Chapter 7: Nine-Tails: Brat, He's CPU-ing You!

Chapter 7: Nine-Tails: Brat, He's CPU-ing You!¹

Little Naruto had originally intended to offer the grilled fish to this pitiful-looking old man.

But the moment this thought arose...

"This old man is tricking you."

Uzumaki Menma's playful tone echoed in his head: "Doesn't this old man look familiar?"

Little Naruto paused, then secretly sized up this unremarkable old grandpa again.

So familiar, yet he just couldn't remember where he'd seen him.

"Silly! Think about where you encountered me!"

Menma's words instantly reminded Naruto of the source of that familiarity.

Oh right, it's that ugly statue I sit on top of every day!

But a new doubt arose immediately.

"Isn't the Hokage the most respected person in the village? Why would he pretend to be an ordinary old grandpa to approach me?"

"Think about what makes you special enough to warrant others' attention?" Menma guided Naruto patiently.

"The big fox, that should count as special, right? And also, Menma-nii?"

"Correct!" Menma nodded, smiling, but his tone became serious: "He covets Kurama's power, and my existence is also a variable for him."

"If I am discovered by him, he will do everything in his power to kill me. At that point, I'll have no choice but to leave you."

Discovered... means leaving...

Little Naruto didn't know what thought struck him, but his pupils abruptly dilated, and his cheeks puffed out angrily.

He never gave me anything, so why does he get to take away my last friend?

Unforgivable!

Meanwhile, in the seal space, the Nine-Tails, having eaten and drunk its fill, lay sprawled to the side. Watching the pleased smile on Menma's face, it couldn't help but curl its lip helplessly.

This guy currently looked like a demon tempting a child to sell his soul for candy.

Every sentence was the truth, yet every sentence struck a nerve, perfectly grasping the brat's psychology and weaknesses.

What was that phrase again?

CPU? Or KFC?

The Nine-Tails often heard Menma muttering to himself, occasionally spouting incomprehensible terms, and had gradually learned the general usage of some simple words.

"...Why?"

Looking at little Naruto's puffed-up cheeks, Sarutobi Hiruzen was also stunned for a moment before asking hesitantly.

This wasn't right.

Logically, shouldn't little Naruto have offered him the grilled fish, which he would then gladly accept, and the two would chat together?

Sarutobi believed that as little Naruto's "guardian," he had long grasped his temperament completely.

"But when did little Naruto learn to be protective of his food? Why didn't I notice any signs of this before?"

Just as Sarutobi was pondering...

"Fish bones can be very dangerous if they get stuck in your throat!"

Naruto put on his innocent smile again, holding up the pot of mushroom and vegetable soup to him: "Here! Grandpa, eat this."

This was what Menma-nii told him to do. Although he didn't know why, he still obediently followed instructions.

Menma was the only light in his heart right now, and this old grandpa in front of him wanted to drive Menma-nii away.

"Even Lord Hokage is unforgivable!"

Even though he was furious inside, little Naruto maintained a harmless, innocent smile on the surface.

Even Menma would have praised his acting skills!

And Sarutobi indeed noticed nothing amiss.

His doubts instantly vanished, his old face crinkling into a smile like a chrysanthemum.

THIS is the little Naruto I know!

Kind and considerate, even worrying about an old man like me choking on fish bones!

"Thank you so much! You really are a thoughtful and kind child!"

Gulp~ Gulp~

After drinking, Sarutobi wiped his mouth and asked casually, as if joking: "By the way, these mushrooms aren't poisonous, are they?"

"We'll know tomorrow."

Hearing this, Sarutobi's body froze abruptly. He stiffly turned his head to look at the smiling little Naruto.

"...Tomorrow?"

"That's right!" Little Naruto nodded confidently and explained: "If I get a stomachache tomorrow, it means the mushrooms are poisonous. If I don't, it means they're not. That's how I've always tested them."

He really did judge if mushrooms were poisonous this way; he wasn't lying!

But Sarutobi Hiruzen fell completely silent, the wrinkles on his face trembling uncontrollably.

Guilt, helplessness, worry, anger, sorrow...

A storm of complex emotions surged through him. The Third, usually eloquent, found himself at a loss for words.

He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, finally managing a bitter smile.

With your Uzumaki clan's monstrous constitution, eating ordinary poisonous mushrooms would probably just give you a stomachache.

But this old body of mine...

Grumble grumble~

The thought had barely formed when a strange sound echoed.

Sarutobi clutched his abdomen, his face contorted, feeling as if someone had punched his stomach using the Eight Inner Gates Formation.

The pain was excruciating!!

"Grandpa, what's wrong?"

Little Naruto's eyes filled with panic, wringing his hands helplessly: "Are you not feeling well? Should I help you home?"

Naruto only wanted to teach him a small lesson, not actually harm him.

"N-no, I'm fine!"

Sarutobi forcefully suppressed his churning stomach, managing a smile and waving his hand.

This is our first meeting; I absolutely cannot return empty-handed! he thought desperately.

"Child, look up at the stars in the sky."

Sarutobi shamelessly sat down beside little Naruto, pointing a hand towards the night sky: "This world is far vaster than we imagine."

"Before the vastness of the world, humanity is too insignificant, we..."

He passionately fed little Naruto platitudes ('chicken soup), his words filled with infectious emotion.

However, he failed to notice that little Naruto's gaze gradually became vacant, his thoughts clearly having drifted elsewhere.

"Nonsense! All meaningless nonsense!" Menma's disdainful curses echoed continuously in his mind, perfectly drowning out Sarutobi's platitudes.

"The land in this world available for expansion is so small, barely enough for me alone to stir things up. Only by leaving this world can we see an even vaster one."

Sarutobi was still talking, completely unaware: "Compared to this world, one feels their own troubles and desires are insignificant, like fleeting clouds..."

Glancing over, he happened to see the "engrossed" look in little Naruto's eyes and felt even more pleased with himself.

Seems my lecturing skills haven't declined!

"Ridiculous!" As soon as Sarutobi finished, Menma immediately retorted in Naruto's mind: "If humans lacked desires and troubles, they would only lack ambition, eventually swept into the dustbin of the old era by later generations, crushed to dregs by the wheels of history."

Sarutobi's heart stirred, his smile unchanging: "Child, what kind of person do you want to become in the future?"

This time, Menma didn't say anything further. He was also curious about little Naruto's current thoughts.

"What kind of person?"

Little Naruto snapped back to attention, hesitating for a long time before scratching his head and saying: "I don't know. I know too few people."

"Don't you want the villagers to trust you like they trust the Hokage?" Sarutobi guided patiently.

...Trust me like they trust the Hokage?

Little Naruto's eyes lit up at the words, his expression becoming excited: "Ah! Then I want to become Ho—"

"Naruto!"

Before he could finish, Menma spoke again: "It's not that the person who becomes Hokage is trusted. It's that the person who is trusted becomes Hokage."

Little Naruto instantly swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue, eyeing the old grandpa before him suspiciously.

Oh right, he's Lord Third Hokage. Isn't him saying that just praising himself?

"So thick-skinned," little Naruto criticized inwardly.

Being stared at like this made Sarutobi feel a bit uneasy, but he could only brace himself and ask: "Well, child? What do you want to become?"

Become Hokage! Become Hokage! You want to become Hokage! he urged mentally.

Then, under his eager gaze...

Little Naruto frowned in thought for a moment, finally asking back: "Can't I just be myself?"

Menma and Sarutobi were both stunned.

Snapping back, Sarutobi's face immediately darkened, but he still forced a smile: "Of course, you can! But we should also learn from others!"

Meanwhile, Menma was already roaring with laughter in the seal space.

"Hahaha! Well said, well said, Naruto! I'm really starting to like you more and more!"

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¹ "CPU-ing" is Chinese internet slang, likely derived from PUA (Pick-Up Artist) techniques, broadly meaning manipulation, gaslighting, or messing with someone's head/emotions.