Chapter : 80 : Tangled Feelings

The room was quiet.

Faint moonlight still filtered through the blinds, washing everything in a soft silver hue. The only sound was the slow, steady breathing of two bodies nestled beneath a light blanket.

Rika stirred.

A soft murmur escaped her lips as her eyelids fluttered open. Her lashes trembled for a second, then lifted to reveal warm brown eyes, slightly glazed with the haze of sleep. She blinked, disoriented, her vision swimming slightly before settling.

Then she saw him.

Shin.

His face was close — too close. Just inches away, resting on the same pillow. His dark eyes were already open, focused directly on her. Watching.

Smiling.

That gentle, calm, heart-melting smile of his.

Her heart skipped.

Then thudded.

Hard.

No no no no no no—

Her breath caught in her throat as her cheeks turned bright red. The heat spread from her face to the tips of her ears. She shifted slightly, only to realize one of her legs was still curled around Shin's.

Why is he smiling like that?! Why is he so close?! Why does my chest feel like it's going to explode?!

"…Good morning," Shin said quietly, his voice soft and low. "Sleep well?"

Rika squeaked.

Literally squeaked.

She immediately tried to roll away, but the blanket caught her leg, tangling her slightly. She squirmed like a flustered kitten, pulling the blanket up over her face. "I-I—Yes! I mean—I wasn't—I didn't mean to—!"

"You drool in your sleep," Shin added, still calm.

"I do not!"

"You do. It's cute."

"O-Onii-San!" she cried out, peeking from under the blanket, her face even redder.

He chuckled, stretching slightly. "You've been clinging to me for a while, you know. I didn't mind."

Rika made a tiny, wounded noise and buried her face back in the blanket.

"Still want to straddle me?" he teased.

She flinched. "That wasn't on purpose!! I fell asleep—I was—!!"

"Clinging pretty tightly," he added helpfully.

"Shut up!" she shouted into the pillow.

He was quiet for a few seconds. Then his tone shifted—gentler, deeper.

"Rika."

She peeked up again, her expression wary and flushed.

"…What you said during truth or dare," he murmured. "Whispered to me."

Her heart immediately plummeted to her stomach.

"W-What part?" she stammered, though she already knew. Her fingers curled tightly around the blanket.

He looked at her directly.

"…'I'm in love with Ai… but I think… I'm falling for you too.' That part."

Rika looked like she might implode.

Bury me. Please. Just bury me alive. Dig a hole. Shove me in. Throw dirt. Don't look back.

She let out a tiny groan. "I… I wasn't thinking straight. That whole night was chaos. I just—everyone was so close, and I was so… I didn't mean to put that on you—"

Shin sat up a little, resting his head on his hand, watching her. "Rika."

She fell silent.

"…I wasn't surprised because you said you liked girls," he said softly. "I've known for a while."

She blinked, startled. "You have?"

"Mm. I listen more than you think. I knew you liked Ai… even before you said it."

Rika swallowed.

"But," Shin continued, "what surprised me… was you saying you're starting to fall for me."

She bit her lip, hard.

He didn't sound mocking. Or smug. Or even overly confident. Just… sincere.

"…I didn't mean to make things complicated," she whispered. "Ai… she means the world to me. But when I'm with you, I feel… I don't know how to describe it."

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. "Safe?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah… safe. And warm. And I hate it."

He blinked. "Hate it?"

"Because I don't want to fall for someone who already belongs to someone else."

Shin's expression softened. "Ai and I… we have something deep. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you too."

She looked at him, unsure. "…Are you saying you—?"

"I care about you," he said firmly. "I don't know what it means yet. But I'm not rejecting you."

Her eyes widened.

"And I'm not taking advantage of you either," he added. "You're vulnerable right now. You've had a confusing day. You're processing feelings for Ai, and now maybe me."

"I'm not that confused," she muttered.

He chuckled.

"You're cute when you're flustered."

"Stop calling me cute!"

"Then stop being cute."

She groaned again and dropped onto the bed face-first, muffling her scream into the pillow.

"Rika," Shin said softly after a moment. "Whatever happens… I want you to know I respect you. I'm not going to push you. Not toward me, and not away from Ai either."

"…Even if I end up loving both of you?" she asked into the mattress.

"Even then."

She slowly turned her head, peeking at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. "…You'd let me love both of you?"

He gave her a slow nod. "Only if Ai's okay with it. And only if you're sure it's love, and not something else."

"…Ai already told me," Rika said softly, her voice laced with quiet pain. "When I asked her if she ever liked girls that way… she said it disgusted her. She told me she's thought some guys were handsome or hot, but the moment she imagines them touching her, she feels sick. She said… she only thinks of you, Onii-san. She only loves you."

Shin's gaze didn't waver, but his expression turned more serious.

Rika looked down at their joined hands. Her cheeks burned, but her voice remained steady.

"…I've been in love with Ai for so long. But earlier… when you kissed my knuckles, Onii-san… something shifted in me. I felt something warm… something terrifyingly gentle. It made me want to cry."

Shin reached for her hand, this time holding it a little tighter.

No pressure.

Just presence.

"I'll be here," he said softly. "However this ends up. Even if you never choose me."

Her hand clung to his as if afraid he'd vanish.

Rika's hand clung tighter to Shin's, trembling. Her breath shivered in her chest. Her voice, when it came again, was brittle.

"I try not to think about it," she whispered. "But it's always there. Always."

Shin's fingers brushed against the back of her hand, wordless, steady.

"I've loved her for so long, Onii-san…" she said, her voice cracking. "Since we were little. Since before I even knew what love really meant. I just knew that everything felt better with her. That I wanted to see her smile more than anything. That when she cried, I wanted to die."

She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand. "But she doesn't see it. She never has. Not that way. I asked her once, if she ever liked girls like that. And she just…" Rika gave a broken laugh. "She looked confused. She said it disgusted her. That she couldn't even picture a girl touching her without wanting to throw up."

Shin didn't speak. He didn't flinch. He just held her hand.

"She called me her best friend. The second person she loves most in the world." Rika smiled weakly. "Second. Always second. Because you're first. You're everything to her."

Shin's throat worked silently, but he didn't interrupt.

"I kept telling myself that it was enough. That being close to her, even just as a friend, was enough." Her voice hitched. "But it wasn't. It never was."

She turned her body toward him, crawling closer until her forehead rested against his shoulder. Her hands gripped his shirt. "It hurts, Onii-san. It hurts so much. To love someone that deeply and know… they'll never see you."

Shin shifted, bringing his arm around her back. "I know," he said gently. "I really do."

"I wanted to hate you," she murmured. "Because you have what I never will. Because she looks at you like you're the sun. I wanted to hate you so badly…"

He waited.

"…But then I didn't. Because you're kind. Because you listen. Because you make me feel seen too."

Her fingers tugged his shirt, bringing herself closer until their faces were inches apart. "I'm tired of being second. I'm tired of being alone."

"Rika—"

Her lips brushed his cheek. Then lower.

She kissed his jaw. Softly. Slowly. Hesitantly. Her hands found his shoulders, clutching.

"Please," she whispered, her voice shaking. "Just let me pretend. Let me feel wanted. Just for a little while."

He inhaled slowly, steadying himself. Her lips moved again—closer now. To the edge of his mouth.

"Rika."

Her breath was hot against his skin. Her eyes were glassy and full of pain, but also of something deeper—longing, desire, need.

"Just a little," she whispered. "Just tonight."

He didn't move away.

But he didn't kiss her either.

Instead, he reached up and gently cupped her cheek. His thumb stroked under her eye, wiping a fresh tear.

"You're not second," he said softly. "Not to me."

She trembled.

"I'm not saying I love you yet," he added. "But I care. And if you're hurting, if you need comfort… I'm here."

Rika's eyes widened. Her lips quivered. "Then show me. Please."

His lips brushed hers. Soft. Careful. A breath more than a whisper.

She gasped. Her hands fisted in his shirt as she pressed in, deepening the kiss. There was hunger behind it. Desperation. A need to feel something real.

Shin let her guide it for a moment, his hands staying respectful—one on her back, the other cradling her face.

But when she started to climb into his lap, he caught her waist.

"Rika."

"Please," she breathed against his neck. "Please, Onii-san… I can't take this anymore. I need something. I need you."

Her hips pressed against him, instinctively searching. Her body trembled—not just from lust, but from pain and longing tangled together.

He gently pushed her back a little, just enough to look into her eyes.

"I'll hold you," he said. "I'll kiss you. I'll give you warmth. But I won't do anything that you'll regret in the morning."

Tears slipped down her cheeks. "I won't regret it. I swear."

"Maybe not now," he said gently. "But you're hurting. And I want to comfort you, not take advantage of that pain."

She clung to him tighter. Her lips brushed his again, slower this time. "Then let me cling to you. Let me kiss you. Don't turn me away."

"I'm not," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'm right here."

She let out a shaky breath and nodded.

They lay back down, tangled in each other's arms. Her head on his chest. His hand stroking her back. Their legs intertwined.

Every now and then, she pressed a soft kiss to his neck. His jaw. His collarbone.

And every time, he let her.

Not as permission.

But as comfort.

Not lust.

But closeness.

Her breathing calmed, but the ache in her chest remained. She whispered into the quiet, "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"No," he said without hesitation.

"I love Ai. But I want you."

"It's okay to want more than one person. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to feel."

She sniffled again. "Even like this?"

"Especially like this."

"…I think I'm falling for you faster than I'm ready to admit."

He kissed the top of her head. "Then take your time."

She smiled weakly, pressing one last kiss to his chest. "Thank you, Onii-san."

He held her tighter.

And in the dark, the ache inside her chest quieted.

Not gone.

But held.

Seen.

Wanted.

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END OF CHAPTER : 80 : TANGLED FEELINGS!

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