2 - Ellen (2)

After a small feast celebrating my acceptance, the younger kids grew drowsy and went to bed early.

I felt tired too. Should I sleep? I hadn't even made a proper plan for the future yet.

Lying on my bed, I stared at the ceiling, letting my thoughts drift. Just as drowsiness crept in, a soft knock echoed from the door.

Geld?

I stood up, expecting to see him when I opened it.

But instead, Frey stood there.

"Frey?" I blinked. "What's up?"

She didn't answer right away. Her sharp eyes scanned my room, lingering on my packed belongings.

"…You're leaving soon?" she finally asked, her voice flat.

"Yeah." I smiled, leaning against the doorframe. "Why? Are you sad that your only sister is leaving?" I said, wanting to tease her.

But she didn't take the bait.

"Can I come in?"

I stepped aside. "Sure."

Frey entered, her presence filling the small space. She sat down on my bed without another word. I followed, settling beside her.

"So? Something on your mind?"

Still, no answer. Instead, she lay down, resting her head on my lap.

A familiar gesture.

Ellen's memories rushed into my mind. Frey had always been like this. She wasn't talkative, but she wasn't a shy person either. When words failed her, she used actions instead.

"For how long will you stay at the academy?" she murmured.

I couldn't see her face, but I had a feeling that was her intention.

"Three or four years, maybe," I said. "I don't know for sure."

"…That's a long time."

"Of course. But I'll visit when I can."

Silence.

Then, so soft it was almost swallowed by the night—

"…Can I go with you?"

I blinked, caught off guard. "Right now? Probably not."

She shifted slightly, fingers tightening around my sleeve.

"But you're sixteen," I continued. "You should be able to apply to Lumen Academy next year. If you study hard, of course."

"I will."

Her immediate response made me chuckle. "Someone's ambitious."

She didn't reply, so I sighed and absently ran my fingers through her hair.

"You know," I added, "following me isn't necessary. There are plenty of good academies around here."

For the first time, she turned her head and looked up at me. Her amber eyes, filled with quiet determination, locked onto mine.

"You're the person I look up to."

A pause.

"You're the one who found me… and saved me from that hell."

Another memory surfaced. One I hadn't searched for.

Ellen had rescued Frey. She had pulled her from slavery and brought her here, to Geld's orphanage. She had given her a new life.

"…I see."

Now, what should I say?

I took a slow breath.

"Frey, what if I told you… everything you admire about me was a lie?"

She stiffened. "What?"

I looked down at her, voice calm.

"The kindness, the determination, the warmth—it's all a facade." I exhaled slowly. "I'm not the person you think I am."

Frey's expression didn't change.

"Ellen—"

"No," I cut her off. "I'm serious."

I pushed forward before doubt could stop me.

"I didn't save you because I was kind. I did it because I could. Because it was convenient at the time. I studied hard, not because I had some grand dream, but because I hate being powerless. If I ever seemed like a perfect sister to you, it was just–"

"You're still you."

I stared confusedly at her. "What?"

She sat up, eyes steady, unwavering.

"You're still you," she repeated. "I don't care if you say it was a facade. I don't care if you weren't that kind, or if you only helped me because it was convenient."

She reached out and gripped my hand.

"In the end, you still chose to save me."

A lump formed in my throat. It's uncomfortable, I only felt this when I'm with 'her' back then...

"You still worked hard. You still protected everyone here. You're still Ellen to me."

Haha... This mark the first time since arriving in this world, I didn't know what to say.

Frey gave my hand a final squeeze before letting go.

"So don't push me away," she muttered. "I'll get into Lumen Academy next year. Just watch me."

Then, with her usual quiet grace, she stood and walked to the door.

Right before leaving, she glanced back.

"…Good night, Ellen."

And then she was gone.

I sat there, unmoving.

A sigh escaped me, half amused, half exasperated.

"Persistent girl."

I fell back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling again.

But this time, my heart felt a little lighter.

And that's the problem, isn't it?

The longer I stay, the more I disappear.

This body, this name, these people—Ellen's presence is everywhere. If I stay, I'll become her completely.

That's why I need to leave.

Before they start seeing me as Ellen, instead of who I really am.

---

The next morning, I woke up to the soft golden light filtering through the small window.

I stretched, letting out a quiet sigh, and sat up. The orphanage was still quiet—most of the kids were probably still asleep.

Standing up, I walked toward the small mirror on the dresser.

My reflection stared back at me.

I traced my fingers over my face, taking in the sharp eyes, the familiar bone structure—so similar to my past self. It was proof that the goddess had remembered my only wish.

To not lose myself.

But there was one thing that didn't match.

I reached for my long, delicate hair, running my fingers through the silky strands. It was beautiful, no doubt. However, this is not me.

I searched the drawer for a pair of scissors.

With a steady hand, I gathered my hair and, in one decisive motion, cut it short.

Black strands fell around me like crow's father.

I examined my reflection once more.

The short hair suited me better. It was lighter, freer. The only thing I kept was the curtain bangs, framing my face just enough.

"…Better."

I ran my fingers through the new cut, feeling a small smile tug at my lips.

"Now, let's start planning." I mumbled while stretching my body once again.

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