Inner Guilts

"I hope it does." Elissa mumbled the words underneath her breath as she stared at the ground. She sat on the ground with her hands placed on her head, and with her mind running through the possibility of Martha's words being true. 

If only she had listened. If only she had held on to Martha's words of having to start off her adulthood with more easy steps, then, all of these would have been avoided. 

She shrugged her shoulders, and headed home. She stepped into the house, looking at her parents who had their eyes and hands fixed on other things. 

"Hey Mom. Hey Dad" she greeted with a low tone. 

Her mother turned back with a smile, staring at her daughter whom she never saw for a long time. Her hands were wet due to the dishes she handled, and so she grabbed a hand towel, parting her hands dry as she responded to her daughter's greetings. 

"Elissa!" She squealed happily as she sighted her daughter. It was the first time she had seen her after she headed out for her eighteenth birthday party, and was even more concerned over the fact that she never returned that night. 

"Where have you been?" She asked again as she wrapped her daughter in a warm embrace, stroking her hair downwards as she heaved off the heavy sigh of relief

"I spent the night with Martha" she lied. She said those words after a few seconds of having to search for answers that would never point in the direction of what she did and where she was, and so the best she could have come up with was the idea of her best friend. 

She was certain that her parents would never have to suspect a thing, and they would accept crashing at Martha's place since they were so fond of her

"How did the party go?" Her mother broke the hug and asked her with her hands holding her shoulders, staring into her daughter's eyes with so much ecstasy, while the other felt the opposite. 

"It was… great" Elissa shrugged her shoulders. She was timid to stare at her mother, and very much terrified of having to tell her mother that she mingled and even got deeply intimate with the race which she was warned never to associate with. 

For as long as she could hold it, she promised herself that she was never going to utter the true events of the previous night to her mother, and would keep it a secret as long as no consequence would ride from her actions. 

"You don't look so good" her mother said after a few things she noticed. Elissa's heart skipped a beat as she watched her mother stare at her with a concerned face, checking all sides other face to ensure that there was nothing wrong with her. 

"How?" Elissa argued. 

"I can't say. Is something wrong? Did anything happen?" Her mother asked again. 

She was dumbstruck, unable to utter a word. She looked away from her mother's eyes, and looked towards the ground where she could battle her thoughts. Gradually, it seemed as though her good morals were fading. First she lost the chastity, and now she was gradually losing her Probity. 

"Look at me, Elissa" her mother said as she placed her hands under her daughter's chin, and raised it upwards, causing both their eyes to be locked

"You can tell me anything" her mother whispered. Her mother stood with the hopes that all things could be sorted out, despite how terrible it could be. She only needed to be close to her daughter, and understand her pain before she could lend any helping hand. 

But this understanding was not the same in Elissa's mind. The younger one stood with the fear of having to betray her mother or having her mother's heart broken by the things she did, and so she held back the truth from her. 

"Nothing's wrong, mum" Elissa groaned the words. 

"I guess I'm just tired" Elissa said as she slowly pushed her mother's hands away from her shoulders, and walked up the flight of stairs to her room. 

She opened the door, slammed it gently, and then fell on the bed with a heavy groan, And with tears rolling down her eyes. It seemed as though the entire world was crashing upon her head, and there was nothing she could have done to remedy the situation. 

The next day, she got up early, had a quick shower and dressed up ready for school. She stood at the balcony in the school environment with Martha, discussing random subjects, with laughter amidst their conversation. 

"I'm sure your mother was worried about you" Martha said after a few minutes of having to listen to Elissa pour out her troubles to her. 

"I can't tell her" Elissa said. 

"But she assured you that she's willing to help you" Martha retorted. Martha's face was squeezed over the fact that the other had this confidence of fighting her battles and handling her troubles on her own, rejecting help that was open to her. 

But as they conversed, she noticed that Elissa had her hands on her forehead, and her eyes were slowly closing, as though she was feeling a bit dizzy. 

"Are you alright?" Martha asked her. She walked closer to the other, trying to hold the other from falling. 

"I'm fine." Elissa assured. She wore a plastic smile on her face as she said, but the other never believed. Martha placed her hands on Elissa's neck, feeling the heat that almost burnt her skin. 

"You're heating up." Martha said. 

"You need to see a doctor" Martha said again, but before she could utter another word again, she watched as her friend's eyes began to close slowly, and in a matter of seconds, her body became light, and she lost consciousness of her surroundings, falling to the ground but was caught by the aid of her friend. 

"Elissa! Elissa!! Elissa!!!" Martha yelled her name out in panic, holding her tightly on the ground with tears rolling down her eyes. 

"Somebody help! Anybody" Martha cried out again.