CHAPTER 36

What Did You Just Say? (1)

Back in the days of Kim Isaac.

Office worker Kim Isaac once found himself envying his boss's dog.

"Oh, my little Ppoppi! Did you poop here? Oh wow, good job! Such a good boy!"

Ah, so jealous.

Even when a dog poops, it gets praised.

I know it's ridiculous to be jealous of that, but still… I am. Totally jealous.

Yeah, that's how it was.

It was like that.

But now…

"Oh my! Isaac! You pooped! Good boy, good job!"

"Our baby is so good at pooping too!"

"..."

The hell.

What is this crap.

"Our Isaac is just amazing. Even his pooping is perfect."

Jesus Christ. Now that I've become human, I'm actually getting praised for stuff like this. Bloody hell.

"Feeling relieved? Since you pooped, let's have a yummy snack."

And they're even giving me a treat for doing a good job.

Am I a damn dog or something?

Isaac, clutching the Skull King's rattle tightly, had a completely blank expression.

He honestly didn't know whether to laugh or get mad.

[Puh-hahk, puh-hahahah!]

His subordinate was cracking up.

[Guh-ack, ha-hah-hak! Ah, sorry… hah, pffft-haha!]

Cut it out before I deck you.

Whisper was laughing so hard he was nearly in tears, but the rest of the family was dead serious.

"Did you find it? Did you?"

"No! Nothing at all…!"

The people of Eshua, who had been digging like mad, were in despair.

They'd used every tool they had, but instead of finding bones, all they dug up were strange poisonous-looking substances.

"What on earth has this kid been eating?!"

"Isn't it already a week? Did we mess up the prescription?"

"This is weird. I was told it'd definitely come out by now."

For a week straight, the elders and Lylai had been waiting for Isaac's poop time, tirelessly excavating.

Lylai, in particular, was desperate.

"The doctor went all out and prescribed the 'Red Faith' medicine…"

"What?! Even using that torture-specialist crap and still nothing?!"

Like hell it's coming out, you idiots.

I don't know exactly what that 'Red Faith' medicine is, but the bones have already pretty much dissolved!

"This is getting dangerous. Nothing's happened so far, but that's the Skull King's body we're talking about. If any magic leaks from the bones… who knows what effect it'll have on the kid's body…!"

Effect? It'll be the best damn magic elixir, that's what!

Of course, I still need to fully absorb the magic core from the bones, but anyway—no way you guys are getting your hands on it now!

"Did you tell the madam about this?"

At the elder's question, Lylai wiped sweat from his forehead.

"Not yet…"

The elders clutched their heads, groaning as they looked at Isaac.

"With her personality? We know what'll happen if she finds out!"

"Exactly. We can't tell her. We'll all be dead!"

As the adults despaired, Isaac smirked.

Oh, you fools. So Melissa does have a soft spot for kids now that she's a grandmother, huh?

Well, if she scares these lunatics off, that works out just fine for me…

"She might actually cut open Isaac's belly!"

…The hell? I'm included in that death count?!

Isaac shot a glare at Lylai, as if to say, You bastard, but Lylai only clasped his hands together in prayer.

"D-Don't worry. Even Mother wouldn't cut open a newborn's belly."

If you're so sure, why the hell are you praying?!

Wait a sec.

'Mother'?!

What the…? Lylai, you bastard—now that I think about it, you do look a bit like the saintess. Don't tell me Melissa's your actual mother?

Isaac grabbed the back of his neck in shock.

So that means… Melissa is my real grandmother!

No wonder the genetics were so overpowered.

Melissa was an off-the-charts genius and seemed to have ties to the holy dragons. With her bloodline, it's no wonder my body turned out top-tier.

"Are you really sure she wouldn't cut me open?"

"Yes… I-It'll be fine. Though… she did cut open her own son's side once…"

Goddammit! Forget losing my inheritance—I'm gonna die first!

Lylai gently stroked Isaac's chubby, swollen face, looking deeply regretful.

"I should never have sent you to the treasure vault. This is all my fault—my greed caused this disaster. Your puffy little face… it's all because of the Skull King's wicked magic, I'm sure of it."

No, dude. I just got fat.

I've been absorbing so much magic, my nutrition's too good. That's all.

Just then—

"If you've got time to whine, how about you actually get some work done."

"Brother!"

Goel and his attendants entered the room where Isaac was.

Goel's sharp eyes swept over Lylai and the elders with obvious disapproval.

"What the hell are the elders doing here, digging through poop? Do you not realize Eshua's entire castle network is paralyzed right now?"

"Ah…"

"And Lylai. The madam is calling for you."

"What? Mother?"

"She sent a voice message. Looks like she's nearby, but she says you're not answering her calls."

Lylai covered his face with both hands.

The moment had come.

Hearing that, the elders and council members jumped up, eyes wide in shock.

"Wait—did you say the madam is nearby?!"

"Yes. And it seems the head of the house is also returning."

"What?!"

This was no ordinary matter.

The two absolute pillars that upheld Eshua.

They never returned home during their respective pilgrimage periods.

But now both of them were coming back?

Why?

"It seems they're both coming to see Isaac."

Unbelievable.

They were returning just because of one boy born in Eshua?

Could it be because of his performance in the treasure vault?

No—if that's the case, it's even more of a problem!

"…The whole of Eshua might really be split in two!"

The adults who thought of Gamor were in an uproar.

The boy had eaten the corpse of the Skull King and was still perfectly fine. Maybe he was truly blessed, but—it was terrifying.

Goel stopped the adults who were scrambling to find laxatives.

"I'll take care of Isaac. Please, return to your departments."

"..."

The elder gave Goel a doubtful look.

Everyone knew how the children of a concubine viewed the bloodline of the main wife—it was no secret.

But Goel just smiled brightly.

"Isaac is the one who raised Eshua's name high in the treasure vault. Everyone's saying he's sure to become the next Saint."

Isaac stared at him, looking like he was wondering if Goel had eaten something funny.

What's with this guy? Why's he being so nice all of a sudden?

"Why are you looking at me like that? I'm part of Eshua too. Why would I have any reason to oppose someone who's bringing fame to Eshua? The nobles have even sent gifts of thanks to Isaac. It's the most I've seen in over a decade."

"!"

"And most of all, gifts came from the Papal family as well. I never expected that boy to squeeze a reward out of them."

Goel was singing Isaac's praises, but the elder and the senior member's eyes flashed with suspicion.

"Precious goods from Berit?"

"Did those bastards send a bomb or something?"

"They said it's all perfectly fine gold."

"There's no way! I'll check it myself!"

The senior pushed up his monocle, and the elder stormed out, sword drawn.

In the end, only Isaac and Goel were left. Goel's steward, who was also his bodyguard, looked over as if asking, Are you really okay with this?

"The noble houses that didn't attend the grab ceremony and other aristocrats are all in a stir as well."

"Yeah. I've never seen this many letters come to Eshua. Even the kingdom sent one."

The knight looked flustered and turned to Goel.

"Do you really not understand what it means that the family head is coming?"

Oh, I understand very well.

Isaac chuckled to himself.

In fact, Isaac had been waiting for the family head.

All for the sake of 'Transcendent Rank.'

'To become a Saint, I need to grow my holy arts too.'

If the so-called Saint candidates were already at that level at just six years old, they were going to turn into monsters as they grew.

Especially the Pope's grandson—he was sure to become a monster who could change history.

Of course, Isaac was planning to be way beyond that. No, actually, saying just "way beyond" was too modest—way, way, way, way beyond.

[Are you really planning to reach 'Transcendent Rank'?]

Yep. I had no intention of walking the same path as those kids. So, I was going to do things differently right from the start.

'The problem is how.'

To reach 'Transcendent Rank,' he needed a Holy Spirit.

A Holy Spirit was a divine being from the holy faction—basically on par with a lesser god or a dragon.

'And it's not like you can just get one because you want it.'

Most people couldn't even find a Holy Spirit, let alone obtain one.

So just when Isaac was wondering if he should give up and settle for something less, the old men digging through his poop said something interesting.

—If it's the family head, they could help Isaac.

—Yeah, right! The family head's Holy Spirit! It could purify the Skull King's magic power!

—But wouldn't Isaac have to handle the Holy Spirit himself for that to work?

Yes! A noble family jackpot!

If it's a high noble of the holy faction, they've got to have one!

A purifier!

No, not just a purifier—a sacred purifier sought even by the gods for ascension…!

Actually, no, a hallowed filtration system that purifies all kinds of power into its purest form…!

[In other words, a really fancy filter.]

Exactly. A brilliant slave that would help me reach the Transcendent Rank!

Of course, it was said that not just anyone could use it because it was so precious, but—who cared?

It wasn't like he went through all that trouble to bring back the Skull King's body from the treasure vault for nothing!

'I'll squeeze it out of the family head.'

Or maybe even get recognized as the heir outright.

[A smart plan! After all, becoming the leader of the faith would mean having tens of thousands of private soldiers at your command!]

'If I become the family head, I can spend the fortune however I want.'

[...]

What? Hey—it's a dukedom!

I'm definitely going to build a palace so luxurious it makes the air itself feel rich and take golden baths fit for royalty!

But whether they knew what Isaac was really thinking or not, Goel's steward suddenly cried out in frustration.

"Lord Goel! This is a serious situation! If the family head comes, Isaac might lose both the heir's seat and the Saint's seat! The highest seat in the faith doesn't care about age!"

Goel just laughed heartily, clutching his belly.

"My lord?"

"Ah, sorry. It's fine now. We just need to cherish Isaac and treat him well. We'll buy him plenty of nice things."

"Excuse me?"

Both the steward and Isaac stared wide-eyed.

Had Goel really changed his mind because of the result of the grab ceremony?

"Isaac won't live long anyway."

"What?!"

The steward was shocked, and Isaac just picked his nose.

Yeah, thought so, you snake.

Goel gently patted his nephew, as if he felt sorry for him.

"The doctor said it's a miracle he's still alive now. He's going to die soon from the poisoning."

Poisoning, my ass. I've got more nutrients than I know what to do with. What kind of quack is that guy?

"Same with the Saint's seat. Isaac won big this time, sure—but do you think the other candidates will just sit quietly? They'll make him their enemy and come for him."

"Well, yeah. The real battle starts at sixteen… once they're ordained."

And that's not all.

Goel smiled faintly.

'Most importantly, you need to be a cardinal to become a Saint.'

That was the requirement set by the Pope.

And what sense would it make for someone expected to become Pope to not qualify?

But a cardinal—basically, the family head's position?

Goel knew very well.

'There's no way his father will hand that over easily.'

There was a reason Goel had taken Shuri straight to the Vatican the moment her stigmata appeared.

He was not someone who would ever acknowledge the existence of a Saint.

Sure, the treasury had done well, but… really?

Unless the people of Cheong fully accepted it—or at least unless it was enough to utterly crush the Papal House—they wouldn't even give it a glance.

And the people of Cheong weren't to be underestimated either.

Even now, other direct heirs were watching like hawks for a chance to snatch the successor's seat.

Thinking along these lines, Goel chuckled and pulled Isaac into a hug.

"Treat him kindly—he's a poor child who'll die soon. I even ordered some tonic for him."

"Ah… yes!"

"Well then, my sweet Isaac. Shall we go see what the Papal House sent over? You have to open it yourself so your uncles can check too."

Goel was being unusually kind now that he believed his nephew was as good as dead.

In the end, when he even pressed an expensive jewel into Isaac's hand, Isaac let out a snort.

This bastard's going to be kicking himself under the covers soon.

***

"Th-this is strange…"

The elders blinked and rubbed their eyes repeatedly.

"What the hell? There's no way they actually sent real gold, is there??"

"Even if they're swimming in money, after what happened with the treasury…!?"

In front of the Eshua estate.

The front yard was bustling with pages from each family and the Eshua household staff.

The knights and priests of Eshua, who had all gathered, stared in shock at the sheer volume of tribute.

Isaac, cradled in the arms of one of the adults, also had his eyes wide open.

The nobles' gifts were impressive, but above all, the tribute supposedly sent by the Papal House was on a whole other level.

Piles of silk stacked like mountains, rare leathers, precious ores.

And most of all—

"One, two, three… ten treasure chests… damn, ten?!"

Even back when I was the Demon King, I never saw this much gold and tribute!

And this isn't counterfeit—it's pure gold!

The former Demon King, who had once churned out fake currency, was in deep shock.

But the messenger, who seemed to be from the Papal House, simply smiled brightly.

"The House of Verit said they deeply regret troubling young master Isaac and ask you to kindly accept this. They said to let them know if it's not enough."

Isaac's temples throbbed.

Bastards.

Are they trying to brag about their wealth right now?

I have my pride as the Demon King—like hell I'm taking this money from the Papal House! I won't even look at it!

"Uh… Young master Isaac is drooling quite a bit."

"Kyaa! Young master!"

The attendants hurriedly wiped Isaac's mouth.

Isaac quickly swiped at his lips and glared fiercely.

He'd been momentarily dazzled by the mountain of gold, but no—this was from the Papal House.

I can't use this.

Giving in to this crap would mean I have no pride at all.

[That's right, master! How dare these punks trample on the pride of the Demon King of the Mazoku!]

So, let's launder it first and then use it!!

[…]

Whether "money laundering" was something a Saint should even be saying was up for debate, but Lila, clueless as ever, looked delighted.

"These are fruits from the Julius Kingdom's forests, aren't they!"

"Julius? You mean those rare fruits that only top-class divine beasts eat? The ones said to enhance affinity with divine beasts? That stuff's crazy hard to get."

"Yes! And what's more, if you eat a lot, it causes diarrhea! If we feed Isaac around 100 of these, it should do the trick!"

You lunatic!

Anything would cause diarrhea if you ate that many!

Even Goel looked at Lila with disgust.

"You… are you seriously trying to turn the Eshua estate into a sewer?"

"This is different! These are sacred fruits—they cleanse all impurities from the body. They say it feels like your intestines are being pulled out!"

Damn it, at that point it's basically poison!

His uncle's trying to kill his own nephew!

"Elder!"

"Yes, yes, let's feed it to him before the lord and lady of the house return! We might even exorcise the Skeleton King's body!"

Ah, screw this house—I'm running away!

At that moment, as if to rescue Isaac, the Papal House messenger handed a small box to Lila.

"Oh, and they said this is the real gift. They said it will be a great help to young master Isaac."

"For Isaac?"

There's no way the Verit cardinal would actually send something to help Eshua.

But when the messenger opened the box and revealed what was inside, everyone gasped in shock.

[T/L: Read extra chapters on my ko-fi page "Pokemon1920" : http://ko-fi.com/pokemon1920 ]