As I would her

Luna Allison.

I run all the way back to the pack house as fast as my legs can take me. I don't stop until I reach the Alpha quarters located on the top floor. I slam the door behind me and press my back into it. It's not long before the weight of my emotions slides my body down against the door and onto the floor. This could not happen! I am going to lose my other son. The girl is going to die. There is no way she can withstand the change in the state she is in.

My son, my poor Eli. I don't know what to do. Why Goddess?! What did I do for you to torture my children so? Were we all destined to be mateless? My dear husband ripped away from me in battle. My son, so young, his mate so young, lost to disease. My handsome Eli, waiting all this time, for what? What is the purpose of all this heartache?

All I want is for my children to live happily, loved, and with no care in the world.

They are both healthy, strong men. They hold strong positions as Alphas and run wealthy companies. But that isn't shit when you don't have the rest of your soul. I know. I had it all too, and once my dear Harold was lost, so was I. All I had to keep moving on was my son. Screw the pack, screw the council. I took care of everything so that my son could have it all; All of what his father made for him. Yet even with that, with his mate's death, he will have nothing.

I should never have turned a blind eye to him sneaking off to see her. I knew she was a mistake. But he was so happy and in love, and that's all I wanted for him. It wasn't that I didn't like her, it was just that she was human and weak! I watched my baby, Ethan, lose his mind because of his fragile human. I was conflicted. I believed in true mates over chosen mates, but humans would only lead to painful, severed bonds.

They suffer from diseases and illnesses unknown to our kind. They can't heal like we heal. They have no strength and mediocre senses. What could they do besides die? They are like the goldfish you win at a fair. The best thing until you have to sneak and flush them down the toilet next week and replace it with another one from the pet shop in town. Unfortunately, there is no replacing a mate. Chosen mates don't feel the same, and second chances are basically nonexistent, being so rare. Without your mate, what else is there to live for? I was lucky enough to have Eli and then his brother. But who will he have? He will wither away like his brother.

"Mother." He will live a long life.

Ethan leans up against the kitchen island, expressionless.

"Son, I expected you to have gone home." I gather myself and stand to accompany him in the kitchen. I take a glass out of the cabinet and fill it with lemon water from the pitcher on the counter.

"How could I, with Eli making such an idiot decision? He's going to need me."

Wow, it's very odd of him to show any other emotion besides anger. Is he really concerned for his brother?

"Hm." I hum in acknowledgment.

I sit at the island two stools over from where he stood and silently drank my water. I take in the living area across from us. The silver-grey walls match well with the white sectional and its charcoal grey pillows. Theres a glass, oval-shaped coffee table over a fuzzy white area rug and a dark grey recliner. At the center of it all is a beautifully white stoned fireplace with a 75" tv hanging just above it. A living area that we haven't used since Ethan's mate passed away. It looks cozy and cold at the same time.

"Do you think she's different?" Ethan mumbles.

"Everyone is different." I sigh. "But she's still human."

"Mhm..."

He finally takes a seat, choosing the stool right next to me. His face rests in his hands as he looks over at me.

"She smells nice."

"Does she?" I roll my eyes. "You're not the first one to point that out."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? She smells how she smells, humans are strange."

"Not for that, for being so angry... all the time."

His apology makes me choke on my water, and I fight off a cough by clearing my throat.

"What?" I am nonplused.

"I pushed you away when all you were trying to do was help me." His eyes glass over, and I watch a single tear drop down his face and onto his hand.

"My boy!" I catapulted myself from my seat and embraced him. The damn burst and everything I ever held back spilled out onto his shirt. I can't believe my ears. Is he coming back to us? His shoulders tense up, and after a few seconds, he is relaxing into me and crying.

"I just miss Delilah so much. I don't know how to feel anything I felt when I was with her anymore. I can't feel happiness, calmness, relaxation, nothing."

"Do you feel guilty when you do?"

"Of course."

"It's not your fault, you know? You tried your best for her." I rub circles into his back.

"I just can't believe that. I was her mate. I was supposed to protect her, and in the end, she died in MY arms because of my stupid decision." His arms come out in front of him, and he stares down at them distraught. It is as if he is still cradling Delilah's lifeless body.

"Remember what the doctor said."

"She was going to die anyway." He shakes his head. "We don't know that."

"But we do." I wipe the tears from under his eyes with my thumbs.

"Son, I can't promise you it will get better. I've lost Eli's father when your brother was just a tiny little thing. I had Eli, then you, and I still miss him. Even when your father was beside me."

He sighs in defeat.

"I still miss him. That never goes away. That feeling like you're going to die does, though, surprisingly." I offer him a small smile.

"How long does that take?" He sniffles out a little laugh.

"Honestly, I don't know. I started focusing on what Harold had given me and decided that was all I had left of him, and I would cherish it as I would cherish him."

"He left you Eli... I don't have anything."

I press my lips together, not sure how to respond.

"What was something you two always spoke about?"

"I don't know." His voice cracks. "Mostly how we couldn't wait for her to feel better so she can join the pack and have her Luna ceremony."

"Ok."

"She had so many great ideas, mom. Like expanding the daycare and throwing monthly gatherings so that the pack wouldn't mind that I mandated more training."

His face glowed as he praised her. He was so proud of his mate.

"That's not all, She had a whole list of things she thought we should change together to improve the pack." He swiftly pulls his wallet out his back pocket and pulls out a crinkly folded up paper. "See!"

He flattens the paper out next to his open wallet and smooths it out with his hand. The picture of the two of them in his wallet doesn't go unnoticed.

It is a picture I took. Delilah, with her big green eyes and wide smile standing in the hall of the hospital. She wore her blue hospital gown with pink pajama pants underneath. Her head was wrapped in a beautiful pink satin headscarf that Ethan took all day to pick out for her. He bought it for her that morning. She had one arm wrapped along the back of Ethan's lower back. The other, clinging onto the IV pole that she swooshed around everywhere with her. Ethan had a little more weight on him then. His hair was shorter, too. The biggest difference was how happy he looked. I've never seen him that way before or after her.

"Oh, Goddess," I laugh at the list. "She literally had a list!"

"I know, right?!" He laughs, too. "It's impressive."

"Very much so." I agree looking over the list. She actually had some very smart and creative ideas. "Might have to steal a copy."

He chuckles.

"You should do these still."

"Hm?" He tilts his head at me.

"Do them. They're pretty good ideas. Make it like a project. Something for her to live on in."

"You really think I should?" His grip tightens on the paper, causing the edges to crinkle more.

"Of course! Do it in her honor. How inspired will your pack be to hear their late Luna made such great changes for them without even meeting them?"

"It's crazy," He sniffles out another chuckle. "How she knew exactly what we needed."

"Look at it this way," I pulled him into a half hug, slipping my hand into his palm over the note. "She was part of you, a gift from the Moon Goddess to bless you with 'exactly what you needed'." I emphasize his own words as I tap the list in his hand. "It may not seem like enough or what you wanted, but it was her gift to you. Take it and cherish it -"

"As I would her." With that, he sobs some more and finally lets it all out.