ATAKA_HIMURA_999

In a world shrouded by dogma and tradition, a young man lives in the shadow of a belief he never chose for himself. He was taught to be grateful to God—to submit, to trust, to love something he had never seen. Yet questions began to gnaw at his mind. What if religion wasn't a revelation, but a human creation—a form of language to grasp fear, hope, and the unknown?

In his search for truth, he combs through ancient texts, engages in dialogue with clerics, faces rejection—and even confronts himself. He stands between two chasms: the possibility that God exists… and the possibility that God is merely an idea born out of the need to feel safe. In a world that demands certainty, he discovers that doubt might be the only honest response.

"Utagai" is an existential tale of fractured faith, the search for meaning, and the courage to question when everyone else chooses silence.

Utagai: Questioning Divine Truth

That morning came with the cheerful chirping of birds, as if the world had never been wounded. Ryu Tebujin rose from his bed, his body moving automatically toward the small kitchen of his wooden house. Today, he wanted to make a sandwich—a simple meal that always reminded him of the past, of a time when someone used to prepare food for him.

He fried an egg in butter, toasted the bread until golden, and placed a slice of cheese on top. Ryu stared blankly at the sandwich. It wasn't the taste he was seeking, but the memory of his mother, who used to pack him a similar lunch before he left for school.

That term clung to him. As the eldest child, he was caught in between—obliged to support aging parents and younger siblings still in school. His soldier's salary was split in two: half for his family, half to survive. He rarely came home, their only meetings were through phone screens whenever the signal permitted on the battlefield. But he never complained. Family was everything.

A military C-130 roared on the runway. Ryu stood tall among his comrades in Battalion A99, an elite unit deployed to the Western front. The war between the East and West had been raging for two months, with no sign of ending.

"Take care, son," his father whispered softly as he hugged him tightly.

His mother couldn't speak, only sobbed as she clung to him with all her strength. His younger sister, still in middle school, gripped his hand. "You'll come home, right?"

Ryu nodded, forcing a smile. But as he turned and walked toward the plane, tears fell. He didn't know that would be their last moment together.

Gunfire, grenade blasts, and screams of agony became the daily soundtrack. One by one, his comrades fell. Ryu survived, shooting the enemy with cold precision, believing that victory would come.

As they celebrated, terrible news arrived: the enemy had split their forces. One group fought at the front line, while another had infiltrated from the north—attacking the Eastern capital directly.

Ryu and his unit were rushed back home.

The city was destroyed. Buildings leveled. Civilian corpses littered the streets. Ryu ran, heart pounding, toward his family's home just a few kilometers from military headquarters.

His father lay with a bullet wound in his chest. His mother was still holding his sister's lifeless body—as if trying to protect her until the last breath.

He screamed, holding their cold, stiff bodies, his tears and rage erupting. Where was God?

A peace treaty was signed. The East surrendered. Ryu didn't care. For him, the war ended when he lost the reason to fight.

Back to the present, Ryu took a slow bite of his sandwich. The taste was bland on his tongue.

His mind always wandered back. If he had refused the assignment. If he had deserted. Maybe he would've died with them—but at least he wouldn't have to live with this regret.

He drank cold milk from his glass, trying to swallow the bitter memory.

In front of his house, the vegetable garden stretched lush and green. This was his escape. The earth he tended never demanded, never hurt, never made him ask why.

But the question still lingered, buried in the darkest corner of his heart:

If God is good, why did He let all of this happen?

Ryu didn't know the answer. Maybe there was no answer.

With a heavy breath, he slipped on his gardening gloves and began to work. Just like always. Like yesterday. Like tomorrow.

Life must go on, even if he no longer knew why.

chapter 2 : Everyday Life