The Most Useless Plot Twist Ever

The tension in the air was thick. My dad leaned in closer, eyes shadowed under the flickering diner light. The weight of years of absence pressed on me, and I braced myself for the earth-shattering truth he was about to drop.

"Ryo..." he whispered, his voice grave. "You're in danger because..."

I swallowed hard.

"Because?"

He took a deep breath, looked me dead in the eye, and said:

"You eat too much instant ramen."

...

What?

"Huh?" I blinked, convinced I had misheard.

He nodded solemnly. "That stuff is full of sodium, son. Too much of it will wreck your kidneys. I heard from your mom that you eat it every day, and I couldn't just stand by anymore. That's why I called."

I stared at him. Blinked once. Twice.

"You disappeared from my life for years... only to come back and warn me about... sodium intake?" My voice cracked somewhere between disbelief and rage.

He sighed, placing a gentle hand on mine. "I know it's a lot to take in. But I've seen too many men go down this path. First, it's one cup of ramen. Then another. Before you know it, your blood pressure is through the roof, and you're a statistic. I just—" His voice trembled. "I just didn't want that for you."

I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. "Dad... you vanished for ten years and that's what brought you back? Not my childhood, not my birthdays, not the fact that I was getting bullied in school? But my ramen habit?!"

He nodded gravely. "Yes."

I wanted to scream.

Meanwhile, in a far more interesting corner of the diner, Mikasa had somehow managed to get herself tangled up with a random guy she just met.

Aoi and I had both taken our eyes off her for five minutes. And yet, there she was, sitting in a booth, pressed up against some dude in a leather jacket, making out like a couple in a romance movie's climactic rain scene.

Aoi's eye twitched. "What. The. Hell."

I barely had time to process it before Mikasa pulled away from the guy just long enough to see us staring and grinned. "Oh, hey, Ryo! This is Takeshi! We just met, and now we're soulmates."

Takeshi gave us a thumbs up before diving back in for another round.

Aoi looked from them to my dad. Back to them. Back to my dad.

Then she snapped.

"Nope. I am done. I am so done." She stood up so fast her chair nearly toppled over. "I wasted my time coming here for this?! A father-son reunion over instant ramen and Mikasa turning a diner into her personal love nest?!" She grabbed her bag. "I refuse to be associated with any of you idiots. I'm leaving."

And just like that, she stormed out of the diner.

Silence.

Mikasa broke it first, lazily throwing an arm over Takeshi. "Man, she really needs to get laid."

I rubbed my temples. "I need a vacation from my vacation."

My dad, oblivious to everything, patted my shoulder. "So… are you gonna cut back on the ramen?"

I have never wanted to commit a crime more in my life.