The Ultimate Go-Bag

Chapter 5: The Ultimate Go-Bag (Not Really)

Alright, let's get one thing straight. In every survival movie, TV show, or apocalypse handbook written by someone who clearly never planned for an actual apocalypse, the first thing they tell you is: pack smart.

"Only the essentials!" they say. "Food, water, medical supplies!"

Yeah, okay. Sure. But what they don't tell you is that the real essentials in a zombie outbreak are much more important.

Which is why I was currently stuffing my bag with:

A roll of duct tape (because duh).

A flashlight with no batteries (for psychological comfort).

Three bananas (one of them was already turning brown, but hey, potassium).

A DVD of an old superhero movie (for morale, obviously).

A single sock (because I might need it?).

A screwdriver (flathead, because Phillips-heads are overrated).

Two bags of chips (one spicy, one regular, because balance is important).

A notebook labeled "Master Plans" (which was currently empty).

And, for absolutely no reason at all, a rubber duck.

I took a step back, admiring my work.

Perfect. This is how real survivors do it.

Some people would look at this and say, "Harley, that's the worst survival kit I've ever seen." But see, those people are the ones who get bitten first. Because when the world ends, logic goes out the window. You don't think, you improvise.

Besides, when the universe decides to throw an apocalypse at you, the last thing you wanna do is follow the rules. Rules are for society. Society is gone.

Speaking of which, you ever think about how long we've been waiting for that one open-world crime game sequel? You know the one. The game everyone's been begging for while the company keeps giving us overpriced re-releases?

Yeah. Well, guess what? The zombie apocalypse happened first.

Let that sink in.

The entire world collapsed before that damn game dropped.

Honestly, I should've seen it coming. The signs were there. They kept teasing us, delaying it, dropping half-assed updates on their other games like we wouldn't notice. And while we were all waiting, BOOM—world ends.

So, to recap:

Apocalypse? Here.

Highly anticipated crime sandbox game? Nowhere to be seen.

Me? About to fight off the undead with a frying pan and a banana.

I sighed dramatically. "Guess I'll never get to see if they actually put a functional subway system in this time..."

The weight of that realization hit me hard. I could face zombies, societal collapse, even the betrayal of my overpriced fridge.

But this? This was too much.

I took a moment of silence. Not for humanity. Not for lost loved ones. But for the one game that would now never release.

And then, with the stoicism of a man who had nothing left to lose, I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"Alright, time to go make some more noise."