First period started like normal.
Then Reina stepped up to the podium with a projector, a laser pointer, and a grin that screamed "I enjoy pain."
She clicked the remote.
> SECOND SEMESTER HAREM PLACEMENT TEST
Everyone blinked.
She adjusted her glasses like a villainess.
> "Each girl will take a written, emotional, and practical exam to determine who currently holds the highest romantic compatibility score with Kaito Tenma."
> "You will be ranked. Publicly. Immediately."
I raised my hand. "Can I drop out of my own life?"
"No."
---
Phase 1: Written Test (aka Emotional Suicide)
Questions included:
"What's Kaito's favorite flavor of ice cream?"
"If Kaito was crying, what would you do first?"
"Write a 10-line love letter without using the word 'love.'"
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you sacrifice for him? Explain."
Yuna finished in 10 minutes.
Riko glared at every page like it insulted her.
Airi pulled out a fountain pen, a second pen, and a back-up pen.
Akari?
She smiled and wrote like she was reciting a poem from memory.
I was scared.
---
Phase 2: Practical Test (aka Touch and Die)
Each girl had to do something "romantically impactful" to me.
With Reina and the entire class watching.
---
Yuna's Turn:
She sat next to me. Put a hand on my thigh.
Whispered in my ear:
> "You've never called me cute before. Try it once. I'll behave. Maybe."
My soul combusted.
---
Riko's Turn:
She handed me a lunchbox, looked me dead in the eye and said:
> "Don't die before eating it. You matter. More than I'm ready to admit."
Then turned and left.
The room gasped.
---
Airi's Turn:
She pulled out a photo of me sleeping, placed it on my desk, and said:
> "You're most beautiful when you don't know I'm watching. I treasure that version of you the most."
I short-circuited.
---
Akari's Turn:
She simply leaned in and rested her forehead against mine.
No words.
Just eye contact. Soft. Serious.
Then she whispered,
> "You were always mine first."
I forgot how to breathe.
---
Phase 3: Score Reveal
Reina stood at the board.
Announced the final tallies like an Olympic ceremony.
> 4th Place: Yuna Hoshigawa – "Dangerous charm. High risk. Still chaotic."
3rd Place: Airi Yukishiro – "Terrifying. But oddly romantic. Scored bonus points for trauma."
2nd Place: Riko Hanazawa – "Peak tsundere development. Emotional honesty detected."
1st Place: Akari Mizuno – "High consistency. Childhood bond. Lethal execution."
Reina turned to me.
"You now belong to Akari. Temporarily."
"WAIT WHAT?!"
Akari just smiled and took my arm like a trophy.
The other girls?
They all looked like they were done playing nice.