Chapter 7. The Pastor of Happiness in the Abandoned Land (1)

Ding-dong!

A clear, beautiful sound rang out across the world.

Kim Jangcheol instinctively snapped his eyes open. Then, like reading a perfectly plump piece of seasoned cod roe, he carefully took in the full message before him.

'…..What? Happy Points… accumulation? Points accumulate whenever I feed and bring happiness to the Demon King's army?'

He was dumbfounded. This was a system he had never once encountered, even after playing Paladin of Blood through nineteen full runs.

While he was still processing, a follow-up message burst forth.

Ding-dong-dong!

[You gain 1 Happy Point for each demon of the Demon King's army who feels happiness.]

[You may use the accumulated Happy Points to enhance your stats.]

[The five basic stats you can purchase are:]

[Stamina, Mental Strength, Physical Strength, Agility, Magic Power]

[Currently, you are able to utilize up to 20% of the true power of Demon King Credos.]

[Every time you purchase a stat using Happy Points, the limit of Credos's power you can access increases by an additional 10%.]

[Upon reaching 100%, you will be able to draw forth the full extent of Demon King Credos's power and wield the true might of a Demon King.]

[Initial stat purchase cost = 50 Happy Points]

[With each stat purchase, the next cost increases.]

'What the hell is this?'

He recalled the idle games he occasionally played on his phone. The kind where you collect points and pour them into the protagonist's stats to make them stronger.

Only now, the protagonist was himself.

So... if he invested points, he could raise his stat limits—whether it be Stamina, Physical Strength, or Magic?

And if he kept investing?

Eventually, he could reach 100%. In other words, he'd be able to pull out every last drop of Demon King Credos's power, like a tree that gives and gives without end.

'This is insane.'

A true self-raising power fantasy!

Of course, it wouldn't be easy. The higher the tier, the more exponentially the point cost would rise—just like in any idle game.

'Idle games, huh. Then what about skills?'

He suddenly remembered how some of those games let you invest points into upgrading skills as well.

And as if on cue—

Ding-dong!

That bright chime brought up yet another message.

[You can also use Happy Points to enhance various skills.]

[Current Skills]

[Bloody Lightning (Lv.1) / Level Up: 250 Points]

[Current Happy Points: 0]

[The road to accumulating Happy Points is long and arduous, but the reward is immense.]

[Fighting~♡]

That was the end of the message.

Kim Jangcheol gazed at the now-empty space where the message had vanished, disbelief still lingering in his eyes. A soft sigh slipped out unconsciously. But at the same time, he realized something.

'Yeah, this is no joke.'

He could feel the immense potential.

Points were earned every time he fed the demon soldiers and made them feel happiness. Then what if—what if he fed the entire population of demons in this forsaken land all at once?

That could easily net him thousands of points in one go.

'Then I wouldn't have to worry about dying to someone else anymore.'

Well, except for that monster, Aged Kimchi.

...Squelch.

Still, it was something.

Kim Jangcheol felt a small spark of hope. With a stronger desire to succeed in farming, he lifted his head. Then, he turned to look at Baal, who was groggily pushing himself upright beside him.

But somehow—

Baal looked a little different now. Perhaps because this guy had triggered the "Happy Point" system?

'Tch... so this guy's also someone who can pump out Happy Points for me. A customer, basically.'

Whether he liked him or not, if he could benefit from him, he was a good guy! Whether he hated or loved him, if he was handing out points, he'd deserve a kiss on the forehead!

Maybe that's why Baal started to look a little cute.

Before, he was just terrifying.

Their eyes meeting alone would make his skin crawl.

One wrong move and he felt like he'd get his spine ripped out on the spot.

But now, things are different.

'Depending on how I use him, this guy could be helpful.'

And the more of these kinds of guys he had under his wing, the stronger he'd become. Life in this world would get easier. That meant he needed to feed and care for as many demons as possible. Even the Four Heavenly Kings were no exception. He'd have to treat them even better, since they held influence over other demons.

Which meant that, right now...

"Hey, big guy."

"...Hm?"

"You do know climbing this cliff isn't the end, right?"

"Hmm?"

"That's why I'm doing this. So you don't die."

"What are you—"

"Sorry. Smile?"

"......"

Kim Jangcheol smiled warmly at Baal. Baal flinched, as if not quite understanding what was going on. Then, awkwardly, almost involuntarily, he began to return the smile.

And then—

Grab!

Kim Jangcheol's hand shot out. He grabbed the back of Baal's head. Before the guy could react, he shoved it toward the ground. Almost like slamming it down.

Right into a mound of seagull poop.

Splat!

"....Pff—!"

Baal's face was buried in bird droppings. The acrid stench spread across his massive face. The hulking member of the Four Heavenly Kings flailed in horror.

But Kim Jangcheol didn't let go. He tripped the panicked Baal as he tried to get up, making him fall again. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he kicked the guy in the ribs and sent him rolling through the seagull crap field.

"W-what! To Baal, of all people… what is this!"

A sudden, humiliating disaster!

Thanks to that, Baal ended up covered in seagull droppings and matted feathers like some kind of grotesque fried chicken.

He was flabbergasted. Furious, even. He was about to speak up.

No matter how much of a Demon King he was, even if he had just saved him, this was going too far. How dare he treat Baal like this? Was he out of his mind?

But then, in the very next moment, Baal fell silent.

Because he had witnessed something completely unexpected, utterly unthinkable, something no one could have predicted encountering in a lifetime—

True madness, in its rawest form.

"Heheheh, heheheh...?"

The Demon King.

Credos.

Was rolling in bird poop by himself.

Smiling so brightly, he rolled to the left.

As if having the time of his life, he rolled to the right.

He reached out and stuck a handful of feathers right on his forehead, smack.

Then he turned this way and looked at Baal.

"Phew, now we can relax, right?"

"......"

Relax about what?

After smearing himself with bird poop.

After dressing up in a feathered coat like it was fried chicken batter.

What exactly is so great that he's smiling so happily?

Maybe… maybe I've just become the unfortunate witness to the exact moment our Demon King lost his mind.

The Four Heavenly Kings' Baal began to seriously contemplate his life and career path (…?).

And then it happened.

…Fwoooosh!

Suddenly, the jagged cliff that Kim Jangcheol and Baal stood on was engulfed in a blinding flash of light. At the same time, a transparent shockwave swept across the area.

".....!"

Startled, Baal curled up his massive body.

Kim Jangcheol, on the other hand, wore a meaningful smile.

'As I thought.'

He remembered now.

Was it in the 13th playthrough, the first time he ever climbed this cliff?

After hundreds of attempts, he'd finally reached the top. Drunk on joy, he jumped up and down. And then, exactly one minute later, the screen had turned pitch black with those blood-red words flashing:

'YOU DIED.'

The reason was simple.

'This cliff is outside the map boundaries.'

A spot no character is supposed to reach. Be it a playable character or an NPC, it's the same. No one can survive here.

But then—what about him?

And Baal?

They were in a place they weren't supposed to be.

The system had glitched.

'Because of that, if a character stays here too long, the system detects the error and reacts.'

It initiates a kind of 'cleanup'—deleting characters who've ended up outside the map to eliminate bugs.

That's why.

'Even after I managed to climb this place, I tried every trick in the book to dodge the cleanup protocol.'

I didn't give up.

I came this far, I had to see the end of it. I raged against it.

And thanks to that, I discovered it.

A way to avoid being deleted by the system's error cleanup.

That very thing I just demonstrated—'covering your entire body in bird poop.'

"......."

Honestly, I know it sounds insane.

But what choice is there?

You have to cover yourself with off-map objects or textures so the system doesn't register the character's presence. That way, it decides there's no error. So if I want to live, I've got no choice but to laugh through the stench and smear on bird poop—or dog poop, or whatever works.

'Thanks to that, I even managed to save Baal.'

Kim Jangcheol subtly shook off the shiver running down his spine. Truth be told, that was dangerously close. A second later, and either he or Baal—or both—would've been 'cleaned up' by the system. Heck, if he'd applied just a little less seagull poop, it would've been over.

But they survived.

And that made him happy.

"...I did it. Kheheheheh."

Thus, the jagged cliff climb was a complete success.

Seagull poop and eggshell collection, also a success.

Thanks to that, they now had a green light on fertilizer production!

Kim Jangcheol beamed with joy.

Covered head to toe in seagull poop.

With a clump of feathers stuck to his forehead.

He began wiggling his shoulders in a happy little dance as he continued collecting the seagull droppings around him.

Disgusting, you ask?

Not at all.

Kim Jangcheol had already maxed out his resistance to rot and stench back in grad school—after researching every kind of decayed and fermented compost and fertilizer imaginable.

He'd gotten so used to the smell that even the local ENT doctor had once politely asked if they could use his medical records for a case study on olfactory nerve damage.

'Bird poop? This is nothing. I used to smear month-old mackerel guts in the lab, for God's sake!'

And now?

Bird poop felt more like perfume.

Or maybe the comforting scent of home.

Thanks to that, Baal, who was watching, thought—

'.....Baal is scared.'

He felt an involuntary shiver run down his spine.

Honestly, he'd been pretty angry earlier.

Getting his face slammed into a pile of seagull crap out of nowhere. Being knocked down and rolled around in poop. It was humiliating. He'd wanted to argue. Really, he did.

"......."

But then again.

Mom always said.

You don't mess with a crazy person.

Especially not the kind who doesn't even know they're crazy.

'Baal listens to his mom.'

The hulking Heavenly King made a solemn vow to himself.

From now on, never talk back or pick a fight with Demon King Credos. One wrong move, and who knows what he might be forced to endure. He could end up doing an eel-dance in the sky or something just as cursed.

Better to stay safe.

And then—

"Hey."

Still smiling, Kim Jangcheol turned to Baal while scraping more seagull poop into a bundle.

"Mind giving me a hand?"

"....."

"It's kinda slow doing it alone, y'know?"

"....."

"If we waste too much time, we'll have to do the poop-smear all over again."

"...!"

Baal moved instinctively, faster than ever.

Of course, the hulking Heavenly King had not the faintest idea.

That the madman grinning beside him while collecting seagull droppings was already drawing out a massive plan in his head.

Nor could he have imagined that, thanks to that grand scheme, the barren wasteland they now stood on would soon become the first truly fertile land in history.