Chapter 3 FEELING DOWN

I stood right in front of Mom’s bedroom, but made no move to open it up. I’m scared to see her frail body curled on the bed, then discover that she’s no longer breathing. She's the only one I have now, and thinking she will leave me too, breaks my heart into a million pieces.

A tear slid down my cheeks. When Grey asked for a divorce, I did not cry, but when Mom was involved, I just lost it. Losing her would mean losing my world as well.

I took all the courage I could muster to turn the knob and pushed the door open.

What came to my view was the empty bed. Shock hit through like a sharp bolt of lightning, and instantly I ran inside the room to check on her. The thud in my chest was so loud that I could hear it all the way to my ears.

What if she fell on the bed and broke her frail body? At the thought, my fear deepened. Tears raced down my cheeks. There was nobody under the bed, but still my worry continued to pile up.

“Mom?” I called her, but it was the silence that answered back.

What if she went into the bathroom and slipped? I swallowed hard and ran to the bathroom, but even the bathroom was empty when I got there.

My hands turned to ice and my knees trembled as I looked for her.

“Where are you, Mom?”

Panic coiled inside me. Before I even realized it, I discovered I was sobbing. Noticing that the door on the balcony was slightly ajar, I ran straight to it. Mom was there, seated on the single sofa. A photo album spread open on her lap. She must have crawled on the floor to reach there. She loves the starry view outside the window and enjoys the fresh evening air. I forbid her to come to the balcony at night. But she habitually does it.

As if she sensed I was there, she raised her head up to me and smiled. “Lily, seat here, sweetie.”

Relief washed over me. I ran to her side, then wrapped her tightly in my arms to show her how much I love her. I was so scared that I wasn't aware I was still holding my breath.

“I thought you left me!” My tears gushed forth as I kneel in front of her. The pain was so great that I could barely breathe. I thought she finally stopped fighting her stage three cancer. She's the only one I've got now after Dad passed away a year ago. I can't afford to lose another loved one again.

“Don't cry, sweetie… I'm here…” She gently took me into her arms and caressed my hair with her thin and rough hands.

“Don't scare me again, Mom.” I told her.

“I promise, sweetie, so please stop crying.” Mom lifted her frail hands and wiped the tears on my cheek until it was completely dry, then she looked deep into my eyes with love gleaming in her eyes.

Mom loved the unique color of my eyes. And she always gazes into my eyes whenever she has the chance. I was suffering with a rare eye condition called Heterochromia Iridum, which makes the color of my iris different from each other, the left eye being emerald green and the other was the color of a blue ocean.

“Your eyes were the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, Lily. You're unique and beautiful too and wherever you go, you seem to stand out from everyone else. At your age, you’re supposed to be enjoying your life, but look at you, you have me as a burden. I'm sorry that you didn't finish college, so you could take good care of me.”

“You're the best thing that happened to me, Mom. I will never be tired of loving you and will never consider you to be a burden on my shoulders.” I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. It was my simple way of showing how much I love her.

“It's already late mom, you need to sleep now. I'll help you to your bed.” When the hug ended, I told her. I took the photo album from her lap and helped her get up from the sofa. Mom was so light that I could carry her into my arms without difficulty.

“I need to tell you something important, Lily.” She said the moment I laid her on the bed. Mom sounded urgent.

My gaze drifted to the wall clock and saw the time, so I shook my head. The doctor forbade her to sleep late. It was bad for her health.

“Some other time, Mom. Okay? You should sleep now.” I kissed her on the cheeks. “Goodnight mom.” I whispered. She lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Moments later, she was fast asleep.

I listened to her soft snore as I watched the rise and fall of her chest.

“I love you.” I whispered with a tear falling on my cheeks and I quickly wiped them with the back of my palms before making my way to my room.