Bravery

My brother has done it this time. He got injured badly enough that we had to use the potion of our grandfather.

Ailanthus, my little brother. Has always been careless. Venturing forests, talking to storytellers whenever he can, being a hero wannabe, etc.

It's not like I despise action. I too am capable of enjoying a little race or a friendly sparring. But he is on another level. He got injured and our mother had to go to the attic to get our family health potion. Apparently, she didn't wanted to let those injuries turn into scars.

A very old health potion, a relic from our grandfather, was used just like that. He drank it, and his wounds are now recovering.

It's reasonable. If he got injured then it's reasonable to heal him, we are family. I don't disagree with what my mother did. It's just... it's almost as if we gave up on him. As if we accepted that he is going to get injured and there is nothing we can do about it. Why does he has to put himself in danger? There is no need to do it. We don't lack anything.

And so, we are now having dinner as a family. But nobody wants to be the first one to talk.

Ailanthus drank the potion but he is still dirty and sweaty. It's obvious that he is exhausted. What's not so obvious is, why? What did he do to get in that state in barely one day?

Whatever the reason, I'm almost certain that he didn't have to do it. That he chose to endanger himself willingly.

My father, Jacek, is the first to break the tension. "Son, is this related to that axe?"

"Yes, kind of. I'll admit, things got a little out of hand." Ailan says.

"I see. I was wrong in trusting your judgement then?"

"No, at least I don't think so."

What are they talking about? Jacek knew what he was going to do, but he still let him do it.

"What do you mean, Dad? Surely you didn't know what Ailan was trying to do, right?" I say.

"Ilex, Ailan is brave. We as a family have to accept that he chose his path. All we can do is support him however we can."

"That's bullshit! Why do you talk as if he were gay or something? He could die!"

"Ilex, it's not my intention to cause trouble to our family. Once I get to the capital, I'll make sure to repay all of you." Ailan says the last part, looking at all of us.

"Just to be sure. You are not gay, right?" Astrid says.

"No."

"Ailan, you don't need to repay us, you don't need to be a warden, you don't even need to go to the capital. The only thing you need to do is stay alive and be with your family. With us." I say.

"We think differently. I do need to be a warden, it's my dream. My utmost desire."

"Desire? What the heck are you talking about?! I knew you were childish, but this... this is insanity!"

"No, it's not. Insanity would be staying in a place you don't want to stay in. And tell yourself that you took the right decision. I accept that you want to stay here, you need to accept that I want to leave."

"This place is not dangerous. At least, not as dangerous as traveling to the capital is."

"If that's your reason for staying..."

"Ilex, we already discussed this before. Multiple times actually. Ailanthus wants to be a warden. Trying to prevent him from becoming one, will just make him resent us." Jasmine says.

"Is that true, brother? Will you resent us?" Astrid says.

"Yes, I probably will. And I would still travel to the capital, with or without your help."

"Are you not afraid of dying?" Jacek says.

"I'm more afraid of not being afraid of anything. Of being contemptuous, of living without a reason to."

"That's understandable. My reason to live has always been your mother." Jacek nods.

Jasmine looks at Dad all lovey-dovey.

This is not the time for this! "What even happened?"

"Yeah, what happened, Ailan? I thought I did wrong in telling Dad about that guy. But now, I think I should have told everyone as well." Astrid says.

"I told you not to worry about it, remember? I knew that you had good intentions for doing that." He looks at me before continuing. "As for what happened; Well, It'll take me a moment to explain."

He starts to tell the whole story, about how he made a deal with a merchant for an axe he buried long ago. As well as the fact that he had to kill three guys. I'll have to say, I got a little immersed in his story. Perhaps it's because he told it imitating storytellers.

My reaction was shared by our entire family. We were all amazed by his story. And we got reminded again of how passionate Ailanthus is. He will never quit his dream.

"You killed three people? Are you okay?" Astrid says.

That returned us to reality. My fears weren't misplaced, as expected. He almost dies. He is only alive because he killed them first.

"See? I was right! He's going to get himself killed."

"Why do you sound so happy about that?" Jasmine says, horrified.

I sound happy? That can't be right. I am just...

"Ilex, I understand that you are worried about your brother. But being a warden isn't the same as wanting to die." He looks at Ailanthus. "Am I right?"

"Even being a mercenary is dangerous. They are the proof of that." He looks at Astrid. "I had no choice but to do it, it doesn't matter how I feel about it."

"But it does, are you trying to grow insensitive?" Astrid says.

"Don't worry, I won't let that happen. And if I do, make sure to knock some sense into me."

"If you keep killing, people will start fearing you. We could start fearing you." Jasmine says

"I know, I would never kill unless I have to. This time as well, I had to do it."

"If you are going to walk your path, make sure that is not the path of a murderer."

"I'll always keep your teachings in mind, Mom." Ailanthus bows his head.

After some time, dinner comes to an end.

That conversation left a bitter taste. I wonder if he so happens to die, I would be able to suppress an "I told you so."

But why would I say that? Why would I see this as an argument? I'm just worried about him, right?

I try not to give it much thought and just turn to sleep.

As expected, I didn't get much sleep that night.