," she added. 

 "I know, certainly, that you envy my personality so much. While you were raised to be a servant to the man before and beside you, I did what neither of you could do. Stand up to the man who treats you like garbage. I may be twenty-six and worn out, yet, I have never been caged by such a monster. My freedom is earned and well-deserved. It is not a favor or a plague. Understand that," I said to her, and that was the last time that she spoke to me. 

 "Let your father know that he owes me a fortune–"

 "Enough." I snapped at him. I took out a coin and tossed it at the man as he deftly caught it. "That settled it. For the time awfully spent here, I do not wish to hear you close to my family or anyone related to them," I instructed as I left with Maria. 

As soon as we were outside the mansion, without carriages. 

 "I smell freedom, Maria, I'm free of every marital burden…" I smiled widely. 

 "Indeed, my mistress, indeed," she said, smiling too. "I have a friend down the road. I made an acquaintance in the few weeks that we've been here. He owns a fruit store. We can get a horse or carriage that we could use. Besides you're rich," her last words were teased, and I laughed, she said. 

…

My home was just a handful of minutes away from Sir Thompson's. I heaved deeply when we stepped out of the carriage. It was nothing fancy, really. I summoned the courage to face my parents, another dilemma. 

 "We should go in, my mistress," Maria said to me when she was drawn a bit closer to the way I was skeptical. 

When the steward opened the door, he was a little surprised. He instantly moved away from the entrance. 

 "Mrs. Thompson—"

 "Miss Ava is fine." I forced a smile and walked into the house. 

The familiar smell of pastries lingered in my nostrils. 

 "Maria, please take my luggage to my room, that is if it still belongs to me," I said with a small smile while she grinned. Her smile only showed that the room would always be mine. 

I walked a bit further, and I sat in the room where we received visitors. I was told that my parents had gone out to see a friend. I sat, sipping the ginger tea that was just prepared for me. 

I have been thinking about everything, my mind was out of line and spiraling as well when I heard the footsteps and chatter of my parents asking about my sudden arrival. 

They walked into the large, ventilated room and our eyes met. I rose immediately and gently bent. 

 "Ava? You are… here today. What is surprise all about?" Mother asked with a skeptical gaze.

 "You seem… depressed, did he hurt you now?" Father scrutinized my body while I stared at him deeply. I wondered if he truly cared or not. 

 "I am… hurt. Pained. Angry and… lost. You sold me off to that despicable man. Did you badly want to do away with me for being worn out?" I asked, as the corners of my eyes crammed with tears.

 "Oh my, where did you get that illusion from?" Mother asked as she attempted to move closer to me, but I stopped her. 

 "Not a pace closer, Mother, it is all clearer now…" I split my gaze between them. "You sold me to a man who would rather make me kneel for him, hit me if he didn't get intimate. I'm told how to dress, the colors of dresses to wear, what to eat, where to be, ask no questions… I mean, I cannot understand what exactly my offense is for being 6 and 20. I didn't age myself, it just happened. I am not… Mia or Elise or Daphne who found love—good for them, but I am just Ava Rosette. I haven't felt love before… at least, I did before." my voice dropped, while they stared at me with guilt. 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. 

 "But Ava, we aren't saying that you are… worn-out, we were trying to fill your youth before it fades. A woman's life fades—"

A weak smile escaped my lips, interrupting my mother. 

 "Such, is what you were meant to believe. Born and raised to marry, only to marry and procreate. I have dreams. I wish to find myself. I wish to be better than someone's third wife. I wish to be a priority, mother, sorry I can't be your sweet, sweet daughter, but I am not offended, and I will never be," I said again. Spilling my mind was the best. 

They looked confused. Did they understand my point at all? I asked myself. 

 "I understand your pain, but Sir Thompson would ruin our lives. What have you done, Ava? He couldn't have thrown you out like a lost cause, could he?" Father, as if not choosing to consider me, asked. 

I could not believe it. "Is it all that matters to you? His disappointment? Sir Thompson's pain? What about me?" I asked. 

 "Not at all, but I should ask," he said and scratched his short beard. 

 "I wasn't thrown out if you were worried about your honor, your name, and your prestige. I have settled it. I paid him in full and do not worry, he's written a note to prove this," I stated. I couldn't even tell them about my child. Would they even care?

 "Ava," they both called in unison. 

 "Well." I braved up instantly. "I am with a child now. I know I am such a disgrace and an embarrassment, but do not worry, I will be gone in a week. You will not have to deal with it... My mess, of course," I stated, and they were left in shock.

Although my mind was still bitter about the golden-haired man who was responsible, I continually felt his presence hovering around me like a shadow. 

It has been like that ever since I found out that I was carrying his child. 

Could it be gold coins or the pocket watch that reflected his face? Which?

All I have to do is resort to the way forward for me and my child. 

I turned to leave as my father asked. 

 "Who is the father of your child?"