1 - The goddess of Trickery

Viktorian knew he was dead. In fact, he knew he had been dead for a very long time. He had died in the most ridiculous way possible. He always knew his apartment was haunted; they warned him. The agent warned him, his family warned him, his neighbors warned him. He had even seen the warning signs.

Even the doors slamming and lights turning off suspiciously were warnings. But he paid no attention to them.

Ghosts? What are those? A figment of your imagination.

He had done a long 'binge-watching session' and eased into a 'relaxing self massage.' Then he booted up a new role-playing game that had just dropped on the market. How was he supposed to know he would choke on noodles? Make no mistake, they were the tastiest instant noodles he had in a while.

In the midst of scarfing down endless amounts of noodles, he ate too fast. He ran into the kitchen to find something in the fridge to drink. But along the way, he tripped over a pile of laundry that had been left on the floor.

Then he crashed headfirst into the sink—his face completely planted into the sink he forgot to drain. Noodles dangled out of his mouth, like he was spawned from Cthulhu. The worst part of all? His leg had awkwardly stuck in the stray laundry basket that wasn't supposed to be there. One of his long socks was pinning him down, keeping him in place. And to top it all off, there was a weight on his arms, pinning him down.

The last thing he saw was a creepy-looking woman, smiling down at him. Giggling. Her hair was pale as snow, and her skin was as blue as the moon on a Monday.

"You'll be stuck here with me for forever." the phantom said.

It would have stopped there, had he not struggled to break free. His hand knocked over his electric kettle, still plugged in. It flipped, and the lower contraption sent a lower circuit into the water, then electrified him while he was drowning.

He gurgled, the moaned, then suffocating while his nerves were electrifying at wattage per seconds.

Everything went dark.

He didn't know if he was dreaming, or if consciousness after death was all there was to living, but he had been drifting in this maddening void for some time now. He had been able to play pretend with imaginary characters for at least a few days, but now, he was stuck here.

"Oh, brave gamer of MMOs and consumer of junk foods, do you wish to live again? Do you wish to try again?"

Who was that. That voice, a figment of his imagination.

"What? What the fuck! Who's there? Are you the ghost, the one that murdered me?"

The voice hissed. "This is a goddess you're speaking to. You filthy mortal. Mind your language."

Goddess? What nonsense. He supposed this was it? He was going to become mad.

"Answer me, my question, or be consigned to oblivion... or the 24 trillion waiting list. That could take 3.5 years to be free."

"24 trillion waiting list?" What did that mean? Would he wait in line for heaven, hell, or even reincarnation? Would it hurt to play along with the voice? He didn't think so. "Uh… I mean yes, I want to be reincarnated as an isekai hero, maybe a demon king with a harem of 100 women, and I want all the cheat skills—"

"Shut up!"

Oops.

Then, suddenly, he was in a brightly lit room, painted and coated in shining bits of white light. Everything was white here—the furniture, the bed, even the goddess that stood in front of him.

His body was his again. And he could move around and touch his skin.

Viktorian's eyes nearly bulged out. She was a curvy individual. Her breasts were amazing, to say the least, though he could only see bits and pieces of her cleavage. Viktorian felt blessed by her presence. He gawked at the ground, groveling while looking upward.

She stared down at him with contentment. Her feet were less than a meter away from him. He stalked closer. She kicked him in the face, sending him flying against the walls of the chamber.

"Did you just try to lick—"

"No!" he shut her down before she could finish. "I wouldn't, without permission."

She sneered at him, then relaxed. "How pathethic."

"Viktorian, for a plebeian as unremarkable as you, one like you doesn't often have enough karma points to choose where you will reincarnate, how you will reincarnate, and what you will reincarnate as."

"Eh, karma points?"

A screen flashed in his face.

Karma: +42 Points

Life Performance: Mediocre

Your actions have neither greatly harmed nor significantly benefited the world. While you have left a mark, it is one of passing consequence.

"Huh, that's gotta count for something, right?"

The goddess shook her head. "Unfortunately, it counts for nothing around here. Maybe the waiting in the waiting list will net you some extra karma."

"yeah no, I'm not going to drift for three point five years."

Suddenly, she grabbed him and threw him on the bed. He gawked, then cradled himself together and grabbed one of her pillows. Staring up at her assets. Admiring the white haired goddess.

"See, here's the thing: I am not really good at this goddess of reincarnation thing, I'm kinda new. And my bosses expect me to send at least one reincarnator today. The multiverse is huge, and I'm kinda lazy. To look for perfect candidates. So~"

He didn't need to think twice about it. He hit the jackpot. Nothing on earth could compare.

"Yes, I agree. Send me right away."

"I haven't even laid out all the details, but if you're sure…"

she giggled.

"Yes, mommy, send me. To isekai land. I want to feel the touch of a woman again."

Wait, he has never been with one. Perhaps this will be an oppurtunity for real for real.

"You're sure… you don't want to discuss terms and conditions?"

"You said I wouldn't get any cheat skills and stuff, so I guess just having a second chance will be alright."

"Fufufufu, if you are absolutely sure." She bounced on the bed, and her melons started jiggling. Viktorian gasped, then leaned closer. "Then come here, big boy."

he lunged like a mad dog.

Just as he reached her, she put her hand on his face and snapped her fingers.

SPLIT. Reality cracked open, and he found himself briefly staring at her, whilst space was distorted.

Then wham. He was gone.

The last words he heard from her sent chills down his spine. "You goddamn fool, you were so easy."

He stirred. His body felt sluggish. He couldn't control himself. Was he still in the womb of his mother? No. He could feel other things stirring next to him. Little slushy things, jelly-like. Squelching and squirting liquids. His vision returned, and then he started to panic. Around him was a sea of slimes, clumping together like a living sewage pipe. A screen bombarded his vision.

[System Notification]

Name: Nameless slime (Level 1)

Race: Slime Baby

Class: None

HP: 20/20

MP: 10/10

Stamina: 15/15

Strength: 2

Dexterity: 4

Constitution: 2

Intelligence: 1

Wisdom: 1

Charisma: 2

Skills

Adaptive Form: The slime can change shape slightly, making it harder to pin down or trap.Effect: +2 Dexterity when evading environmental hazards (such as being squashed or trapped).

Nooooo! I reincarnated as a slime. Not a human, not even a fucking demon. That goddess... she tricked me. also nameless slime what the hell I had a name.

To be fair, he didn't want to listen to her; he was too occupied staring at her melons.

He couldn't help but feel awkward. He had been murdered by a ghost, then tricked by a goddess through no fault of his own. In his life, he had accomplished nothing of significant worth. He would be confined to this life as an animal monster thingy. He was the maker of his own tragedy. All that time playing video games and bombarding himself with dopamine didn't seem so nice anymore.

"Shit!" he squelched. Then hundreds of little slimes turned to him, staring at him with their goggling eyes. They all repeated and echoed his words. "Shiiiiiii~"

Oh no.

Then they all came for him.

I get reincarnated, and the first thing I'm hit with is a goddess that's basically a walking fantasy. And I can't even touch her... Now my slime brothers want to consume me. Why does life have to be like this?