Choose A Drink, For God's Sake

- June 30th -

"Come on, Scott..." Wallace complained as he, you, Scott, and Ramona stopped by the grocery store.

"Come onnnn, Scott!" Ramona joined in.

"Just a- Give me a second! I need to pick the best drink, okay?" Scott said as he searched the freezer section.

"Is it really that big a deal?" You questioned.

"The movie starts in 20 minutes, and I still need to go to the candy store..." Wallace stressed out.

"Make up your mind! What's the difference, anyway?" Ramona questioned, looking at the selection of drinks.

"Just take the Pepsi Lime, man. The -1 intelligence stat isn't changing much." You suggested.

"There are tons of differences! Besides, I-" Scott paused. "...oh, that's low, Y/N."

"I didn't mean it like that, swear." You laughed. "But really though, just take the Pepsi Lime, dude. It's good. I think... Maybe?"

"Wallace got us free tickets yo the gay cowboy movie out of the goodness of his heart! This is important!" Ramona exclaimed.

"What?! Ha! Wallace doesn't have goodness in his heart!" Scott joked. "He didn't even invite Y/N!"

"Hey, Wallace got three free tickets, so one of us was going to be left out. I'm coming along because I have this coupon for free nachos or slush with the purchase of popcorn and a drink, which will expire tomorrow." You said, holding up said coupon.

"That part. Besides, Scott's always like this, you know. Not just on special occasions." Wallace commented.

"Okay, okay, the stupid Pepsi Lime with +3 to will!" Scott finally decided, taking a 1 liter bottle.

"Great. Now, hurry up and pay for it, and-" Wallace began.

"...pay?" Scott asked.

"Don't tell me." Ramona deadpanned.

"You have the money, right, Scott?" Wallace asked.

"..." Scott went quiet.

"I'll pay for it, now let's go." You groaned, and the 4 of you finally exited the store.

"Well, Scott just wasted 15 minutes. We're running to the candy store." Wallace said.

"Oh, I'm on video right now. I can make it there in no time. Just give me the money, what you want, and I'll bolt it to the candy store." You offered.

"Alright, then here's the money, and..." Wallace said, handing you the money and a slip of paper. "This is the list of things I want."

"Gotcha." You replied, and with that, you dashed to the candy store, leaving the trio behind.

- After getting the candy -

"Aaaand I'm back!" You grinned, holding the bag of candy.

"Wow, you were gone for just 4 minutes." Ramona commented.

"I'm fast when it's needed." You smirked. "And if you want, I can hide the candies in the VW. Wouldn't wanna get caught with candy before the movie, after all."

"You're a blessing, Y/N." Wallace thanked as you opened a small portal to the Virtual World, and placed the bag of candies in there.

"Back on track, let's get going." You nodded.

"Got some chocolate for me?" Scott asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. Though, that combined with your soda is gonna make this movie unbearable. I shouldn't have given you sugar." Wallace replied.

"Huh? Why are you saying that?" Scott asked, confused and almost offended.

"Yeah, actually, we're sitting in a movie theater for two hours, dude... Promse you aren't getting all grabby." Ramona added.

"Seconded. No grabbing. That's a rule." You stated. "It's a public space, and we're there for a movie and snacks. End sentence."

"Grabby? Me?! Guys, come on, you know I wouldn't-" Scott started, but stopped.

"End. Sentence." Ramona and you said in unison, causing Scott to sigh.

"If it helps, Scott will probably be too busy going to pee." Wallace joked.

"Oh, does he get up to go pee halfway through the movie?" Ramona asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Halfway? Try six times." Wallace jested, making Ramona laugh.

"That's a record, not an average!" Scott defended.

"Sure." You replied.

"Whatever." Scott scoffed as he looked over to the wall promoting the movie "The Girl Who Kicked Me" starring Winfred Hailey. "These posters are kind of creeping me out. Who's that girl? Lindsay... Dorff...? Huffman...? Wilford... Brimley?"

"It's Winfred Hailey. Isn't she like sixteen? She's supposed to be an action star now?" Ramona asked.

"Yeah, I wouldn't know." Wallace replied.

"Me either." You shrugged.

"Guys, I'm seriously creeped out now-" Scott started, but stopped as the scene shifter to a space made of a white void, elongated ovals lining the walls, roof, and floor. "Something weird is going on."

"Astute observation, Scott." Ramona deadpanned, before looking up, and you were all surrounded by copies of Winfred Hailey from the posters.

"Is this real?" Scott questioned as he got ready to fight.

"Look pretty real to me, dude." You said, also preparing.

"...are they going to make out?" Scott asked, and the way he delivered that line implied he likely wanted the answer to be yes.

"Focus, Scott!" Ramona scolded, punching him in the side. "They... can't be completely real. They came out of movie posters. And there's 8 of them. And they're all the same."

"So... what's the move here?" You questioned.

"Don't know. Scott, got any ideas why famous teen actress Winfred Hailey would be so mad at you that her movie posters would come alive and hurt your friends?" Wallace asked.

"I'm drawing a blank." Scott replied, shrugging.

"It can't be just her. This is strong ninja-type stuff and there's no way some 16-year old Ingénue is secretly a ninja. Some else cast that spell." Ramona deduced.

"I concur." Wallace agreed.

"Whatever game of clone wars they wanna play, I can play, too!" You declared, snapping your fingers. "Angels!"

Four Digital Angels made of video emerged, armored, winged, and armed with swords. All surrounded you in a protective formation.

"On guard. Play on defensive for now." You commanded, and they listened.

"Scott Pilgrim! Prepare to die!" One of the Winfred Haileys proclaimed.

And thus, one of them moved in to punch Scott, but one of the Angels blocked it with their blade, and another swung their sword at the clone. It jumped back, and the other clones came in to attack. It was now 8 Winfred Haileys vs 4 Angels.

However, it seemed the 8 clones were more focused on avoiding the Angels' attacks and getting to Scott, rather than actually fighting them. This was a problem.

"Wyenn! Can I get more Angels, please? I can't hit a 16-year-old girl!" Scott called out.

"Sorry! Four's all I can do! They'll keep you safe, don't worry!" You replied.

"Why are the Winfreds ignoring us?" Wallace questioned, seeing as he, you, and Ramona were not being targeted.

"They're just for Scott, it looks like. Cute as a button, though, aren't they?" Ramona commented.

"It doesn't seem like a Conduit's doing. I would know." You said, looking around.

"Maybe some kind of ninja magic triggered when we walked by those posters?" Wallace suggested.

"Magic Ninjas? That sounds even more insane than Vegan Powers." You deadpanned.

"His guess is more or less as bad as mine." Ramona shrugged.

"What ninja could possibly hold a grudge against Scott?" Wallace wondered. "Ramona, is one of your seven evil ex-boyfriends a ninja?"

"One or more of my exes might be ninja, yeah..." Ramona answered, nervously biting her nails.

As she said that, one of the Angels managed to slice one of the Winfreds' in half, making her poof away. She also dropped a pink scrap of paper. Scott went to reach for it, but was blocked by the rest of the clones.

"It's no good! I can't get close or they'll smush my hands!" Scott cried out.

"It could be a ninja scroll or something." Ramona theorized.

"Yeah, that's how ninja stuff works, right? Scott! Beat them all! I think the paper might be a clue!" Wallace shouted.

"I don't wanna!" Scott whined. "Can't the Angels do it for me?"

"You can't keep relying on someone else to fight a girl for you! Plus, you have to! They're bad!" Wallace argued. "And the movie starts in twelve minutes!"

"I don't like hitting them! They're... soft." Scott reasoned, but Wallace wasn't having it.

"That's it. Wyenn, un-summon your Angels. Scott has to learn to fight a girl." He decided.

"I guess that's true... Well, no more support, then." You nodded, and snapped your fingers. With that, the Angels poofed away.

"Wyenn?! Why are you listening to him?!" Scott exclaimed, shocked.

"You're gonna have to learn to hit girls eventually, Scott!" Ramona yelled as she ran over to him, grabbing his arms. "Just relax, okay?"

"Huh? Wait, what?" Scott stuttered.

And as if she were manipulating a puppet, Ramona began to use her hands to make Scott's body move. Scott's body, now moving by Ramona's manipulation, punched one and another of the Winfred clones, eventually taking care of all of them.

"See? That wasn't so difficult, wasn't it?" Ramona smiled, letting Scott go.

"I... I don't want to hit the pretty ladies..." He stammered out, eyes still wide as saucers as he slumped to the ground.

"So what's the deal with the pieces of paper, man? Ninja writing? Name and address?" Wallace asked.

"It's a..." Scott started, picking up a piece of paper. "...uhh... a coupon."

"Free drink coupons? These are the same, then." Ramona said as she picked up the rest.

"Expiring on June 30th." You noted. "Today, huh? Just like my coupon."

"I'm reeeeeally thirsty after all that punching..." Scott made puppy dog eyes, complete with lip pouting and watery eyes.

"Scott, no. I already bought you your drink. You can get the free ones later." You denied.

"But-" Scott tried. "...they're free..."

"No buts, mister. Movies. Now." You scolded.

"Fine, fine..." Scott gave up, sighing.

- After the movie, and back at the grocery store -

"I've seen better. Middle of the road movie." You shrugged after watching Brokeback Mountain.

"You fell asleep at one point. And the cowboys were cute. So I'm not complaining." Wallace smiled.

"I might just fall asleep again. Scott's been at the freezer trying to figure out what drinks he should get for 45 minutes now." You pointed out, laying on the floor. "Wake me up when he's done."

"Real funny, Y/N." Scott grumbled. "Look, this one has +4 to speed!"

"I hate you so much, Scott Pilgrim." Wallace deadpanned. "I hate him so much, Ramona."

"I know you do, sweetie." Ramona sympathized with a new nickname for Wallace. Then, she placed a hand on your head, running her fingers through your hair. "Scott, you're killing Y/N from boredom. Do you really need 8 completely different drinks?"

"Yes, and they all have to have complimentary power-ups! And not be grape. And I can't go over my daily limit on anything, that's bad for you." Scott ranted. "I also like to try and match the colors while I'm at it. You can call me-" And you tuned him out.

"Hey, you're cool with me doing this, right?" Ramona asked, referring to her petting your head.

"Mhm." You hummed. "I don't mind. Kinda nice, actually."

"...it's also good if they go in alphabetical order, and there can't be any repeats and blah blah blah blah blah blah!" Scott continued.

"We'll be here forever..." Wallace groaned.