Lawyer Visit

Chapter 56

"Yes Jake, you need to go. She wants to meet you."

"Okay..." I replied, then raised an eyebrow. "Do you think it's smart to bring Uncle Charlie there?"

Charlie looked at me, slightly offended. "Hey, I thought you trusted me."

"I trust you most of the time. But not with a Beverly Hills chick," I said, narrowing my eyes.

Charlie smirked, but before he could say anything, Dad cut in, "She is a professional lawyer, Jake."

"If you say so," I said with a shrug.

—

The three of us sat in the lawyer's office, the room sleek and modern, with glass walls and polished furniture.

"These divorce lawyers have a good business, don't they?" Uncle Charlie said, leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah, in the same way locusts have a good business," Dad replied dryly.

A paralegal walked in with a tray of coffee. Charlie leaned forward and took a sniff.

"Smells good," Uncle Charlie said.

"So does the coffee," he added with a grin.

Dad looked over at me. I gave him a face that clearly said, "I told you so."

"Look, I am paying my attorney by the hour, so just speak when spoken to and otherwise, you know, just shut up," Dad said, clearly annoyed.

"If you'd listened to me in the first place, you wouldn't be in this mess. I'm the one who told you not to marry her," Charlie replied.

"You're also the one who told me that if I jumped off the garage roof with a bath towel tied around my neck, I could fly to school," Dad shot back.

"And you believed that?" I asked, astonished.

Charlie grinned. "The one time you listened to me."

Dad turned to me, "Let me tell you another thing. If I hadn't married Judith, you wouldn't be born."

"I didn't say you couldn't knock her up," Charlie added casually.

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, Uncle Charlie has a point."

"Jake!" Dad said, clearly exasperated.

Just then, the door opened and the lawyer walked in.

"Okay, let's get started," she said professionally.

"Wow!" Charlie muttered under his breath.

"Charlie," Dad warned.

"Laura Lang," the lawyer introduced herself, extending her hand.

"Jake Harper," I said, shaking it.

"Charlie Harper," Uncle Charlie added smoothly.

"Didn't you used to date Superman?" Uncle Charlie asked, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"That's Lana Lang," Laura replied, unamused. "She was Superboy's girlfriend. And guys have been using that tired old line on me since the fifth grade."

"Did it ever work?" Charlie asked with a hopeful grin.

"Let's just get down to business, okay?" Laura replied, clearly unimpressed.

—

That day, I had also started new guitar and DJ classes. I wanted to expand my repertoire without relying on someone else to play.

When I entered Uncle Charlie's house later that evening, I saw Dad sitting in the armchair with an angry expression on his face.

He crossed his arms and muttered, "Yeah, you told me so."

"Hey, you didn't even give me time to make my 'I told you so' face!" I replied.

"That bad?" I added, raising a brow as I made my way toward the kitchen.

Dad just let out a deep sigh and sank further into the chair.

"My books... pay the ex-wife's dry cleaning for life... buy Judith's parents a retirement condo in Boca Raton..."

"Wow," I said just as Uncle Charlie walked in through the front door.

And then I saw a Tom & Jerry live action.

—

A few days later, I went down for breakfast and saw Uncle Charlie and Dad already at the table.

"Are you two talking again?" I asked.

They both mumbled, but nodded in agreement.

"Dad, if it's any consolation, Laura Lang won't be able to get hired by even a fifth-rate office after this," I added.

"What?" Dad asked, surprised.

"Oh, Grandma has more networking than I imagined," I said nonchalantly.

"You talked to Mom?" Charlie asked, astonished.

"Of course," I said. "We can screw each other over, but not let some bimbo do it and get away with it."

—

I leaned back in my chair and changed the subject. "Hey, Uncle Charlie, congratulations. You'll be my legal guardian if Mom and Dad die."

"I will?" Charlie said, eyes wide with surprise.

"I said at first only to irritate Judith," said Alan.

Charlie laughed. "That is a good one." Then he paused and frowned. "Hey, you don't want me to keep Jake?" he said, now annoyed.

"Charlie, you're not exactly the perfect parental role model" Alan replied sarcastically, "but Jake insisted..."

"Yeah, Uncle Charlie, Dad wanted me to stay with some potato farmers. Can you believe it?" I added

"They are university professors, Jake," Dad said, exasperated.

"Really? Grandma said they are potato guys..."."Either way, I'm not some random kid," I said, folding my arms. "I'm worth millions, I don't know them very well, and I don't trust them."

Alan shook his head. "They are family, Jake. And your Uncle Charlie could find the wrong woman..."

"Dad, Uncle Charlie's been living this life for years, and he still hasn't paid a single alimony and the house is still in his name," I said with a smirk. "He's either smart or has divine protection."

Charlie raised his cup with a grin.

"Divine protection, huh? Well, someone up there must like me. Or maybe they just want to keep the comedy going."

I murmured, "Gramma was not happy with it, though."

"What is done, is done. That is my final will." Alan said, resigned. "Let's just change the subject, shall we?" he continued, then turned to me. "Jake, tomorrow you'll be starting at your new school."

"Oh yeah," I said, a little cheerful.

"I'm not that worried—if it doesn't work out, I'll just change schools again..."

------

A/N: Alan and Judith equally split both the Harper Fund shares and the money from various bets kept outside the fund (and that's by far the most significant part of the assets). I never really understood that episode. If Alan didn't sign anything, it's not like everything magically became valid just because the lawyer agreed

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