📝 CELESTIAL HR COMPLAINT FORM
Filed by: [👁️] Local God of Sector Earth-41-B
Date: Whenever I stop crying
Issue Type: ☐ Conflict ☐ Cosmic Anomaly ☑ Emotional Damage via Earth Drama
Please describe the issue:
Tobey.
That's it. That's the issue.
Okay fine, elaborating:
A five-year-old on my planet has caused the following in the past 72 hours:
3 chemical "experiments" (none legal)
1 sock-related parental injury
2 emotional whiplash moments between a mother and father
1 full-blown mental collapse after seeing a cat
And a frog is now his accomplice
I am too invested.
Have you attempted to resolve this issue yourself?
☑ Yes – I watched with popcorn☑ No – I just narrated it dramatically☑ I cried during a romantic floor-sit scene☑ I begged the frog to stop but he talked back
Requested solution:
☐ Reset Earth
☑ Emotional Support Nebula™
☑ A 72-hour break from this kid
☑ Literally any other planet where toddlers aren't made of chaos and caffeine
Additional Notes:
Please send backup. Or chocolate. Or both. Do not assign me a planet with twins. I will combust.
📱 MULTIVERSAL GOD GROUP CHAT
💬 Group Name: ✨ God Squad: Planet Managers Anonymous
✨Members:
👁️ – Earth Narrator
🔥 – Sun God (runs like 8 solar systems)
🧊 – Ice Realm Overlord
🌪️ – Weather Goddess
⭐ – True God (mod)
🔥:yo [👁️] how's Earth doing?
👁️:my child fainted from cat-based trauma and his mom thinks she's in a horror movie10/10 character development
🧊:wtf kind of parenting arc are you running down there
👁️:the best kind
dad just tried to give him a lollipop and got hit with wrapper-based guilt
🌪️:bro that kid needs a therapist or a cage
⭐:just reset the damn planet
👁️:no. they had a moment. he fainted in a blanket. it was beautiful
🔥:you need help
and so does Earth
👁️:shut up
it's not a world
it's a story arc