Phantom

Every day I have countless conversations, with countless conversationalists, I fill empty space around me, with words, until I myself become space, empty.

With these conversationalists, I smile, I laugh, I seem joy, I seem...joy.

However, when I smile, when I laugh, when I speak, there is a part of me that does not smile, that does not laugh, that does not speak; this same part, looks at me with heavy eyes, of judgment.

A ghost, belonging to me as a shadow.

The more tongue wags, the more mouths open wide, the darker, darker, denser this shadow becomes, it seems closer and closer, closer and closer to devouring me.

From me it wants nothing, for me it has only questions: why are you smiling? why are you laughing? why are you talking? I'm happy, I answer, I'm...happy, I answer.

Don't fuck around, take off your mask, you fake shit...his empty eyes of the unknown shout at me. His lips are sealed, yet I hear his voice, he doesn't move yet he seems to dance around me. I don't feel good, when this shadow appears.

I don't feel human anymore; my mind clouds, gets heavy, eyes lose light, as if pitch is dripping on walls and windows, I don't hear anything anymore, voices become less and less recognizable, faces are more and more opaque.

Loneliness, I want only loneliness. Disappear -- you all must disappear, I don't recognize any of you, I don't know any of you.

What the fuck are you laughing at, what the fuck am I laughing at. Disappear.