Kirian-2

After Carl's attack, I hurriedly fled from the alley to the main street and blended into a crowd of people so that fool would lose me. I don't know why I feel like this is the second to last moment of peace in my life...

After a quarter of an hour..

I entered my grandfather's house and found all the lights turned off and all he could hear in that uncomfortable quiet was the old clock ticking. It's ten at night. I quietly closed the door behind me and looked around in the darkness and noticed a dim light in the kitchen..

I approached slowly and cautiously to the kitchen and noticed drops and a stain of red material at the kitchen entrance. It was dark, but I could tell the color of that red spot..

I feel bad about this. I tightened my grip and slowly entered the kitchen. Who do I think I am? If a cat jumps on me now and I will end up falling to the ground and full of cuts and scratches..

But as soon as I took the second step in the kitchen, I felt a black entity standing behind me. A chill settled the rest of my body, so I made my decision to face what was to come and turned behind me...

I turned quickly, my eyes wide open in fear, and I was met by a short old man smiling without teeth who poked me in my stomach, chanting, "Boo." I was surprised and felt very comfortable at the same time that my grandfather was fine...

I took a deep breath and said, "Grandpa.. you surprised me."

Grandpa laughed and replied, "Hahaha.. did I scare you?"

I smiled with a hint of embarrassment and rubbed the back of my head saying, "Well, yeah. I thought something bad happened, and what's that stain on the floor? And why is the fridge open?"

Grandpa turned on the kitchen light and said, "On the floor? Aaaaaah, I see.. I wanted to try some of your potato chips and took some ketchup. It seems I didn't notice I was carrying the bottle upside down and it was open, so when I accidentally squeezed it, the red sauce spilled on my shirt and the floor. I went to my room, changed my shirt, and forgot to close the fridge, that's all, ha ha."

I took a deep breath and then let out a small laugh, "Yeah, yeah, it's okay.. I'll clean up the place, don't worry about it, Grandpa.. And where is Grandma? Did she go to sleep?"

Grandpa looked at me with a serious expression while stroking his white beard, saying, "Yes, she fell asleep an hour ago, she said she was tired. I was also waiting for you so we could talk privately about something important. So clean the kitchen and come sit with me on the couch"

After my grandfather hamo left me to clean the place, I took a piece of cloth from the kitchen table, wet it, and began cleaning the floor, wiping away the ketchup and its traces..

At the same time, my mind returned to that look that appeared on my grandfather's face for the first time. Did I caused a trouble again? But he didn't seem angry to me. So, did something happen between him and grandma? Or did that worm return to grandma that wants to reject me and push me away because my blood is mixed? I really don't understand people..

But maybe they are right. Why would everyone from my family be against me and reject me specifically without reason among all the children and sons and grandchildren, unless I carry the blood of the Kabbarians.

Remembering that mom refused to abort me thinking that I was her husband's son due to her obsession with him and not out of love for me, makes me feel disgusted. Humans are very selfish beings and all that matters to them is themselves..

After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I washed my hands and organized the fridge, then returned to the living room and sat where my grandfather sits on the couch, then I looked at the floor and said, 'Here I am, grandpa. What did you want to talk to me about?'

My grandpa Hamo replied while his eyes were fixed on the same point I was looking at, "Listen, son.. now you're a grown man and responsible for yourself.. You recently turned 18, which means you are free in all your decisions and actions.. I don't mean that you should exceed the limits of God. Because as believers, we mustn't cross them at all, nor get close to them, What is forbidden is forbidden, but we may be able to break some rules as a divine mercy for us in cases of extreme hardship and real threat to life. This is not our subject. The important thing is, life is very beautiful, son."

My grandfather raised his eyes towards me and continued saying calmly "life have many beautiful things, some of which you have seen and others that you haven't seen yet. We cannot deny that there is a negative aspect that suddenly appears, and this is natural for creating balance in a person's life. Sweet and bitter until life become better. And whether people love you or hate you, never care about that. Their love and hate for you mean nothing compared to your love for yourself."

My eyes widened a little, and I looked at my grandfather, wondering, "My love for myself?"

Grandfather replied, "Yes, your love for yourself is what determines how others feel about you. If you love yourself, you will love others in a healthy way that makes them love you too. And if you hate yourself, you will be despised by others or taken advantage of. For people to hate you just for being you is something impossible to happen....."

After those words left my grandfather's mouth, I felt a complete disconnection from reality and had no idea what he said afterwards at all..

Is it impossible for them to hate you simply for being who you are? Does this mean that my life, with all its rejection, hatred, and disdain without reason, is just a dream or not recognized?

How can someone raised in a conservative family, who knows well the true meaning of family warmth, understand something like this at all? And I thought my grandfather is the only one who understand what I feel without needing to express it in words. It seems that even after all the years and experiences you've gone through Grandpa, you still need to learn and understand many things and aspects of life..

I don't deny that you too have gone through disgusting experiences, greandpa. But since you are a person who doesn't understand what it means to love yourself and hate yourself at the same time, you don't have the right to decide what I see and what I believe about others or myself, ignoring my feelings.

How many times have I been rejected because of my race? How many times have your grandsons beat me because I'm the son of a Kaprian soldier? How many times have my uncles doubted my faith, and how many times have they shunned, ignored, and neglected me? How many times has your wife blamed me for my mother's suicide, and how many times she threatened to kill me, and how many times she kicked me out in your absence, and how many times she confined me to a room and deprived me of food?

Anyone who hasn't gone through all this will not be able to understand the true meaning of being hated just for being you. I'm sorry grandpa, but for the first time, I'm disappointed in you..

While I was immersed in my thoughts and detached from reality, my grandfather concluded his advice and words to me by saying, "So, my son.. I will give you the 570000 bollars that I've saved for almost a year for my heart operation. As you know, your grandfather has aged and his heart has weakened, and I can no longe stay for long. I have lived and seen enough of this life, son.. Now it's your turn to live and continue the journey. Take the money and go live wherever you want. Build the family you desire. Eat and wear whatever you want. And always remember to be proud of yourself just as I was. Even if you refuse and want to help me with fundraising, I need nearly two million bollars to cover the cost of the operation. And as you know, my wife Lina loves me so much, and it's hard for her to accept that, so she is always looking for a way to raise money with me, believing she can save me. Don't tell Lina about your grandfather's despair and surrender, Okay? And now, good night, my son. I will go to sleep in my room. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

My grandfather left, and I didn't hear anything he said. My mind remained stuck in that whirlwind of thoughts until I fell asleep sitting on the couch...

I dreamed that I was in an old cottage, playing with a white cat and having fun with it as it lay on its back trying to catch my hand. I began to scratch its belly and face while it playfully trying to threaten me with bites, but it didn't actually bite, it just placed its teeth on my hand..

Then I noticed another black cat at the window of the cottage, and behind it was a large tank pointing its cannon at me. I looked, shocked by the scene, and just as that tank fired, I woke up to find myself lying on the dusty ground...

I sat up straight, rubbed my eyes, yawned, and then looked around to find myself among dense trees and green grass with sunlight streaming down from the blue sky. Am I in another dream?

I looked at myself and found I was wearing a tight black shirt and somewhat loose green pants with pockets, and I had a small black waist bag. I also noticed that there was a black bracelet on my wrist, but it didn't seem like there was a way to remove it. Just as I began to touch and examine it, a high strange woman's voice came from nowhere....

The woman said, "Hello, warriors. I'm an AI program and my name is Julie. I've been programmed as your personal guide during this journey which most of you will lose. You will lose everything in it, including your most precious possession, which is your life. It is a great honor for me and for you to inaugurate with you the fifth edition of our famous, favorite, and enjoyable game filled with the beautiful color of roses, Battle Royale"