Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Ethan sat back in his chair and took a deep breath. He was sweating and had a hard-on. He looked at the clock and it was getting late. He felt like a heel for looking at all of the photos, but once he'd started he couldn't stop. This was hot stuff, and very professionally done.

But now what was he going to do? He couldn't just go to Lena and say, 'Oh, Lena, by the way, I found all these racy photos of you behind the wall in the closet, and sorry I looked at them, and they made me so hard I wanted to jerk off!' She'd never trust him again. He couldn't tell her he found them but didn't look at them; that would be a lie and she'd never believe it. But she must know they exist, but the photos were taken so long ago, perhaps as long as 35 years, would she want to know they were there?

He didn't know what to do, so he would do nothing. He packed the boxes and put them back into the cache in the wall and screwed the panel in place.

Ethan couldn't get the photos out of his mind. He thought about them when he was at work, and when he went to bed at night. He thought about them when he would weed the garden, and of course whenever he was interacting with Lena. He found himself eying her more and more, admiring her body, a trim, matured version of the body in the photos. He had a new view of her, a sexual view. He now saw her not as his landlady, but as an attractive, libidinous woman.

But he'd become uptight around her, he knew it, and Lena noticed it. She asked him a couple times if something was wrong, and he told her, no, everything was fine. She knew something was amiss but didn't press the point. As the days went by and things became more awkward, Ethan knew he'd have to tell her. His conscience wouldn't leave him alone. He hated to risk damaging the relationship he'd already cultivated with her...and perhaps losing his new residence...but he felt he had to be honest with her.

The next Saturday morning Ethan went out to pull some weeds. He'd been at it about fifteen minutes when Lena called to him from the lanai. She told him to take a break, she'd just pulled some blueberry muffins out of the oven. So he got up, washed his hands with the hose, and went into the kitchen and sat down. The muffins smelled great. Lena served him one, poured his coffee and sat down across from him.

"Okay, talk to me," she said. "Something's bugging you, so don't deny it, just spit it out. What's wrong?"

Ethan took a deep breath. "I'm afraid you'll hate me," he said.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

"I did something I shouldn't have done. But, I couldn't help myself. I don't want to jeopardize the trust we've built together so far."

"For God's sake, Ethan, what's going on?"

"In my apartment. I found some pictures," he said.

Lena turned pale and put her butter knife down with a clank. She clutched the edge of the table with her hands.

"Oh, My God!" she rasped.

"I'm so sorry, Lena. I should have told you about them right away!"

"Oh, My God!" she said again.

"I hope you can forgive me. I feel terrible, that's why I've..."

"I told him to get rid of those thirty years ago!"

"Who?"

"My husband." She sipped from a glass of water. "Where did you find them?"

"In the back of the closet. There is a panel in the wall. I was hanging my winter clothes and the panel came loose. I was curious... I'm sorry..."

"That used to be his darkroom. He promised me he'd gotten rid of them."

"I wanted to tell you sooner. I didn't want you to hate me, or not trust me..."

"It's not your fault, Ethan; it's my dead husband's! He was supposed to destroy them so no one would ever know about them! My kids don't even know about them! I was young and stupid and I did a lot of things for him I didn't want to do, you must believe that. I'm just sorry you had to see them."

They were quiet for a moment. Ethan sipped coffee as Lena stared at her untouched muffin.

"I'm not," Ethan said.

"You're not what?" Lena asked.

"Sorry I saw them. I'm sorry I didn't tell you as soon as I found them, but I'm not sorry I saw them. They're very good. Your husband was a good photographer. And you were very good in front of the camera. You were beautiful. You are beautiful."

Lena's eyes rose to meet his.

"I had an erection," Ethan said.

Her eyes expanded into two shiny pools.

"When were those photos taken?" he asked.

"My early twenties, over a three or four year period. But when I had little kids I put a stop to it. I begged him to get rid of them for years. He told me he did."

"I'd bet you had no idea at the time that you would be giving your tenant a hard-on thirty years in the future!"

Lena let out with a sad chuckle. "You're the only one who knows about this, Ethan. It has to stay our secret."

"Yes."

"I want to see them."

"Of course. They belong to you."

"Are you busy tonight?"

"No plans."

"Okay, let's have a little party, you and me. A picture party. We'll have a drink, look at the pictures, and I'll burn them. Sound good to you?"

"Sure, whatever you'd like. It's up to you."

"Okay, it's a date. Come over around seven and bring the photos with you. And don't try to sneak out and make copies!"

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Author's Note

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— [Laxu]