Noise

Low, guttural growls echo from the darkness, multiplying like they just heard the dinner bell. I look past Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest to see shadows shifting, dozens of hungry dead creeping closer.

"Oh, great," I sigh, already regretting my life choices. "First I get side villains in the early chapters, and now we've summoned the whole damn horde. It's like I'm in a shitty horror movie with zero budget."

Greasy glances back, realizing he's about to be the main course. His bravado flickers. The goons? Already trembling, probably regretting their career path in post-apocalyptic mugging.

Greasy Guy's jacket—completely soaked in gasoline.

The absolute irony. My trusty lighter. Flick it open. A little flame dances to life.

I grin. "Hey, buddy… catch."

And I toss it.

WHOOSH.

Instant human torch. Greasy's eyes go wide as he erupts into flames, flailing like a malfunctioning firework. The goons? Screaming their lungs out. The zombies? Oh, they're loving this. They lunge forward, completely ignoring me because barbecue is on the menu, baby.

Greasy stumbles, wailing as the fire consumes him. The smell? Horrendous. The screams? Bloodcurdling. The situation? Hysterically avoidable.

I turn, casually strolling back to my truck like I just wrapped up a gym session. Open the door, hop in, and reach for my secret stash—a bag of chips.

Rip. Crunch.

Through my windshield, I watch the beautiful dumpster fire unfold. Greasy collapses, and the zombies swarm him like he's an all-you-can-eat buffet special. His goons? Running, but let's be real—they're next.

I take another slow, satisfying bite of my chips. "Damn," I mumble, shaking my head. "That dude's extra crispy."

One of the goons gets tackled mid-sprint, screaming as zombies tear into him. I nod. "Yep. Medium rare."

The last one tries to climb onto the gas station roof, slipping in sheer panic. The zombies grab his legs, dragging him down into the horde.

I pop another chip in my mouth. "Aaand well done."

With a satisfied sigh, I crank up my truck's engine. "Honestly, this was a solid season premiere. Good action, great pacing, even a fiery plot twist. Ten out of ten—would watch again."

And with that, I drive off into the night, leaving the carnage behind.