Beyond the surface chapter 1

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm even human. That's not a weird question, is it? I mean, at some point, I guess everyone has an existential crisis about their identity.

They begin to question the meaning of life and wonder what their purpose for living is.

I'm seventeen, and hell, I've been wondering about my purpose of living since I was a baby! I walked begrudgingly to school with a hunch, pausing every now and then to glance at a flower.

I kicked the rocks that had been laying in my path onto the road, scowling.

The air was thick with humidity, the rain slowly seeping into the cracks of the pavement. "And Lexi asks me why my feet hurt every day," I grumbled under my breath, adjusting the thin straps of my backpack.

I had wanted to go to the Magnet School close by, but it wasn't close enough to the elementary school, so Lexi didn't let me go.

It appalled most, maybe even all of my teachers when I told them that I'd be joining my classmates at dinky Woodbridge High.

I guess they thought that it was obvious that I'd be going to the Magnet. Surprise, surprise. The sky was an ocean of blue and the clouds resembled thick foam.

The sun beamed down on the Earth, burning my scalp.

Cars zipped past me on the road like they had more important places to go.

Maybe they did.

I didn't care.

Kids ran on the street opposite of me, screaming their small lungs out.

It began to egg on me, and soon, I felt like marching over to them and screaming my own lungs out, which made me even more aggravated than I already had been. For the past few days-or maybe past month, I had been feeling antsy- like something was going to happen to me.

It was as if I turned my back for a moment and returned with a knife to my throat. My stom ach had been tickling a lot lately.

And not like I have to go to the toilet tickling.

It was the kind of tickling you got whenever you had a good grade on your essay, or you got asked out on a date. Sure, I got good grades, but I had been so used to them I hardly got a jumpy feeling anymore. As for boys-hah! Forget it! I was a match for nobody. As the towering brick building cast its dark shadow over my approaching frame, I decided that I'd tell Mrs.

Cortes about how I had been feeling.

She was one of the few people who really listened to me, much more than the counselor or any of my teachers ever did. And they call me a teacher's pet. Mrs.

Cortes was the principal of Woodbridge High.

She was pretty young, I thought.

Nowadays, people are getting married in their thirties, so you really can never tell how old someone is, married or not. She has these dark golden eyes-darker than lightning, that can quickly cloud over if she's angry, although she's never had an outburst before.She dyes her hair pretty often, but based off a picture she has on her desk, her natural hair color is dirty blonde, I think.She's pretty slim, unlike the last principal we had.

Also differing from our last principal, Mrs.

Cortes is also one of the nicest faculty members of the school.

When I didn't have any friends, she was the one who gave the exchange student, Logan, and me the push to become friends.

She was also one out of the three people I could trust, maybe not with my life, but at least with a few of my inner conflicts and existential crisis. Logan is a year older than me, even though she'd be graduating with me this year.

I guessed that she got held back a year, but I never asked her.

She never said anything about it, so it wasn't any of my business. She has dark black hair, like I do, except she has hers in a short style, like a boy.

It reminds me of black licorice and crushed Oreo cookie crumbs.She has this very pale complexion like she's always wearing thick layers of sunscreen and wears dark clothing, no matter what mood she's in. I guess she's into the goth aesthetic? Or maybe she's a vampire! Her boyfriend, Drew, is the complete opposite of her.

Shy, reserved, quiet.

Drew and Logan have been dating since freshman year, and according to Logan, it was love at first sight. I had always been the third wheel to them when they were together, which was fime with me, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

The painful pang in my chest only seemed to increase when Drew and Logan announced that they were to be married after high school.

I didn't exactlysupport that I mean, they really should go to college first, but what else could I do? It's not mylife. Brushing those dark feelings away, I quickened my pace around the wide building, searching forthe door I used to shortcut my way through the school.

I should be happy for them, I kept thinking.

I should be proud of Logan for finding her other half, yet I couldn't help but feel like avoid was being created deep down in my chest.Like a part of me was missing, was taken, andchipped away. "Good morning, Raleigh," a lively voice chirped.

Usually, a high-pitched voice calling my name without a body would have frightened me, but I was too tired to even flinch.

I knew who it was, anyway. Yawning, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and waved at the figure leaning on the brick wall.

Mrs.

Cortes was always early and always at school, no matter the day.

It was like she lived inher office.

Or maybe there was a secret door somewhere in her office that led to a room shestayed in!" Morning,Mrs.

Cortes." I yawned.

"Still early?" Mrs.

Cortes smiled apologetically at me andnodded.

I groaned and threw my head back."Ugh!""Don't worry about it, Raleigh.

All this proves is that you're diligent, not lazy," she pointed out. I bobbed my head up and down, barely conscious of what she was saying.

"Yeah," I muttered. She looked at me again, studying me, then gestured for me to follow her inside the building.

Herkeys jingled in her dress pocket and her hair kissed her shoulder blades as she walked.Herstrands were curly, unlike my stiff, straight locks. I followed her to a locked back door closest to the entrance to Rahway Park.

With a loud crack, the lock snapped open and she yanked the door wide, helping me up the stone steps to the backkitchens. We walked down the quiet hallway to the main desk.

She beckoned me inside her office and handed me a stack of fresh paper.I sighed and dropped my backpack on the chair behind herdesk, beginning my morning tasks. When I was a freshman, I would regularly be early to school because Lexi had to take the littlekindergartners to school, and their classes usually started way earlier than mine did.

I remember I would be waiting outside in the cold, bored to death, until Mrs.

Cortes saw me one day andinvited me inside, giving me some simple office work to do to buy time.