Do You Hate Me Too?

It's almost funny how the house feels louder now that everything's calmed down.

I haven't seen Alex all day. Probably hiding. Or maybe I am. I haven't figured it out yet. I just know that I spent the night dreaming about a kiss I didn't return and a truth I shouldn't know.

The quiet doesn't soothe me—it itches. Feels like a storm waiting to re-hit the same place twice.

I wander downstairs and find Lucas in the living room, curled on the couch like it's his childhood bed. He's got a throw blanket over his lap, hood up, gaze locked on a superhero movie. Explosions flash across the screen, bright and chaotic and meaningless.

He doesn't look at me when I drop onto the other side of the couch. Doesn't flinch. Just acknowledges my presence by stiffening like someone bracing for impact.

We sit like that for a while—two boys raised in the same house, now suddenly strangers sharing silence.

Then, loud enough to shatter the stillness:

"You know what happened to Alex, don't you?"

Lucas's head shifts slightly, but his eyes stay forward. "What are you talking about?"

I lean forward, elbows on knees. "Don't play dumb. The reason he ghosted his senior year. The thing with his parents. You know."

Lucas exhales slowly, but his mouth stays shut.

"You do," I say again, sharper now. "You knew something happened."

A flicker of guilt crosses his face. "It wasn't mine to tell."

"But you knew," I press. "You knew and you still brought him into this house and acted like he was just your best friend from high school, like nothing had ever happened. You didn't think maybe I deserved to know who I was sharing a hallway with?"

Lucas finally looks at me. There's no anger, no smugness. Just regret. "I didn't think it would matter."

"Well, it does," I bite out. "It matters when someone kisses you and then acts like they didn't. It matters when you find out they've been through something you should've seen coming but didn't because everyone else already knew and just didn't say anything."

Lucas's shoulders rise with a breath, fall with the weight of it. "I didn't know it'd go like this."

"But you've been avoiding him, right?" I ask. "Ever since that stuff came up again. That's why you've been cold."

He doesn't answer.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me, too?"

That gets him. He blinks, confused and caught off guard. "What?"

"Because he's like me, I don't know gay, bi, queer, possibly just into men for the fun of it" I say, heat crawling up my throat. "Because he had a thing with another guy. Because you found out about him, and now you can't even look at me the same way. So tell me the truth—do you hate me too?"

The air snaps like rubber.

Lucas stares at me, stunned. "I don't hate you."

"Then what is it? Because I can't keep pretending that everything's fine when you keep pulling away and acting like I'm...like I'm... ugh, contaminated or something."

His jaw tightens. He looks down. "I don't hate you," he repeats, more fiercely this time. "I hate me."

I go still.

Lucas leans forward, hands in his hair. "I hate that I left you alone when you needed someone. I hate that I let Alex go through all that crap and never stepped up. I hate that I got to be the golden boy while everything cracked beneath me and I acted like I didn't see it. I hate that I failed both of you."

Silence settles, heavy and thick.

"I didn't stay away because of who you are," Lucas says finally. "I stayed away because I didn't think I deserved to be your brother anymore."

I stare at him, every part of me wound tight, heart beating like it's trying to claw out of my ribs.

"You could've just said that," I murmur.

He laughs bitterly. "Yeah. I'm not great with the whole… words thing."

We sit there for a while. The credits roll across the screen in awkward silence, and neither of us moves to turn it off.

"I'm still mad at you," I say eventually.

Lucas nods slowly. "I'm still mad at me too."

"But I'm glad you're here."

"I'm trying to be," he says.

And I believe him.

The tension between us doesn't vanish. But it settles. Like a flame that's stopped raging and learned how to glow instead.