Chapter 3

Boruto pov:

I woke up rather early... I had a dream last night about Kawaki coming to my room to check up on me.

I looked at the nightstand and my face grimanced. It's empty.

Yeah definitely a dream.

I got ready for the day. Though there isn't much to do.

I mean... I'm apparently 'vulnerable' at the moment... whatever that means.

So dad and Sasuke decided it would be best if I withdraw from my ninja duties until we figure out a solution for the problem at hand.

Big brother Konohamaru joined Team 7 as my replacement for the time being...until my return...if I return that is.

I hit my head. I've been getting negative thoughts lately... about anything and everything.

I sighed and went downstairs... only to see mom cooking breakfast and my nemesis of a 'big brother' glaring at me.

What's up with him anyway? Did I piss him off?

I decided ignoring him would be the best idea so I turned to my mom.

"Where's Himawari?" I asked.

"She left early saying she has something to do at the academy." Mom replied before going back to cooking.

I raised an eyebrow. I know I'm paranoid and overreact to everything around me lately... but mom not giving me enough attention is stirring up something bad inside me.

"A-and dad?" Holy crap...my voice is cracking.

And why the hell is my throat tightening and... what's that weird stinging sensation in my eyes?

Those two seemed to notice my voice crack, it seems.

Kawaki raised an eyebrow and mom turned around with concern clearly evident in her eyes.

I suddenly felt like I want to run away and lock myself in my room. However, I stayed put, knowing if I give in to the temptation, things will get real ugly.

I feel that in my gut and I ain't gonna ignore it.

So I put on a strained smile closing my eyes.

"Dad went to the office." Kawaki answered. "And before you go, why didn't you eat the food I bought you last night? When I came today morning to collect the dishes, it was left untouched."

Kawaki crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for my answer.

Me on the other hand, was sweating bullets. Momoshiki's main target is Kawaki and he just walked in while I was out cold despite the danger?

"Y-you did what?" This time, my voice crack wasn't because of the tightness in my throat, rather it was because I was scared of what would have happened.

"I bought you food last night but you didn't-" I cut him off.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND KAWAKI?" I yelled at the top volume.

I instantly covered my mouth.

Why am I yelling at him? Why am I so angry? He was just caring about me and look at how I returned the thanks.

I grit my teeth as self hatred started to consume me.

"Boruto..." Mom called.

She looked concerned at my unexpected outburst.

I looked at Kawaki. I expected him to be angry but he only sofnened his expression.

And that didn't help my situation. Dammit... Just scold me and slap me across my face Kawaki!

"Boruto... are you feeling okay?" He is standing infront of me now with a soft smile.

"I'm sorry. Just don't come near me when I'm sleeping or unconscious. I don't want to repeat what happened last time. You are Momoshiki's new target and I don't want you getting hurt." I whispered.

"It's okay... I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Last time I was exhausted after the fight with Isshiki and-"

I cut him off again.

"Dammit... You literally set yourself on fire, Kawaki. Is that your definition of taking care of yourself!?"

"It won't happen again."

I just clicked my tongue in annoyance and went back to my room, leaving them to do whatever they were doing.

"Oh...Uncle Neji and his wife are visiting us today."

I heard mom yell as I closed the door.

Timeskip to the afternoon, no one's pov:

Boruto didn't eat breakfast as usual. He stayed in his room all morning, reflecting on his actions and possible reasons for his mood swings.

All while avoiding the temptation of using his kunai on his skin.

And lightly freaking out why such thoughts are coming to him.

The reason however was pretty obvious to him. The urges become strong when he thought about what happened with Kawaki this morning, how he almost killed him, how he destroyed Sasuke's Rinnegan eye, how he screwed up in the Chunin exams and embarrass his dad...

And most importantly, how he became a threat to his village and the world.

He just wanted to punish himself to relieve the guilt he is feeling.

Suddenly the door bell rang, causing Boruto flinch when the unexpected anxiety hit him.

Why is he anxious again?

He didn't understand right away... but deep inside his head Momoshiki frowned.

Boruto is anxious to meet people because he is afraid of hurting them. Even when he is conscious.

In his concious mind, he's only worried when he faints.

But his subconscious mind, he is worried all the time, that even the slightest sign of people approaching sends him to anxiety mode without him knowing.

As long as his sub conscious mind won't heal, he can't heal his concious mind.

Neji's and Tenten's voice broke Boruto's train of thoughts.

He jumped out of his body when he heard his mom calling him down to greet the guests.

He exhaled deeply before walking towards the door. He really hoped he wouldn't cause a scene like this morning.

He stopped in front of the door and turned around as his eyes landed on the kunai on his table.

He learned in the Academy that Anbu Black Ops usually hurt themselves to not fall asleep on their missions and to keep their emotions in check and think clearly.

The pain brings one back to reality after all. It's a precious sense to let you know that you exist as a person in the world and not as a supernatural entity.

Just one cut won't be bad, right?

"Boruto..." His mom called again.

"I'll be down in five minutes mom." He yelled back as he turned around and walked towards the table.

He took the sharp kunai and walked towards the bathroom.

Just one cut. So that the pain can ground him to reality.

An unknown relief started to overpower the guilt he's feeling as entered the bathroom with the kunai, ready to slit his flesh.

I'm not doing anything wrong. This is for my own good.

He repeated in his mind as he brought the kunai to his inner arm.

The blade cut deeply through the pale skin as blood poured out of the wound to the bathroom floor.

To be continued...