The Goat Won The Contest, Not Me!

"You sure about this?" I whispered to the goat, but it had already wandered off, apparently looking for more rocks to chew on.

Great...just great...

The Champion stepped forward. As he came into the light, I was struck by one thing—he was absolutely huge. Like, unnaturally tall. His muscles had muscles. I had no doubt that one punch from him could send me flying into the next dimension.

"I see your... companion is here," he said, his voice deep, gravelly, and commanding. "Shall we begin?"

I turned to the goat, now happily nibbling on an unattended hat. "Well, I guess we're going to have to do this without your help. Maybe if you eat some of his spiritual aura, it'll give me a boost."

The goat didn't even look up.

Fantastic...

"Are you ready, Long Fei Jian?" the Champion boomed, already assuming a battle stance.

"Ready?" I said, my voice a little shaky, "Oh, I'm definitely ready. Let's just—"

Before I could finish the sentence, the Champion lunged at me faster than a lightning strike. His fist came down with enough force to crack the ground beneath me.

I instinctively sidestepped, barely dodging it. I quickly conjured my defensive qi shield, which sparked and shimmered as his fist made contact with it. The impact sent me stumbling backward, my arms aching from the force.

"Well, this is going well," I muttered, gritting my teeth as I held my ground. "Maybe we can wrap this up quick, huh?"

The Champion didn't respond. Instead, he swung his other fist, aiming for my head. I barely ducked in time, feeling the rush of air as it passed over my scalp.

"You've got some speed," I said, now a little more impressed. "But not enough to—"

Before I could finish the sentence, the goat...who had apparently grown bored of its hat snack—trotted right into the center of the arena, headed straight for the Champion.

I froze, watching as the goat, oblivious to the battle happening around it, walked directly into the line of fire.

The Champion, who had been preparing for another punch, looked down, clearly bewildered by the sight of the goat calmly strolling in front of him.

"Your goat?" the Champion growled, staring at me like I had lost my mind.

I gave him a helpless shrug. "Apparently, I can't control him. He does whatever he wants."

The goat stopped right in front of the Champion, staring up at him with a mixture of disdain and curiosity. For a moment, there was a tense silence, and then—

The goat headbutted the Champion right in the stomach...

The entire arena went silent.... I blinked.

The Champion didn't move at all. He stood there, looking down at the goat like it had just slapped him with a wet noodle.

The goat, however, didn't seem satisfied with its initial strike. It backed up, snorted, and—without warning—charged again.

The Champion finally reacted, raising a hand to stop the goat, but as he did, he stepped backward—right into a very precarious position near the edge of the arena.

The goat, having now decided this was its time to shine, butted him once more—this time with enough force to send the Champion stumbling backward. The Champion flailed, arms pinwheeling for balance, and.... Plop!....

The Champion fell backward into the arena's edge, disappearing over the side in an undignified heap. The goat trotted over to the spot where he fell, giving the Champion's fallen form one final, smug look. It turned back to me and bleated triumphantly.

I stood there, blinking in disbelief. "Did... did that just happen?"

The crowd of Blackthorn Sect members erupted into laughter and applause. They were laughing. I didn't even know how to process that.

The attendants rushed forward, but the Champion was nowhere to be found. I glanced down at the goat, whose smug expression said it all: I am the true champion here.

And that's when I realized that maybe, just maybe, the Blackthorn Sect wasn't going to make this easy.

"Uhhh... congratulations, I guess," a voice said from the other end of the arena. It was the Sect Leader, who was now standing on the raised platform, looking down at me with an amused grin. "It seems you've won, Long Fei Jian... but not in the way I expected."

I rubbed my temples. "Well, that was... something. And here I thought I was the one who was supposed to make an impression."

The goat looked up at me and bleated again, as if to say, I did that for you.

I sighed, raising my hands to the sky. "Great. Just another day in the life of Long Fei Jian, Champion of Chaos and Official Diplomatic Goat Wrangler."

Chapter 98: Goat Champion, Diplomatic Fallout, and Other Minor Catastrophes

The Blackthorn Sect Leader stood silently, his hands clasped behind his back, observing the aftermath of what could only be described as the most absurd diplomatic anything in history. The crowd was still laughing, and I could hear snippets of conversation:

"Did you see that? The goat actually knocked him off the arena!"

"Legendary. If only the Sect Leader had that kind of balance."

"Can I keep the goat?"

At this point, I was half-tempted to just leave. But then, something weird happened.

The Blackthorn Sect Leader clapped his hands, silencing the crowd, and suddenly all eyes were on me.

"Long Fei Jian," he said, his voice carrying through the arena, "today, you have proven that anything can happen when you are involved. Not only have you defeated our Champion, but your... goat, I must say, has left a lasting impression on our sect."

I opened my mouth to make a snarky comment, but the goat trotted forward and butt-bumped me in the shin, making me stumble.

"Oh, you're really feeling yourself now, aren't you?" I muttered under my breath as I steadied myself. The goat's only response was a contented bleat.

The Blackthorn Sect Leader continued, completely unfazed. "For your victory, you have earned more than just the artifacts. You have earned our... respect."

Wait, what?

I stood there, blinking. "Respect? That's it? After all that... chaos?"

He gave me a smile that was equal parts amused and impressed. "Indeed. Not many can take down our Champion... even if it was with a goat."

"Well," I started, raising an eyebrow, "I suppose if your Champion had been ready for goat-based combat, this might've turned out differently."

The Blackthorn Sect Leader raised an eyebrow of his own. "You do have a point there." Then, he gestured to one of the attendants, who hurried over with a large, ornate box.

"Now, as promised," he said, "the artifacts are yours."

The box was placed before me, and as I opened it, I half-expected it to be full of ancient scrolls, mystical treasures, or... something equally prestigious. Instead, it was packed with what looked like... assorted mystical snacks.

I stared at them, incredulity washing over me. "Is this some sort of... prank?"

The Blackthorn Sect Leader laughed. "Ah, Long Fei Jian, you underestimate the value of these artifacts. These are spiritual delicacies from the farthest reaches of the realms. Every bite grants a surge of energy, enlightenment, and occasionally... wisdom."

I stared at the snacks suspiciously. One of them looked like a cheese puff, only glowing faintly.

"Wisdom, you say?" I raised an eyebrow. "And how do I know if these are... safe?"

"Try one." The Blackthorn Sect Leader gestured to the snacks. "I assure you, they are... harmless."

I looked at the goat, then back at the glowing cheese puff.

"Oh, what the hell," I muttered. "I survived an arena of chaos. What's a mystical snack gonna do?"

I picked up the cheese puff, took a deep breath, and popped it into my mouth. Immediately, my mind was flooded with an overwhelming sense of clarity. I saw visions of entire libraries full of arcane knowledge. Ancient sages meditated atop snow-covered peaks. Powerful cultivation techniques from forgotten realms flashed before my eyes.....