Random shi* I don't get paid for "CELESTIAL HR COMPLAINT FORM"

📝 CELESTIAL HR COMPLAINT FORM

Filed by: [👁️] Local God of Sector Earth-41-B

Date: Whenever I stop crying

Issue Type: ☐ Conflict ☐ Cosmic Anomaly ☑ Emotional Damage via Earth Drama

Please describe the issue:

Tobey.

That's it. That's the issue.

Okay fine, elaborating:

A five-year-old on my planet has caused the following in the past 72 hours:

3 chemical "experiments" (none legal)

1 sock-related parental injury

2 emotional whiplash moments between a mother and father

1 full-blown mental collapse after seeing a cat

And a frog is now his accomplice

I am too invested.

Have you attempted to resolve this issue yourself?

☑ Yes – I watched with popcorn☑ No – I just narrated it dramatically☑ I cried during a romantic floor-sit scene☑ I begged the frog to stop but he talked back

Requested solution:

☐ Reset Earth

☑ Emotional Support Nebula™

☑ A 72-hour break from this kid

☑ Literally any other planet where toddlers aren't made of chaos and caffeine

Additional Notes:

Please send backup. Or chocolate. Or both. Do not assign me a planet with twins. I will combust.

📱 MULTIVERSAL GOD GROUP CHAT

💬 Group Name: ✨ God Squad: Planet Managers Anonymous

Members:

👁️ – Earth Narrator

🔥 – Sun God (runs like 8 solar systems)

🧊 – Ice Realm Overlord

🌪️ – Weather Goddess

⭐ – True God (mod)

🔥:yo [👁️] how's Earth doing?

👁️:my child fainted from cat-based trauma and his mom thinks she's in a horror movie10/10 character development

🧊:wtf kind of parenting arc are you running down there

👁️:the best kind

dad just tried to give him a lollipop and got hit with wrapper-based guilt

🌪️:bro that kid needs a therapist or a cage

⭐:just reset the damn planet

👁️:no. they had a moment. he fainted in a blanket. it was beautiful

🔥:you need help

and so does Earth

👁️:shut up

it's not a world

it's a story arc