showerhead

So yeah. Rose Cookies.

This isn’t your usual power fantasy or deep character study. It’s just… something that came out of my brain—and maybe yours too.

Keanu, the guy you’re reading about, isn’t really a person. He doesn’t have a personality, no tragic backstory, no moral compass. He’s just there. Walking, talking, smiling. And then suddenly—violence. Out of nowhere.

Why? Because sometimes, life just pushes people. You keep swallowing the little stuff—awkward silences, fake laughs, getting ignored, getting talked over, being the nice one. Over and over. And then one day, something in you snaps… or at least, wants to.

Not gonna lie, a lot of these scenes are born from real stories. Not the stabbings, obviously, but the feelings. Stuff I’ve gone through. Stuff people have told me. That quiet, helpless frustration when you just sit there thinking, “Why do I keep letting this happen?” And maybe, for a second, your brain throws out the worst possible solution just to see how it feels.

Keanu is that. He’s not a person. He’s an impulse. He’s what happens when all that built-up patience finally tips.

Some chapters will be hilarious. Some will be disturbing. Some will make zero sense. That’s intentional. Life doesn’t stick to genre rules, so neither does this.

Thanks for reading. Or hate-reading. Or doomscrolling (I sincerely doubt that) your way into this mess. I’m writing it like a fever dream and trying to surprise myself, so if it gets weird, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

– Sincerely,
Showerhead

Rose Cookies

Not for furniture. Not for meatballs.

He stood in front of a MALM dresser that had wronged him in 2012. The edges still bore blood from his shin. The trauma was generational.

"Time to finish what we started," he whispered.

He reached behind the showroom curtain and pulled out a Nerf gun modified to shoot existential dread.

Just as he was about to fire, a portal opened in the LACK table section.

Out stepped a 2003 version of Keanu—emo hair, Naruto headband, fingerless gloves.

"Don't do it," Emo Keanu said. "You still have time to become a SoundCloud rapper."

"I already tried," present Keanu said. "Turns out, mumblecore Gregorian chants weren't marketable."

From behind a pile of throw pillows, a Swedish man in a fox mask began summoning demons using IKEA hex keys and umlauts.

Suddenly, the entire lighting section exploded into sentient chandeliers that floated upward, chanting Latin backwards.

A 7-foot-tall sentient meatball loomed over him.

"You should've stayed in the Kitchen section," it growled in Swedish.

"This is the kitchen section."

"Vengeance tastes better with lingonberry sauce."

The IKEA wormhole