Chapter 15

I got home a few minutes ago and decided to just mop the floor that holds our rooms. I'm almost done when I hear footsteps on the stairs. It may be Lily. I look up ready to welcome her when my words get stuck in my throat.

It's Mr Ross. Why is he back so early? I contemplate whether I should acknowledge him or not. Remembering that he is still my boss regardless of whatever bad feelings I have towards him, I decide to greet.

"Welcome.... sir". He responds with a hum and I continue what I'm doing. I suddenly remember that I haven't replied Clara's nurse regarding her health updates.

I take out my phone and dial the woman's number when I feel a force hit me from the side and due to the shock, my phone falls from my hand just as the person picks.

I look down and the sight in front of me make tears prick my eyes. My phone is sitting in the dirty soapy water looking all pretty. My phone....

"Oh my, I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one". I turn to my side to see Mr Ross looking almost indifferent about what just happened. It just suddenly dawns on me that I was pushed by....him.

He is the reason my phone is inside the water. He is the reason my phone is spoilt. He is the reason I won't hear her voice again...

Rage bubbles up in my heart as I turn to look at his face.

"You really think money can fix everything don't you? You just destroyed my phone". I say in a dangerously calm voice that even surprises me.

"Hold on. It's not even that deep. I can just replace the phone. It's an old model anyways. You should be grateful".

"I should be grateful?! I should be grateful?! Who do you think you are?". Without thinking I pick up the bucket and pour the dirty water all over his body.

"The fuck?!". His bewildered expression doesn't make my anger reduce. If anything, it only fuels my quest to do more damage.

"You can definitely use money to dryclean your suit and shirt and make them look brand-new. What am I even saying? You can literally get a new one in minutes! Your stupid money can't fix what I just fucking lost! You hear me!". He just keeps staring at me like I have lost my mind.

"What are you going on about?" His voice is too calm for someone who just had dirty water poured on him but I don't pay it any mind. My eyes dart to my phone that is on the floor beside him. I kneel down in front of it.

"Her voice. Her voice is gone. Her voice is gone. Mama". Tears cloud my eyes and I hold my phone in my hands. I have lost it. I have lost it forever. I can't hear her speak anymore. I lost it, mama.

I feel warm arms wrap around me and this time I realize that I really need the comfort. I start full on sobbing clawing at my chest wishing the pain would stop. I wish I saved it somewhere else maybe it wouldn't hurt this much. I can't hear her say 'i love you' anymore. I have lost it forever.

Realizing that they could only be one person holding me, my anger comes back in tenfold and I angrily brush off his arms that are around me. I stand up immediately with him mirroring my footsteps.

"I hate you!". I run down the stairs to the living room and he follows after me.

"Where are you going?!" He yells.

I start throwing anything I see at him but unfortunately before I know it, he is right in front of me holding my hands together tightly.

"Let go of me! You took her away from me! All because of you! All because of y-". A hiccup interrupts me and I burst into tears all over again.

All her voicemails are in my phone. Her voice. Who will wish me goodluck in school now? Who will ask how my day was? Who will ask if I have eaten today? I don't have anyone anymore and he didn't even let me keep this one thing.

Tears continue to stream down my face. A wave of tiredness hits me. I'm so tired of fighting to keep it together.

I just want a break. Just one break. I want to breathe without worrying.

Arms pull me into a tight hug and after thrashing around for some minutes with the last energy I have, I melt into the hug and allow myself to finally grieve the way I should have.

Very soon the darkness I have been seeking comes to me and I readily embrace it.

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Ouch, my head hurts. I groan and slowly open my eyes. I see the side profile of someone..... Shit!

Everything starts coming back to me and this time all I can feel is embarrassment. Just as he turns to face me, I quickly close my eyes back.

"I know you are awake. Open your eyes". I open my right eye first then the left. Accepting that I've been caught, I sit up to hear the verdict about my job.

"I'm sorry". We say at the same time. Huh? He is apologizing? I keep quiet to allow him speak.

"I know money can't fix everything but I'm sorry that I pushed you. I know I can't bring back what you lost in the phone or in real life... But. All I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry".

"I'm sorry for lashing out at you that way too. I guess it's because I have not really grieved since she died so I've been hanging on to her through her voicemails. This incident was probably for the best I guess". I shrug as if I'm indifferent but a lone tear betrays me. I quickly wipe it off not wanting to see pity in the eyes of anyone right now.

"Who if I may ask?". He says carefully as if he is talking to a toddler who is on the verge of pulling a tantrum.

"My mum. She died 3 years ago from cancer". My voice breaks at the end. My mind subconsciously goes to the sight of Clara in the hospital bed.

"I won't say it will be fine but it will definitely get better with time and it's okay to admit that it hurts. It will always hurt. We just have to learn how to move on with the pain and vacant space the person leaves".

In that moment, I realize that this is something we both have an understanding on and we may be more alike than we think.

He isn't a total douchebag after all.