2

While Curly was a bit sheepish to admit he wasn't the best at idle chit-chat, a steady kind of ease had settled between him and Anya as they sat about the kitchen area. Occasionally they'd share a few words, but overall their time preceded with a steady kind of quiet. The silence was, funnily enough, comforting. Or maybe it was the company he was in that was comforting, either way, he didn't mind it.

The captain was on his third cup of coffee while Anya had settled for actually eating something substantial (or at least as substantial as you could get with a company that got as cheap as theirs).

The young nurse had offered to make a serving for him as well, but truth be told, he didn't think he'd be able to stomach much of anything for some time. Not only was he still sorting through his thoughts on Jimmy (which made him feel sick enough), but he also just… didn't think he could stand trying to eat. Just even thinking about trying to get anything solid down his throat almost had him gagging. He was not looking to push his luck.

"Morning, Cap'tin! Morning, Anya!" Curly jumped, looking over quickly at Daisuke while Anya just smiled and waved at the kid. "Can I have some of that coffee?"

The captain managed to relax his features, "…Hey, Daisuke, yeah, yeah, help yourself to the pot." He nodded his head over in its direction and the kid didn't need much more prompting.

Curly couldn't help but relax at seeing the kid's grin, finding the corners of his mouth raising into an easily returned smile. "You know, you're up earlier than usual, there a reason for that?"

The kid shook his head, shaggy hair going every which way at the motion, "Not really! I've been trying to wake up earlier so I have more time to help out Swansea!"

"That so?" Anya gave her captain a knowing look, the blond chuckling as he settled back in his chair.

Daisuke nodded eagerly, "Mhm!" Kid looked so damn proud of himself, hands coming to rest confidently on his hips as his mug filled. "I think I'm getting pretty good at this, uh, this whole ship stuff!"

"Ship stuff, huh?" Anya hid a giggle behind a hand.

"Yuuuuuu—p!" He popped the p so enthusiastically that Curly couldn't help but give a snort, quickly coughing into a fist to cover the brash sound.

"Good work, kid," he said around a smile, shaking his head with an undoubted fondness. "Bet Swansea's gonna be proud of that initiative."

The kid practically lit up, "Really? You think so?"

"Know so," he took an easy sip from his mug. It still felt like an utter miracle to be able to drink something on his own. "What are you two going to be working on today, you know yet?"

Daisuke shook his head with just as much fervor, "Nope!"

"A mystery I see," he nodded sagely, running a hand through his hair. Guess they'd wait to see when Swansea would wake up, he swore that man slept like the dead, or perhaps more like a hibernating bear? That guy was such a cranky, old prick. He hummed contently, looking over his coffee mug to watch as the kid finally remembered his own coffee and reverently picked it up.

Sliding in next to Anya, Daisuke easily dragged the woman into conversation. Curly wasn't sure when the two had gotten so close, perhaps during those game nights of theirs, but it was good to see. Got a smile out of the woman and he could see how the kid's energy was rubbing off on her in the best way possible.

It was pleasant, just letting their idle chatter lazily go in one ear and out the other, just to hear their voices again. Alive, they were alive. He closed his eyes and let out a breath. So far, so good.

He heard a door open behind himself, though figuring it was Swansea, he didn't turn around to check. He should have looked. Would have saved him an unpleasant surprise.

A hand clapped onto his shoulder and he hissed out a startled breath, blinking up sharply to see Jimmy grinning down at him. "Morning, Captain." Curly tried not to shrink away, swallowing a moment as he managed a shallow nod.

Don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me don't fucking touch me—

The conversation at the other side of the table dulled as Anya's voice quieted. Daisuke, the saving grace that he was, spoke up, "Morning, Jimmy! Did you sleep well?"

"Hm?" Jimmy's gaze turned to the kid, "What was it, sleep? Oh— oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah, I slept well—" His eyes glanced down to Curly a moment, mouth opening as if he were about to say something else when that brilliant idiot of an intern bulldozed right on with the conversation.

"That's awesome, that reminds me, I had like a weird dream last night where I was working at a fast food place with Polle—"

Jimmy sighed heavily through his nose, eyes looking back to Daisuke with a clearly building annoyance barely smothered by a plastered on grin. Curly couldn't help but cringe, the blond knew that once he would have found the exchange amusing, but now? Now it just made something twist in his gut, something skittish and pathetic.

The man took the distraction for an opportunity. Stumbling just a moment to stand up, brushing the other man's hand off his shoulder, he put as much space between them as possible. He all but preceded to shuffle past the copilot towards the nearest exit, speaking quickly, "I—Excuse me, I got… got something to d-deal with, Anya would you mind joining me, ah, for a moment?"

She glanced at him but didn't object. Getting up, the woman paused to lightly touch Daisuke on the arm, speaking up with a soft voice, "Be right back, alright?"

The kid looked up at her briefly with a nod before turning back towards Jimmy, "—where was I, oh yeah! And there was this guy that kinda looked like you but if you did drugs for a couple decades—"

Jimmy glanced after the ship captain and nurse, but well, the man was effectively trapped with the pleasure of getting stuck in a conversation with a talkative Daisuke.

Curly didn't dare breathe until they were out of the room, shoulders slumping as he glanced over at Anya. "Hey, a-are—"

"—you okay?" She spoke up at the same time. Anya paused, blinking, a brief frown from her making his stomach flip.

The blond looked away, laughing weakly. "Sorry, uh," the downside to acting on a whim? Dealing with what to do next, "…you don't have much to do today, do you?"

"I suppose not, did… did you actually need me for something? Or did you just need the excuse to leave the room…?"

The man clicked his tongue, running his hand through his hair, "Well, I guess… I m-mean, well it would be the best time to start getting your things moved, and…" He trailed off as her face grew pinched, realizing with a shudder he was falling back on old habits. "…okay, it might be selfish of me to be the one saying this, but just… god, I can't bare to look at him right now."

She slowly nodded, regarding him with a gentle tilt of the head. God those eyes of hers… much too sharp, too knowing. He swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands, rubbing the fingers of one hand over the knuckles of the other.

"…Okay, Captain."

He tried not to grimace at the title, right now, he didn't feel like much of a captain.

~

Anya wasn't sure what changed, but something was different about Curly. While she had respect for her captain, it had been some time since she'd felt that he was truly on her side.

It wasn't that he was a bad man, he just… wasn't a great man either. He was good with words, he was good at putting on a face, and he was good at his job. He'd laugh with them at the table, he'd smile and nod along to what people said, but for the first time since she'd met him, Anya actually felt like he was looking at her. That he was actually seeing her. Her fears. Her pain. Her sorrow.

She just… was confused on what had made him realize what he was overlooking. Don't get her wrong, she appreciated his efforts right now, but she just knew that something was wrong.

When she was still in nursing school, Anya had heard stories about how seeing the worst of humanity makes you think. Just… when you're surrounded by uncertainty and death, it shifts your viewpoint on things, makes you question what really matters. Right now, Curly was certainly reminding her of those days.

No one changed that quickly over night.

Sure, there were people that were like Jimmy, they say all the right things and act in their perfect role, but even then there's something that clicks when the reveal happens. The way they look at you, the way they speak, even just the subtle way they move. It makes sense after something like that… but this?

This wasn't an act. At least not the act she was used to from Curly. He was a nice man, he just wasn't… present in the way the crew needed. He would let you talk to him, he just never really listened. He blanked out, stared off into space, and when he wasn't doing his job, there was an undoubted exhaustion to everything he did.

Now? Now he just seemed… scared? Broken.

She had never seen him like this before, and sure, it wasn't like she really knew who he was (it was hard to detangle the mask from the man), but she wasn't stupid. Just yesterday, the captain had been easy going, seeming content and self assured, attention present in that absent manner of his. Sure, he had seemed a touch more stressed than usual, but it really did not explain his behavior now.

She had heard the argument outside the door, of course she had when it had become a terrifying routine to wake up knowing there was a figure in the darkness. Anya was certain Jim was going to open that door last night, that is until Curly had showed.

The conversation had been hard to hear from the captain's side of things so she made due with what she could hear from Jim. At most, it seemed the two had gotten into the argument because Curly had questioned what Jim was doing and that had then escalated into something physical. She wouldn't lie and say she wasn't terrified, but she didn't regret opening that door, if only because of the relief that had washed over Curly's pale face.

She knew what it was like to be helpless, she also knew that Jimmy didn't like an audience when it came to his less than pleasant dealings. He wanted things to himself, no interruptions and no one to step in.

It had felt like regaining some control to make that man back off, though she still wasn't sure if this interaction alone is what really shifted Curly's view. Maybe that dream of his had been much more than he'd pretended like it was, or perhaps some outside stressor had finally put him under enough pressure.

She really wasn't all that sure. Nevertheless, she'd keep an eye on the development, if not for the crew's sake, than for the sake of her conscience.

Anya glanced at her captain from the corner of her eye thoughtfully, setting down the box she'd been carrying. If there was thing she knew for certain, it was that things were going to be different. She silently hoped it'd be for the better.

~

To say the day was preceding much differently then he thought would be an understatement. Then again, it made sense, why would things have suddenly changed because he had one fight with Jimmy? Anya had dealt with this shit before, she'd dealt with it for months and months on end, and yet things on the ship had gone on as usual.

Curly hadn't even noticed. It made him feel sicker and sicker by the second.

Swansea still had maintenance about the ship to work on, Daisuke was essentially unaware of anything being amiss, and its not like Jimmy would bring up the matter. It felt wrong and stifling, it made sense that it would eventually bubble over.

It had been later in the day, the captain managing to dodge another uncomfortable minute spent in his ex-friend's presence when the ship mechanic had tracked him down. Something about one of the doors getting jammed or something, Curly had only really been necessary to help him get one of the codes for accessing the control panel.

He didn't mind being of some use, it's just that it turned out the door was the one to medical.

He must have stopped for a few seconds too long for Swansea's liking, jumping to attention when the man grunted, "Well? You going to do something or what?"

Curly swallowed thickly, moving to pull out the code scanner so he could input the code needed, doing his best to avoid the eyes burning a hole through him. The door groaned and he jerked back a moment, fingers gripping tighter to the instrument as his pulse quickened.

The mechanic just shrugged on past, leaving him to stare after, eyes darting about the room. The medical bay wasn't… quite as he remembered it, and perhaps that's why he didn't fall apart the moment he entered the room.

It was messier than he remembered. Yet, it also felt more put together in a sense, not as pulled apart. Though then again, they'd cleared out a lot of the supplies after the— the incident. He shivered, steps hesitant as he moved to stand besides Swansea. His eyes kept drifting over towards that table—

Anya wouldn't stop coughing up blood, god what was he supposed to do!? Her sobs had long since turned into wretched slurred things, choking and gasping before suddenly there was a horrific silence. He tried to call her name, a pathetic warble just barely left his throat

"—Hey," he jumped as a hand smacked his knee, "Do something worthwhile and hand me that bag."

The blond followed the direction of the older man's gesture, moving to do just that. His chest was rising and falling quicker the long he was in that room, even just stepping along to grab that bag felt like trying to move through molasses. Was this what it was like to suffocate? His vision felt weird and blurred, a ringing sounding from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. God his mouth felt dry—

There was a shout from inside the vent, a young and pained sound, he strained the burnt remains of his ear, eye darting about wildly for the source. What was that— who was that— what was happening, what was happening!? Had someone else gotten hurt—

—Garbled speech had his shoulders raising to his ears, what was it— grab a screwdriver?— and he nearly stumbled as he crouched down and shakily passed the thing over. Swansea gave him a look from where his fingers were settled into the control panel, but like hell was Curly figuring out what the look meant right now. The blond didn't know, he didn't pretend to know, just nodding weakly along when there was a clang of metal—

Dear god was that a fucking gun he heard go off!? Where were Swansea and Jim!? What was happening, what was fucking happening— this couldn't be real, this couldn't be fucking real! Where was everyone— what was happening— he wanted to cry—

—Was it him or was the room hotter than usual? Or was that because his blood had frozen in his veins? His skin felt like it was too tight, his chest ached, hands shaking more and more—

IT HURT IT HURT IT HURT IT HURT IT HURT IT HURT I T HURT ITHURTITHURT—

"—Curly! Hey, you got somethin' stuck in your ears are are you trying to piss me off on purpose here?"

The blond jerked to attention, gazing over wide-eyed at Swansea, blinking back to himself. What was— he was— the… the— fuck he couldn't do this. "I… s-sorry, I— just give me a moment, would you?"

The technician eyed him, brow furrowing just a touch, "You aren't sick or somethin' are you? Cause I'd rather not deal with that crap."

"No, n-no, besides, they screen for that, w-would be counter—ah, counterproductive if— i-if we got sick while…" He trailed off as the headache building between his eyes got worst, rubbing the sore spot, "Just, just keep doing what you're doing… let me k-know if you need anything or one of those f-fucking codes…"

He waved a hand and slipped out medical before another word could be spoken, taking in a few shaky breaths as he got out into the hallway. The blond just about let himself collapse right then and there, leaning against the wall and clutching at his chest. He thought it'd be fine, he was fine— he should be fine!

What was going on with him? Curly gripped his free hand tightly into his hair and tugged, it hurt. But… but he could feel it. He was here. He was… he was here— r-right?

He didn't even realize it was getting harder to breath until a hand took him by the elbow, the blond trying to jerk away from the strong grip— not again not again not agai— when he realized it was Swansea crouched before him— when had he gotten on the ground?

He could see the man's mouth moving but it just… just wasn't— his fingers curled tighter against his shirt as Curly realized he couldn't fucking breath. He gasped in sharply, trying to desperately suck in air, but— but—

A hand moved his chin so he was looking back up, oh, oh yeah— Swansea was— heh, Swansea was seeing him f-fall apart. A desperate half-choked laugh fell from his dry lips and the moment it was out, he couldn't stop. He grabbed ahold of his head and couldn't stop the half-garbled sobbing laughter.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt.

Take accountability.