Elena- The Silence

How selfish of him to not ever once care about how this could affect me. He could save me if he wanted. He could stop all of this. And of-course, just like before he could find someone better than me. Then why all over again I had to be here?

A knock echoed, pulling me out of the stupor.

I looked up from blacked out screen of my laptop to the door. A breath stilled when I found my dad at the door, it was already ajar.

"Yes dad?" I asked. His frown settled on his eyes, clear even from where I sat.

"Did your mom ask you to get dressed? Liangs will be joining us for dinner today." He walked inside, closing the door behind him. He took a seat on the bed, while I sat still near the window on my chair. I gulped. This wasn't the end of his words.

And of-course mom informed me almost an hour ago, I had just been sitting still, lost in my thoughts. Truth was, I did not have the courage to get dressed. Getting dressed meant, I obliged with what they demanded of me. I took my eyes away from him, looking outside the window.

"I don't want to marry Johnathan dad, is there not any another way?" I voiced out. My throat ached but I somehow managed to keep my voice intact. I felt the temperature drop. A stillness was spread in the room.

"I will say this only once Elena. I know you are not happy with our decision. But all this is so you can at-least keep what we've built. We want you to be comfortable and I promise you will be." I heard him soft voice, after years. Even in the cold stare he must be sending my way, his warm words made me feel comforted.

"I understand every-thing dad, but- " I stopped when he moved. I snapped my head back and watched as he reached for the door.

He did not face me. "Be downstairs in 10 minutes, everyone will be waiting." and with that the door was closed again. I inhaled a deep breath leaning back on the chair.

I was tired of shedding tears, of feeling bad, of being angry. I was supposed to be back to be happier, to do my best for my parent's hard work. What was the point when no one was ready to consider me all over again?

I got up. A flicker of anger rose in my chest. For a moment I hoped he would listen to me. For a second I believed he would actually care to consider my words. I was wrong. My fists curled when I stared at myself in the mirror. My skin had dulled, even my eyes looked tired. What was I doing to myself? Why?

Yet the anger wasn't enough to give me strength. I sighed. I needed to get dressed. I walked to my wardrobe, picking up the first dress that was there. I changed into it, curled my hair and applied some makeup.

I eyed myself in the mirror, the black dress did not help my pale skin and somehow the makeup too looked out of lines. I tried hard, to lift my lips up, and they formed a perfect smile. But somehow it tired me out. I tried again, smiling at myself. "Better."

I walked downstairs. My eyes wandered across the grand hall. Under the golden light of the big chandelier, sat finely dressed men and women. All perfectly handsome, familiar faces. Not one feature out of alignment. Even my parents meddled with each of those faces perfectly. Madam Liang's eyes found mine quick. As always, she was the first to notice.

A part of me had as if travelled in the past, being the same old girl from my teenage. My eyes turned to Johnathan, sitting quietly on the empty couch, alone. He held the space around him, sitting unbothered like he owned this place. His eyes shifted and met mine for a brief second before he took them away. I too looked away, forcing a polite smile on my lips.

I edged closer and I spotted Sir Liang sitting next to Madam Liang. He smiled at me too. I nodded my head at them. None of them got up from their seats, why would they. Now we were adults and they were elders. I greeted them, quietly making my way next to Johnathan.

He turned his face towards me and I returned it with a nod. My mother's voice broke the awkward silence. "I am so happy that both the kids agree for this marriage. It is truly what we needed after years of friendship, we will officially be one big family." and with that started a series of smiles, laughs and dialogues. Amidst all of that, I sat quiet and so was Johnathan. His scent and warmth reached me despite the distance between us. For some reason, my heart would not go quiet.

My hands kept sweating, my feet did not want to be still. A part of me wanted to just walk away.

"Elena?" I heard Mrs Liang's voice. I looked up abruptly at her. "Sorry?"

"Why don't you and Johnathan take a small walk around before the dinner?" She asked. It took a couple seconds for me to register her words. I was lost and with her lasting stare, I knew she had noticed that too.

"No it is fine, We-"

"That's a good Idea." It was Johnathan whose words cut me off. His voice was slightly louder, more definite. I did not even bother looking at him. My jaw tightened. When would he stop making decision for me? I pressed my lips together as he got up.

My brows furrowed as I got up, following after him. He was one step forward. I knew he would choose the garden before he took the turn. My eyes rested on his back. His words from the other day still lingered in my head.

Remember, if you will be there, you will belong with me from that moment forward.

He stopped the moment we neared the bench in the garden.

"Why do you make things so difficult for me?" I asked, taking a seat, brushing past him.

"I did you a favor. Everyone could tell how uneasy you were that whole time." He kept standing behind me, not bothering to take a single step forward. I stared ahead. He was right. As always, he noticed the things I did not want him to. Silence surrounded us again. None of us spoke. I kept breathing silently, shutting my eyes gently.

No words formed and I did not force any. I had the answers I needed, he did to. What was there to ask? What was there to know? What was left to discuss?

"You know damn well, I deserve better." I muttered, to which there was no reply. I turned my head to look up at him. He wasn't looking at me, but up at the sky. I watched him for a couple seconds before he slowly looked back down. His eyes found mine and he held them.

"Yes." he paused.

"So did I." I noticed how his indifferent expressions turned grim. He exhaled a breath and I turned back around.

Just like that, we remained in a loud silence. I wasn't sure if it was calming or of it bothered me. But I knew it was better. I knew it felt somehow comforting to let myself be angry at him, his family, my family and also myself.