chapter 5: The weight of a choice

TIANAH POV

Morning had arrived, but I barely noticed. The city outside was awake—cars honking, people moving, life carrying on like nothing had changed. But for me, everything had.

I curled up under the covers, my body sinking deeper into the mattress. My eyes burned, swollen from crying all night. My throat was dry, raw from the sobs that had racked my body.

This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I was weeks away from my wedding, ready to promise forever to Oliver. But now, I wasn't even sure if we had a future.

A fresh wave of pain washed over me, and I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to push the memories away. But they came anyway.

I had loved him. I still loved him.

And that was the problem.

I sniffed and turned onto my side, hugging my pillow as the past began to replay in my mind.

I wasn't sure when exactly it happened—when Oliver became more than just a friend, more than the boy who used to steal fries off my plate during lunch breaks in college. Maybe it was the way he had always made me feel safe, the way he looked at me like i was the only girl in the world. Or maybe it was the night he held me when i got too drunk at a party, whispering that i deserved better than my toxic ex who had just broken my heart.

I let out a bitter laugh, wiping at the tears streaming down my face. Deserved better. What a joke.

Falling in love with oliver wasn't love at first sight.

In fact, it wasn't love at second or third sight, either.

I had always thought Oliver was attractive, sure. He was charming, had a way of making people laugh, and always knew how to turn a boring moment into something exciting. But I never looked at him that way. Not until the worst period of my life.

It was my second year of college, and I had fallen sick—so sick that I could barely lift my head some days. My body ached, my head throbbed, and I was miserable. Everyone else carried on with their lives, attending lectures, going to parties, living the college experience.

But Oliver… he stayed.

He brought my homework to my dorm, making sure I didn't fall behind. He sat beside my bed, even when I was too exhausted to talk. He made me laugh when I thought I had forgotten how to.

And slowly, without realizing it, I fell.

It wasn't dramatic. It wasn't a sudden realization. It was small moments—him brushing my hair away from my face, him rolling his eyes but still bringing me soup, him threatening to fight my professors if they dared give me too much work when I recovered.

One night, when I was feeling a little better, I looked at him differently. He was sitting on my desk chair, half-asleep, his head resting on his arm.

Something shifted inside me.

That was when I knew.

That was when I realized Oliver wasn't just my friend.

I had fallen in love with him.

Now, years later, I lay in bed, questioning everything.

What will people say?

Will they think I'm being dramatic? Will they say I'm throwing away years of love over one mistake?

Or worse… Would they pity her? Whisper behind her back that she was just another woman who ignored the red flags and chose to settle?

My hands trembled as I wiped my face.

I had built a life with Oliver. Our dreams, our future, our love—it was all intertwined.

But now, it felt like everything was crumbling.

I needed help.

I reached for my phone, my fingers shaking as I dialed Kaylor's number

She picked up on the third ring.

"Tianah?" Her voice was groggy with sleep, but I could hear the concern.

I opened my mouth, but only a choked sob escaped.

"Tianah, what's wrong?"

"I—I don't know what to do," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I feel like I can't breathe."

Silence. Then her tone softened. "I'm coming over."

"No, you don't have to. I just… we can talk on the phone."

"Too bad," Kaylor said firmly. "I'm on my way."

And with that, she hung up.

I pulled myself out of bed, my limbs stiff from lying in the same position for too long. My entire body felt weak, drained.

I dragged my feet downstairs, heading straight for the kitchen.

Coffee. I needed coffee.

I moved mechanically, filling the kettle, setting it on the stove, grabbing a mug. The simple actions gave me something to focus on, something other than the storm in my head.

As the water boiled, I leaned against the counter, staring blankly ahead.

Could I still marry Oliver?

Could I stand at the altar, look into his eyes, and pretend that none of this mattered?

Would I regret leaving him?

Would I regret staying?

The kettle whistled, snapping me out of my thoughts. I poured the water, added coffee, and wrapped my hands around the mug, letting the warmth seep into my fingers.

But nothing could melt the cold ache in my chest.

A knock sounded at the door, and I hurried to open it.

Kaylor stepped in, her eyes scanning my face. Without a word, she pulled me into a hug.

I clung to her, my body shaking as I fought back another round of tears.

After a moment, she pulled back and led me to the couch. "Talk to me," she said gently.

I took a shaky breath. "I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'll make the wrong choice, I dunno what people will say."

Kaylor took my hand. "Listen to me, Tianah. Whatever decision you make is the right one. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life."

clutching my coffee mug like it was a lifeline. "I just… I don't know if I can still marry him, I whispered."

Kaylor tilted her head. "Do you still love him, after this whole thing that has happened.

I hesitated. "Yes I do, I just don't know if that's enough for me to turn a blind eye to what happened between him and Serena."

"There's nothing wrong with being indecisive," Kaylor said gently. "Anyone in your shoes would feel the same way."

Tears welled in my eyes again, but before I could respond, the front door suddenly burst open

Both Kaylor and I jumped as Blair barged in.

"You do know there's a thing called knocking, right?" Kaylor snapped.

"Oh, sorry, I haven't heard of it before," Blair shot back with a smirk.

I let out a small, shaky laugh despite myself.

Blair walked up to me and, surprisingly, pulled me into a hug.

"You need to stop crying," she said firmly.

I swallowed, my throat tight. "I can't help it."

Blair pulled back and gave me a pointed look. "I can't believe you're wasting your tears on a bitch like Serena, when she snatched Jason trust me I didn't loose a wink of my beauty sleep."

Kaylor groaned. "Blair, this isn't the time—"

"No, seriously," Blair interrupted. "Serena doesn't deserve your tears, and Oliver? Come on, Tianah. You deserve better."

Kaylor shot her a warning glare. "That's not the point right now. Tianah is trying to come to a decision."

Blair folded her arms. "What decision? Whether or not to marry a man who had sex with her friend and wasn't even going to tell her? I can make that decision for her and the answer is leaving him standing at the altar".

I flinched, fresh pain slicing through me. I want this pain to end. I just wish the meeting didn't happen.. I wanted to go back to how things was before.

Blair sighed and softened her tone. "Look, I'm just saying… who knows how many other women there are? If he didn't plan on telling you about Serena, what makes you think there wasn't someone else?"

Tears spilled down my cheeks.

I palmed my face, my shoulders shaking.

Kaylor turned to Blair, glaring. "Really? What is wrong with you? Why did you even come if your mission is to make her cry?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "I came because I care. And because, like it or not, there's some truth in what I'm saying , I won't sit here and sugarcoat things like your ass is doing right now."

I sniffled, wiping my face. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew she wasn't wrong, Blair was always blunt."

But the truth still hurt.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions. "I just… I need time."

Kaylor squeezed my hand. "Then take it.

Blair sighed. "Fine. But just know that whatever you decide, we're here for you."

I nodded, exhaling shakily.

But deep down, I knew time wouldn't erase what Oliver had done.

And it wouldn't make this choice any easier.